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What do I do now?
I have just recently split up with my husband of 10 years, we have been together for 13 years in total. We are very lucky and have 2 wonderful children together.
Throughout our married life we really have had our ups and downs and like most people we have worked through these. My husband has walked out on me and then us 4 times. Each and every time I have forgiven him and taken him back but not this time.
He left again last week but this time it's different as he actually told our children when I wasn't even there - this is unforgivable.
During the years I have remained faithful and I have read many posts saying that they didn't intend to have feelings for another man, myself included. Now that has happened to me. A year ago I judged people who strayed and often said they should have respect for their partner and let them know they have feeling for someone else. I have not practiced what I have preached.
It started happening at the beginning of a work contract. I meet this guy and he caught my eye and it jolted me somewhat. I put these feelings to the back of my mind as I am married and he was due to be married.
Things continued for months and one day we met up, wrong I know.
When he kissed me I felt alive like I haven't for a long time.
We have continued our affair and see each other whenever we can.
He is getting married in June and it breaks my heart although I haven't told him this.
I am being unfair and should end it but I can't find the strength to.
I know he will never leave for me, I just need to talk to someone who has been through this as I can't talk to my family and friends for obvious reasons.
I do expect a fair amount of critiscism which I do deserve.
Thanks for your time
Comments
Hello, you are indeed brave to tell your story! But you know the answer to your problems already. You just need to be brave enough to deal with them. The first thing you must do is end the affair. Why are you taking part in something you know in your heart is so wrong. You own husband is obviously not a very strong chracter and has let you and your children down, but this really is where your problems start. Go home and sort out your marriage, be brave and call an end to it if you believe that its never going to be right.
Get your self and your children settled and then start over when you feel ready to be in an honest relationship.
The affair will indeed be exciting and give you power and strength, but ultimately will end in disaster for you and the man who is supposed to be getting married very soon, He would be a catch eh! Trustworthy?
Really its time to be brave and deal with your marriage then if you have to start again!
Its not easy, but you know its true.
Hi, thanks for your reply, you are right and I know that.
I have told my husband tonight that there is no way we will get back together. There is more to this than I have posted. My children are my life and their happiness is my ultimate goal. My husband and I are making sure we keep things amicable as at the end of the day we are together in their life.
As to my affair, here lays my problem. I have read loads of posts and I have taken into consideration that people can be deluded and so on, I am going to sound exactly the same.
I love my AB (affair buddy) and we 'fell in love' before anything physical happened, I know this sounds strange! He caught my eye and my heart at the same time (looking back) and I dismissed this, as you do. He told me he had fallen in love with me a month after we spoke on the way home and texted when we could. We are grown adults who should know better.
When we meet we are too comfortable together and just gel like a regular couple and not two people who are essentially having an affair.
He has told me that if things were different we would be together. He had ideas of what the wedding dress will be like, the only problem is I am in it and not his fiance. He can't imagine having children with her but can with me. And so on. I keep thinking that I am being played but he is like a drug.
He is so stressed at work that I don't want to put added pressure on him to make a choice - this is apparant that I am fulfilling something he doesn't get at home. But I WANT HIM!
We meet when we can and when I tried to finish it this week, he says that his wedding is his problem and not mine! He says he will never feel differently about me and that I am his soul mate. I think it's easier for him to go through with it than cancel. I know I am deluded!
Oh well, time for me to sort my life out!
Thanks again!
You are in a serious rut and have been turned by good attention, i think you should try to cool it with this guy, let him end his relationship and deal with it. Then maybe in the future when you have both sorted out your current lives you could be together.
How do you think his intended will feel? Its wrong!
I quite agree, I am in a real rut.
If things were different we would be so right for each other. It's rather like I have found what I have always been looking for although he's not mine. I really have a go and say right now finish it it's not right and so unfair. Then I can't do it. I am usually a tough cookie and can manage to nearly always do the right thing.
My best friend who knows me better than I know myself it seems, just says it's not your worry and why the hell is he going through with it.
How I see it is that it will go one of 2 ways. They will be all loved up after the event and the guilt will set in and we will finish, or he will regret going through with it!
