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What to do??
Read carefully because this might get confusing.. I was with my ex for 7 years and we have a beautiful 6 year old son together. I ended our relationship in Feb 2008 and my ex was heartbroken. I met someone else in Aug 2008 and had a whirlwind romance which resulted in getting married in Aug 2010. This was a major mistake and we separated in Jan this year. All this time, my ex has told me that he never stopped loving me and he didn't have any relationships while we were apart because of this. When I split from my husband, my ex told me that he wanted us to get back together, and while I didn't think this was a good idea at first, we have been spending more time together and now I have fallen back in love with him. This is where my problem begins.. He is now telling me that he doesn't know if he loves me or wants us to be together, which has left me feeling sad and confused, especially as we slept together on Saturday night! Despite this, he says it would bother him if I was with someone else. It would bother me if he was with someone else aswell, but that's because I love him. Not only that, but he has another ex, which he calls a good friend, who (even though she lives with someone) goes to see him.. This bothers me..ALOT! Especially as I know he cheated on another of his girlfriends with this girl in the past. So what do I do? All I've ever wanted is a happy family life..
Comments
It sounds a little like you're trying to jump back into a relationship that ended over 4 years ago. Instead, why don't you treat it like a brand new one. Yes, you know each other really well and won't have a lot of the first date banter but at the same time both your circumstances have changed. You've had another relationship and that probably plays on his mind as much as your doubts and worries about his ex do.
I would suggest you have a good long talk with each other (you seem to be on good talking terms from what I gather). Tell him your concerns, let him voice his and decide together if you think you can make it work. At least that way you're both going into this with your eyes wide open and knowing how the other feels, it could limit any potential hurt if things don't go the way you intend them to.
Bear in mind that you probably really hurt this guy when you left him. He has to be wondering if you'd do it again, and perhaps his reluctance to get back into a relationship is due to this. Who knows, maybe he is telling you he is unsure to protect himself and keep you at arms length a little bit? I can't really say, as I don't know him (or you) but it's a possibility. The only way to find out is to talk things through and be as honest as possible.
Try to take things one step at a time and not step back into a relationship you've already had. There must have been a reason you left him the first time and, I presume, you don't want to do the same thing again. You're not the only one who can be hurt, imagine how he would feel if he took you back and you left him again! You may have to earn his trust along with his love. Whatever he's done in his past that bothers you, it sounds like it was against others and not yourself. From what you've said he has not done anything to hurt you personally other than not know what he wants to do.
I hope you are able to work out what's best for you both. It may not be what you want, but a good friendship is better than a bad relationship (especially when you have a child together)