Where do we go from here, please help, I really need some good advice.
I would be grateful for any constructive advice please, I have been engaged since Christmas and in my relationship for just two years. The first year(as it usually is)was wonderful, we were so happy, and he loved me so much. No bickering, nothing. I felt so happy, and I could see that he was too. We moved in together and it was a bit of a struggle as we moved to a tiny flat, all the romance and love seemed to go out of our relationship so quickly. He became short tempered, and swore a lot, I felt so upset and let down by his behaviour towards me. We had a rocky 3/4 months and then I was so shocked as he proposed on Christmas day. I was so happy, but to be honest since then are relationship has been very up and down, a lot of arguments, I get very upset, I feel he breaks me down. All that he can see is that it is all me, he's not willing to take responsibility for anything going wrong between us. I do want to make it work, I wish we could get it back to how we used to be, I really don't want out relationship to end. I look at him as he looks as though he has had enough. It breaks my heart, I feel so rejected. I would be willing to go to counselling but he is not. I don't want it to be over, I just wish he would stop flying off the handle at everything, maybe this has been a sign all along that he wants out and just wanting me to end it. I have my faults too of course and where I was once not argumentitive at all, I now feel it all bubbling up inside of me, resentment towards him which I can't seem to let go of, I wish I could, I did go to see someone at relate on my own to help me with those feelings, I was surprised when I told her everything about our relationship that she said she could see a lot of good stuff going for us. It did make me feel more positive. I think it's just the way he has spoken to me in the past has been so hurtful, and it makes me feel he has no respect for me. I feel pretty worn down by it. We recently moved to a flat that he bought and has been working so hard renovating for us, instructing the builders. I am staying with him because I love him and want it to work and nothing else, but the thought of gathering all my stuff together and moving and looking for somewhere to rent, and being on my own again at 35 is not appealing to me at all, I was so looking forward to our future together. I feel hartbroken at the thought of it, but nothing changes for him, not upheaval.
This may all sound pathetic, but I am a sensitive person, a good person, and I just wish instead of being treated like crap it could go back to how it used to be. I didn’t change, he did, but now my reactions to him are different, so I guess I have changed too. He's 47, and I'm coming up to 35, I really don't know what to do.