I will not ask him to choose as he quite clearly needs to be where he is right now.
Thanks for your comment though, it has made me think differently. I just need to let him go to see if he comes back. If he does then we are meant to be and if he doesn't then we are not.
I wouldn't like to know how she feels as I know how I was feeling before my wedding and my husband to be wasn't having an affair! I know it's wrong.
What's your story then?
Thanks again
I was married for ten years and my wife left me after an affair, i know how much it hurts. I forgave her and she came home, we were fine for four years, until she went again! Second time around there was no going back. That was six years ago. Im now facing life alone again as my partner of 5 and a half years has left me, she has many issues and im so sad that she has ran away with them. We have a son each from our marriages, she is very close to her son and finds it hard to see him told off by others, or critisized. I care about him and have been his stand in dad since he was 4. But recently my partner has struggled with illness, a thyroid problem, she has not been able to hold down a job and seems to struggle to relax at home, with her and three boys who want to watch football and disney channel. I support her all the way, i told her to give up her job, because of the stress it was causing, ive offered to help her with money, her car needed tax and mot, she declined. we have seperate bank accounts, i pay for house and all bills, she looks after a loan, (taken in my name) and the shopping bill. she has just gone down hill since feb, her son is always in trouble at school over being disruptive in class and she just cannot get through to him. Again i have supported on this, but she just seems to have given up. I came home the day before my birthday on march 30th to a note and her gone. Back to her mum and dads, 20 miles away.
She doesnt want to come home to work on the issues she sees no future, im gutted, she has put her son into new school already. I have since found out she has massive debts on credit, nearly 8 thousand pounds. plus the loan of 5 thousand which is for her car, but in my name!
She has shared this problem with nobody, not even her parents with whom she is stopping. I dont know what to do really. I love her, but it seems she has given up on me, just wants to run away and blame me for not supporting her and belittleing her. Its just so far from the truth it hurts!
she pulled out of a relare visit this week, and i gave her both barrels and told her to accept her position and start to deal with the real problem, the money. let people help i said, you are lying to people who want to help and care, your mum and dad and even your son.
I have had no contact since, and im just sitting waiting to see if she pays her loan as its due tomorrow. If not ill have to do something i guess!
Blimey - that's some history you have there.
I know as a mum myself we are very prtective of our children. I even have a go at my husband if I feel he has been unfair to our children and he is their father!
As you are a dad yourself I would only imagine that you are treating him the same way that you treat your son.
From what you are saying you can't do anymore than be the generous and caring man that you are. If she is ill then maybe she needs to sort herslef out first as she is blaming you - bacause she can. She knows that you are there and that you will continue to take the crap from her.
I don't think she has given up on you, she has given up on herself and no one else matters except her son.
Can you speak with her parents or is that a no go?
Don't blame yourself.
Best wished to you, she doesn't deserve you!
Had a call to her today, as her loan payment is due, asked whether it was going to get paid and she said it was. But i then went on to ask when she intends to clear it as i would or should not be expected to just leave it until it is paid in two years from now. I will have my own life to lead.
She then got shirty and said i had changed my tune, as last week i was wanting to help, now im forcing her into a corner on the car.
I then went on to say i cannot take any more of her blame and punishment, told her i want to help and have all along, yet she has not let me in the month nearly since she left. I asked who knows about her debts and she said just me, i told her that she needs help or else she was going to sink, she still has not told her parents about the money problem. I said she must stop running away and face the fact its caught up with her, she is letting herself down as well as her son, me and her parents, who all care for her.
Told her we should talk in person and left it with her. She claimed that her job is still open for her which she is currently on sick leave from and is for two more weeks, but i think there may be a problem there or another lie as i got top letters from her HR for her today. Both look important one is A4 sized the other a brown envelope. Last week some of her effects from the office were sent back here.
I just dont know what to think, its just a web of lies maybe now. But i do think that its the debt, illness, stress, thats sent her this way, and not really anything that i have done as a person.
