What's wrong with me
I've been in this relationship for 3 and a half years. He drinks, he takes it out on me when he's hungover, his daughter comes first, even his ex, he never likes to let her down but he lets me down all the time. This week I found the courage to stand up to him and told him I'd leave if things didn't start to change. I told we were going around in circles. He promised to change yesterday said that he would make more of an effort and that he didn't want to lose me. Today he didn't phone as usual, but sent a text saying he'd left his phone at home. I asked if that was the case why didn't he ring when he got home, one word led to another, before I knew where I was he told me to F.... off and put the phone down on me. I'm absolutely heart broken all over again. This isn't the first time this has happened and I'm just stupid, keep taking him back. I feel so worthless. What is wrong with me, why is this happening, I don't even have any friends, so I dont know where to turn.
Comments
I've only just read your post and just wondered how you are getting on, sounds like your partner was treating you really badly, have you had the courage to either talk to him about how things have to change, or to leave this relationship before things get really nasty? If you feel there is nobody there to support you in such difficult stuff, do talk to your GP who can let you know about all sorts of help and organisations that are around for you. Let us know how you are getting on, take care of yourself.
From what you say in your last sentence it sounds as if leaving might be particularly hard because you don't have anyone to support you through making the break?
You say you found the courage to stand up to him this week, so maybe part of the problem is than you've been too tolerant and he’s taking you for granted?
Do you perhaps find being assertive difficult, or is he the kind of person that makes putting your viewpoint difficult?
It sounds as if he’s treating you badly and that you are thinking it must be something to do with the way you are, which suggests to me that this situation is sapping your confidence and dragging you down. The more your confidence suffers, the harder it’s likely to be to leave, and that constitutes a very unhealthy situation to be in.
If you feel the relationship is beyond becoming a healthy one, then I suggest you get some support to give you the confidence to leave. If you have no family or friends to do this, then you could set up some counselling to help you build up to a point where you feel strong enough to leave. If when you feel more confident you want to try one more time with him, and he seems genuinely willing to make the effort required, then you could ask him to attend the counselling with you to explore how the relationship might continue.
You say he drinks a lot, do you think he’s dependent on alcohol? If so, maybe any further attempt at making the relationship work needs to be conditional upon him getting some help to get control of his drinking.
Some very heavy drinkers need someone around who is dependant on them, which acts as negative support for their drinking habit. If that could apply to your relationship, it’s something you might look at with a counsellor.
Whatever the issues are, the impression I get from your post is that something needs to change soon so that this relationship doesn’t wear you down further.