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What to do?
Sorry this is long but I needed to talk to someone about my situation, and am hoping that someone would be able to advice me on the best course of action.
I have been married to my husband for 15 years and I personally have not been happy the last 5years. We have 2 boys together, they are my world and I would do anything for them.
My husband is a caring, responsible dedicated father but oblivious to everything else. I don't think he understand the word romance. For 15 years, I I received maybe 4 flowers for birthdays, anniversaries and any such events. We have no social life outside our immediate family. I can count the numbers of friends that we have with all the fingers on one hand. He goes to work, come home, sit in front of the tv or on the internet reading sports articles. Every time I confront him about it, he just shrugs it off and goes to do something else. Not that I'm complaining about his dedication to providing for the family, but I need some sort of stress reliever also. We both work 40+ hours a week, so a little social life is not a whole lot to ask, I don't think.
The last time we talked about this issue was 5 years ago, and I being the mother that I am, can't pick up the kids and leave because they love their father too much. Not a good reason to be unhappy, I know. But I don't know what to do. I can't get myself to leave. HELP, HELP, HELP.
Do I say, forget this, move on or stay and continue to be a b.....? HELP, HELP, HELP.
Comments
Ok, from what I've read above this doesn't sound like a huge mess to sort out. Some guys just aren't born romantics, but there's nothing to say that you can't bring the romance to the relationship. Have you considered organising a night for the two of you, even if it's still at home, get someone to have the kids for the night and do something you don't normally do. You never know, it may wake him up a bit and get him thinking of things you could do together.
My husband doesn't often buy me flowers or choccies (mostly because we can't afford them!!!) but as long as he shows me he loves me and is affectionate then I really don't care. I know it's hard when you don't get out much and don't have many friends to talk to, you fall into habits and things become monotonous. Try and shake things up a bit, even something simple like making yourself up instead of chucking on comfy clothes and plonking yourself next to him on the sofa. He'll wonder what's up and it should start a conversation.
Is the lack of romance what is making you unhappy or is it more that you feel like you've grown apart that's upsetting you? I am a big believer that talking helps (and yes, we ladies are more open to this than our fellas) but don't give up, talk to him, even if it takes a while for him to talk back. It sounds to me like you love your husband and want to be with him, so you need to put the effort in. Don't expect things to change overnight, but start over from the beginning. Talk about what you liked about your relationship back in the days when you were happy, stir up old happy memories, it might make him realise what he's missing. Sometimes it's hard for one parent to cut off from being Mum or Dad and remember to be Husband or Wife again. If he can put as much effort into your marriage as he does with your boys you'll be onto a winner!!
I hope you can work things out and that my advice is helpful. Good luck x
I've got this problem also with my partner.I have tried everything to get him to do things on an evening other than watch tv- he says he works hard all week and likes doing nothing.Im bored out of my mind.He used to drink a lot so obviously we went out a lot at first but now hes sober(3 years sober)- nothing.I have to organise nights out, had 1 romantic meal in the house. one game of cards in nearly 3 years.To alleviate this I go out with friends, do my oen thing, sometimes i invite friends round at the weekend.We dont live together.I get upset thinking i will never receive a romantic card, or romantic meal in the house again.If I nag he says im putting him under pressure and if i dont he still doesnt make an effort.Added to this no sex life, no romance etc