Can the payment come out of her account now then? 2 years is a long time. Maybe she should go to a debt consolidation agency they are always mentioning on TV, at least the interest will be capped and she can sort out a payment that's good for her and you can then be free of this debt.
She's only getting shirty as she doesn't like that fact you have said yoyr need to own your own life - little bit of a power thing going on I suspect. I dont think you can actually do anymore, you have done so much already.
The fact you have letters from her work is very worrying, I feel she may need a big reality check!
She needs to find herself again before you can have a future though.
Bit of an update spoke again this afternoon, asked her to confirm her job is ok, she says it is. Told her of the letters and she wasnt concerned about them. Also post from hospital and her appointment for thyroid which has now gone back to july so in a way thats good news.
The loan is in my name thats the problem there, we got her a car last year. she pays it, but its in my name so legally my debt.
She said she would talk to me about our problems, told her to call me when she is ready. Hopefully and god willing she might have a good think about whats been said today and over the past few weeks and maybe we might be able to move forward some how. Its not going to be easy fix, but i just cannot give up on her.
Well that's one positive step forward for you then, I know you can't give up on her. Fingers and toes crossed for you!
Just got to try and sort myself out now! I have been on an emotional roller coaster this week, I just can't seem to keep level at the moment!
My husband wants to come back and I have said no, it's just gone and that's nothing to do with my affair. I have been living like this for the past couple of years and if the truth be told, I was trying my hardest to keep it together for my kids (sound like a man!). As they are aware of the situation, they seem to be coping very well. My daughter is the one who is a little worrying, although it's more about me than daddy as she is such a mummy's girl. It's if I go out she just needs reassuring that I am coming home. My son seems to be taking things in his stride. He remembers the last time that daddy left!
I know I am wrong but I so wish my other man was actually mine. He texted my at 6.30 this morning as I am the first thing on his mind! That's what gets me, affairs are meant to be just sex and this is so much more than that. I do need to finish it as it really isn't fair on his partner, I know you have experienced this twice in your marriage. My first love left me for someone else and I was devestated. That's why I don't understand why I am now doing this.
It's rather like a drug to be honest. From a man's point of view, am I being played? He is so 'honest' with me and tells me everything. I am now the first person he calls with news and he is so emotional and open when we are together I find that hard to believe it's not real? I should know better being in my late 30's really! Life is a right bitch sometimes!
Thanks
Dear Crisisokay and Markyboy230597, It is good to read this correspondence. You both seem to be gaining from sharing your experiences. Just to observe that the National Debt Helpline, tel 0808 808 4000 is a good starting point for anyone in difficulty with finance, Best wishes to you both, Jenny
As a man i guess he is feeling excited that he has you to share his thoughts with, cause he obviously has such doubts about his up and coming wedding. But it still means he is being dishonest, you are his guilty pleasure.
As i said, i think you should sort out your own life, seperaration and divorce if that what follows are very very emotional times i should know! You will need a lot of strength for yourself, your kids. You will need to sort out your home and get sorted, you do not need to be envolved in a episode of Dallas where you are seen as the woman who stopped someones wedding and ruined their life.
let him deal with that and then he will come and find you when its all sorted and he is in a position to move on with out hurting and deciving people.
I know and so am I!
You are right and I should take notice and carry on with it. My husband and I aren't going to divorce staright away as I don't see why at the moment. Really we would have to do the 2 year seperation one anyway and he knows nothing of my affair. Let things take their own course and settle as a seperated couple and get used to that. It will be harder for him as it's me now who doesn't want it anymore.
He is going to get married and there hasn't been any talk of him not doing it. He just sees me as his bride though which is scary on his part. As I say, it's easier to carry on that pull out of the event.
I think the wedding will be make or break as he has said he looks upon her as a companion and they don't have the spark that we do. Although saying that, would be still share that if we were out in the open or is it because we are a 'secret' and it's more exciting. Our best friends know what we are up to and he has recently told someone else - oh dear! My BF feels that maybe he wants her to find out and then he doesn't have to do it, he really is a big softie! I really don't know. I have tried to end it but he always manages ti change my mind! Maybe because in my heart of hearts I don't want it to end.
