What else is there i can do?
I need help. 3 Years ago i started a relationship with this girl when we were in 6th form. for a solid year and 8 months we were inseperable. Over a year ago we went to seperate universities and thats where things started to collide. Jealousy, paranoia and insecurities kicked in for both of us. We split up a year ago and i was heart broken. Last april we got together again and realised we still had feelings for each other, decided to give it another shot but it did not end well. She was scared to give it another shot and ran back to the guy she was seeing again when we first split up. Once again we got together over summer and we fell in love with each other again, spending time with each other and enjoying our time together, but as soon as we go back to university she wasnt sure if she wanted to be with me. We ended it for the 4th time and i decided to keep to it. She sent messages and missed calls telling me she made a mistake.. For nine weeks i ignored her, thinking i could get her out of my mind. She never did and i agreed to meet up with her. We hit things off and got back together, making it official. But i hid things from her. Before we got together i didnt mention a girl i slept with among other things. She found out through searching on my facebook account without permission. It was my fault for not telling the truth straight away. We split up once again and she told me she cant trust me and she doesnt want to give up on me but doesnt think she can go through with it again if she cant trust me. We love each other and change is needed. I need to change and gain the trust she is looking for, to give her the support she is looking for. I need her and she needs me but with this issue its difficult to resolve it myself. She's coming down to see me on Sunday but im not entirely sure, i want to win her back and to show her i can change and want to change. Can anyone give me any advice, tips or at least an opinion on how to make things right? to do the right thing and to be with the girl i love?
Thanks
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I will go through wind and rain to be by her side. Just all depends on the outcome, hopefully it will be a positive one. Once again, thanks for the help. Really have saved a relationship! (Fingers crossed)
Wow! That sounds great..... a really good start to reestablishing trust....and you sound ready to weather and enjoy the inevitable ups and downs of this relationship. I like your 'Work it Out' mentality and it seems to be shared by your girlfriend!
We ended up meeting earlier today. And we talked things out over a Starbucks coffee, obviously trust was an issue and hiding things was a mistake which i do take fault for. But i layed everything on the table. Explained the valid reasons for my actions and apologised deeply. Was walking around town yesterday and we talked and acted just like it would usually feel between us: Connected, sarcastic humor, funny looks towards each other, jokes all around and just as i call it 'Happy Banter' I gave her a kiss on the cheek towards the end of the day and she sent me a message later that evening saying that when i gave her the peck on the cheek she got 'butterflies a little bit' and we've been talkin/texting like nothing happened and all seemed forgiven.
I feel that i may have earned... A little respect and the start of what could be potential trust, i hope idont or wont make the same mistake again, i've made my intentions clear. I just hope that things will work out and stick to my plan of action. Change being a necessity. It's all or nothing really. I love her to pieces and we both know that we love each other so much and want to be together. All depends if i dont act selfish, disrespectful, unreliable and to not hide ANYTHING from her.
Thanks ever so much for the advice, really appreciate it muchly.
Hi Anonymous - just wondered how you're getting on, were you able to have that talk with your gf and lay everything on the table, would be good to know how things are going for you.
If you do do decide to pursue this again, you need to lay EVERYTHING on the table. It seems clear that trust is a HUGE issue with you two, and you both think you can't trust the other. By laying everything out on the table right away, you can start to reestablish that trust. Also, set some guidelines for your relationship. Long distance relationships are very hard, but if each of you are committed enough to give the other the kind of attention they need to feel connected despite the distance, you can make it work. Tell her what you need from her in order to quell the insecure and paranoid feelings, then ask her to do the same.
It may also help to know going into it that because you two are going to be long distance that you CAN'T always be there for each other. There's going to be nights where she has to study and won't be able to talk, and there's going to be times where you just want to go out with your friends and won't be able to text back right away. Simply knowing and accepting this may help calm both of your insecurities. Best of luck!