what do I mean by taking a break? What should I tell him :-(
I posted on here a few weeks back about breaking off a long distance relationship of 4 years.
I eventually spoke to my boyfriend about my concerns, but in the end told him I needed a break. He was gutted, and he doesnt see the same things that I see. I see that we arent happy and I see a lot of problems in the relationship. He thought everything was fine, even though I have always been honest with him. THe fact that he doesnt feel the same makes a break even harder.
Obviously I dont see him much as we are long distance. SO I last spoke to him on the phone a few days ago. He sent me a text to say he missed me and thats the only contact we've had.
I feel like im in a bubble and that I dont know what im doing. I miss him dearly. I miss the conversation and just having someone to hug and the physical contact. I can't imagine that those things are over. However, I feel like a break was the right thing to do, and I can imagine life without him. I feel relieved that the relationship might be over, and that Im free now.
I'm just so confused by what a break means. I feel that if I got back in touch to reccommence things, it would be selfish because deep down I think I just miss the company,someone to talk to and someone to hug at night.
It just makes it so much harder, because he doesn't see it the same. We are on the verge of finally being together, and now at the last hurdle im giving up. But Ithink its taken me this long to see that we're not right for each other.
He wants to know exactly why idont think things will work. But the main things that put me off are personal things that he is self conscious about, so Icouldnt use them as a reason. He is very self conscious about his body. He is slightly over weight, and Im not bothered about it,but because he has so many issues with his body, he wont ever let me see him naked, wont sleep without full pjs on,even in summer. He wont go swimming etc. IN 4 YEARS he is still like this. and yet we have a constant battle at dinner times because he has no will power and refuses to lose weight by eating healthy which makes me really angry that he wont do anything about his issues even for our relationship. It also means that he wont ever innitiate sex until we are in bed. I know it sounds like nothing but im a highly sexual person and want to be undressed, able to undress him every now and again. ANyway, see my other post for our other issues.
SO now a few days into our break, I do feel like it is the end of the relationship,but I know he is on the other end of the line, miserable, waiting for me to call him and say everything is fine.
(As a side point, in a previous long distance relationship,I ended it suddenly, at the same stage, 4 years, and deeply regretted it about a year later. I even spent about a year into this relationship pining afterhim). I can see similarities between my change of heart here and then, I just dont want to get a year down the line and wake up one day thinking ive made a massive mistake.
THere are mild mental health issues here, for me and him, and I often find it confusing to know if I am really seeing things clearly or it is just my negative head. I also wonder though if my partner is the one who has made my depression worse, or vice versa. arghhhh.
Any help most appreciated.