I am being such a selfish moo and someone who I never thought I would be. I need to really sort myself out and as you say if it's meant to be, then he'll come back to me.
I am not scared of being on my own so it's not that.
How I see it is that he ticks all my want boxes and that is rare.
I would never ask him to choose between us.
All rather mind blowing really!
Its utter madness this world it really is, you know what is right from wrong yet you still continue to drift in the wrong direction. He needs to go sort his life out, before its too late, dont let yoursef get dragged into something embarrassing, your husband will be hurt your kids will be hurt, you will be hurt.
End it now, cut the contact tell your lover its wrong and why.
Do the right thing!
My day has been just one of complete stress, i knew it would be. I text her this morning to see if there was any chanc of the chat about our problems and maybe i could see S [name deleted], her son. But firstly she takes forever to reply. Then when it comes its just a put off. Oh i think your trying to put me a corner to do things i dont want to do. My reply to that was that i see her as already in a corner and im trying to draw her out of it and help us both move forward. I just dont know, when do i give up? I dont want to, i really want to save what i have with her cause i think if we could just talk things over then we could start to trust in each other again and help ourselves have a decent life. I dont want to be on my own again at 43 looking for a soul mate, when again for the second time in my life i thought id found her, only for this to happen. Why will she not see the good in me and the decent man that i am. why is she so sure that i cannot help?
The weekends since march have just got more and more hopeless for me. I couldnt concentrate after those texts and needed to go out, sent my lad to my mum and dad. I cannot bear to see him hanging about while im fed up. I cannot spend time with my own parents cause they do not really agree with me trying to solve the relationship. But they worry about me so much, they have been through this with me three times now.
Its been good at least getting these problems off my chest, with somebody else who is having a dilema!
Do you think if i leave it and dont pester her it will help? How much thinking about it all do you think she will be doing? Do you think she might be scared to let me in to her life because she thinks i will try to make her come back here, which i know is not going to happen so is not my intention. I just want to be with her again and supporting her, i want to go back to the start if we have to. If she thinks her life is a rented house and 20 miles away, i want to be part of that.
I wished i knew why life is so hard, im struggling today, i drove over the 20 miles and past her parents house. Why?
I didnt see anybody and i dont know what i was intending to do if i did! I looked again at the last text i've had from her and now im trying to be calm and not call again. But i just want things to move on, its hell waiting for her to come out of that cornerand deal with it all!
Okay I wil try and do that.
By texting her you are giving her to pressures, that of her personal finances and then her son so in her terms that's double trouble. These are her problems and even though you are there to help, she wont appreciate being pushed in this if you know what I mean. Her guard will go straight up as she has demonstrated.
What I don't get is if you wanted to see S, why send your son to your parents? You need to be a rock for your son too and sending him away may cause problems. Get yourself together for a day and take him out and have some boys time - you may surprise yourself. I have taken my kids out all afternoon to an adventure park and in the sun I feel great!
At the end of the day 43 is not 'old'. Take some time out, go and get lashed with the boys and stop feeling sorry for yourself - you have gone beyind trying to help her at the moment.
I do think you should stop contacting her, it will be really hard but you MUST do it. Being a female if yoy stopped the contact, I would be thinking your lack of communication really upsetting and would miss it. Then I would decide that I had to contact you. You are strong for her in so many ways - be strong for yourself on this one. As you say, if it's meant to be she will come back to you. Give her enough rope etc as the saying goes.
Once she comes back into contact you can see if she wants to come back.. Maybe a break in living arrangements will do you good. 20 miles isn't that far.
I can underfstand why you drove there but don't do it again until you are invited.
Patience is a virtue as they say.
You seem to be a level headed guy, take a step back and let her come back to you. You can do no more.
Have a chill out time and relax and wake up tomorrow thinking you need to get on with this!
I hope this helps.
That was good advice, you are very right of course. i spoke to her this afternoon and explained my anxity i needed to tell her why i think its important that we do talk everything over. The reasons we are apart, the fact that we have both not been there for each other. Her reason for not being straight with me about her debts.
All these issues bring us back to her other problems with health, kids, family and us. I reminded her that i cannot see thru walls.
I told her i felt tortured at the moment with the uncertain future and just want to move things on. i admitted that i knew things would have to be very different and living arrangements like you say would have to change.
I told her she was constantly on my mind cause im so worried about her, i just keep thinking of all our best times together, and want them back.
I agreed to give her space and just hope she now realises where im coming from. I hope that silence will help and that she takes some time out to do some serious thinking and considering. I guess she is quite busy at her mums with her son there all the time and her mum and dad. To stop and ponder is most likely difficult. Where as i have lots of empty time.
I asked my lad if he wanted to come out today, but he wasnt bothered, its not that i sent him away. Just thought he'd have more fun with my parents than just wandering around with me trying to find something to do.
I will busy myself tomorrow with the garden or go out shopping maybe.
Hope you are still feeling good after your day out. stay focused.
Right, you must now give her the space she has been asking for. You have told her again how important she is and now she needs to absorb and digest this. She wont be able to do this until you give her that space - OKAY! I know it's hard.
I asked my husband for space at the beginning of the year and he just couldn't do it - this drove me further away. So please listen to me and let her contact you. Take it from someone who knows.
Get on with the garden and occupy yourself with things throughout the day.
Yes I am feeling great after yesterday thanks, I have another funfilled day - kids parties and so on! Good chance to have a chat and coffee with friends.
The situation is very different with me, I am the one who doesn't want to get back with my husband. He is coming round later and I am not looking forward to it! I feel he is not listening to me when I say it's over. It is! As I have said my kids are coping well and that's my main priority.
I didn't hear from you know who from 2 yesterday and I wont contact him today. We do have a problem with contact in the week as we are still working on a contract together. If I turn round and say I need to be moved off, this will cause a real problem. We do need to speak re work things everyday!
I know what you are saying is right - we are meeting this week and I will have that conversation face to face and that's best. The only problem is that I will feel really emotional and will probablt cry - I am not like that either! Oh well, I'll update you on that one.
Have a good day and catch up soon.
Thanks really appreciate it.
Your husband has left a few times before, why does he go? You are now sure its over so you say. He has returned yesterday and asked to come home, where does he go when he leaves?
Im being a bit nosey here i guess, but what is his problem? You like you have said have always remained loyal, faithful, but where is the problem in your relationship?
As for me today, ill try to fill up the day. Im stressing a little about H's comments on her job still being open, and her getting sick pay still. Why did they send her effects through the post? I let it go though i guess, maybe she just asked her mate in the office to send them back, it was a picture of S and a calender from school.
She might be lying which would be sad, but its funny how trust goes when these things happen. I will do as you say and not worry myself about it. She knows its a massive risk to lie to me now, so hopefully it is just my mind. I have asked her more than once about the job.
Hope to here how your getting on later.
5 in total! I am 99% sure when I say it's over. We have been having difficulties since December last year. Bascically I felt that we (my children and I) were not high up on his agenda, drinking, smoking and any sport that was on Sky at the pub were.
This is quite characteristic before we got married (he's 7 years older than me) and I thought he may grow up when we had our first child. This wasn't the case. On his first fathers day I chucked him out as he had stayed out all night and I had no idea where he was. When challenged he said 'why should my life change' hence why I asked him to leave.
Throughout he would park up outside the house and walk straight to the pub without coming in to see us to make sure all was okay and that the kids were fine. Later on, would have been nice to asked how they had got on at school. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with him going to the pub, but after seeing us first.
We are either really good or really bad and that in itself is tiring, I am quite easy to plod along in the middle ground and enjoy the highs - not the lows.
This has been going on really for 10 years of marriage. I have always fought to keep my family together and I didn't want my kids to go through the same as me - my parents divorced when I was 18 months. I am really easy going,although I know I have my faults. He can goo away on lads holidays and does regularly. Golf, skiing, rugby and football. I have no problem although I don't do it as my kids are still quite young. I can do all of that when they are older and don't actually wont me around! There are all other silly petty arguments along the way and anything can set him off. When enduring this and him leaving it has made me into a hard faced cow. As soon as he starts the wall goes up and I say I just don't care. I mean it and I let him make his own mind up.
I feel this is why I started my affair with 'Tom' (not his real name) gives me a sense of self belief and he makes me feel alive. I feel sometimes my husband just kills my character and self worth.
I have been really low this year and with that my sex life has suffered greatly and he can't cope with this. He then says that his behaviour is because I don't make him feel wanted and therefore it's my fault when he has a go at me in front of our friends. If I gave him sex, he would behave better! I have given in and after the event I have been in tears and feeling dreadful
I am not intentionally trying to hurt him, I just feel that the spark has gone and I need to get my life into some kind of order before I hit 40 - a few years yet.
I have good friends around me who have been in my life for years and they are worried about me as I would be them. I do feel okay though so I know at the moment I have made the right choice. I suppose in a wat I pushed him out, but it was his choice to actually leave. I always said that if he packed his bag and left the house one more time, then THAT IS IT! I have repeated this to him and he know's I mean it. Normally I am 'oh it's okay' and let him come home. The last time was 3 years ago although we lived apart for 7 months. When this keeps happening you feel as though you are walking on egg shells and can't be your trueself in case you cause upset. I deserve better than that.
I am trying to keep things amicable because of the kids and have said for him still to come on the family holiday in the summer, although I feel I may regret this, the kids will love it.
All a bit of a pickle really!
Maybe H did ask a colleague, but send them to your address, surely her current one? I am sure she will tell you when she is able. She may be lying but maybe to save face, just don't judge her until she is ready to talk - her space remember!
Have you done some gardening today then?
Speak soon, and thanks it's great to chat!
The weather here is a bit damp so no, watched London marathon, but getting a bit edgy now. Will have some lunch then go out to shops maybe.
Your husband sounds like a normal guy, Pubs and football. Has he ever been close to the rest of you?
Im totally the opposite of that, i work fulltime, im [identifying detail removed] as well so im constantly caring about others problems. I love football and do watch it at home, but can go without. The two lads H's, S and mine K, will watch any sport any time, and it does drive H dotty.
Your ex definately hasnt been there for you and there are definately obvious good reasons for you to feel isolated and totally unepreciated. That over many years will obviously take you to the point you are today. You have given your life to your family, your husband included and that is honourable. If you have tried on many previous occassions to get the spark back into your marriage and he has not kept up the effort, then maybe it is time for you to seperate like you have said amicably.
I know how hard divorce can be, i never wanted my marriage to end and it was hard to take, but we never fought over K. So once i got over the shock of her affair and got to grips with it, i had to then fight her for over a year for my family home. I kept it in the end, with much help from family with money and so on. Divorce is nasty! So be aware that it needs you to be strong willed and reasonable, and that sometimes goes out the window. You are looking at a two year dissolvement i guess, but thats a long time in limbo land. You need to be very strong this time if you are indeed sure that its over, no more chances! The holiday in the summer will cause you more issues in my opinion, you will have to let him take them or you should take them alone. It doesnt work if you continuely keep getting back together and having small periods of happiness, no good for you if you want a happy long lasting relationship in the future with someone else.
Space is what she is getting, i just hope she will sit down and stop to think. I just keep thinking that she is blocking everything out. Her parents, and friends none the wiser to the fact that she is backed into the corner with debts. Most likely thinking that H is there cause i didnt care or help her with all her other problems.
Once again thanks for listening, keep in touch!
My husband has his own business and isn't afraid of hard work. I work part time after having the kids to make sure I contributed at the same time, seeing them grow up.
I know this isn't going to be a walk in the park for me, but at the end of the day I really do not see any option here. I have tried and tried and tried and do not want to look back in years to come and regret wasting my life. On the other hand I may regret not trying one more time - both are not good.
My kids will not be fought over, they will stay with me in our family home. I am doing my upmost to make sure of that. If finances get tight the plan will be to rent our house out. I am fortunate that my parents have said we are more than welocome to move back, This is my last resort as I couldn't imagine moving back are to leaving so many years ago! I am sure I can stay here. My car loan finishes in 11 months. I can cut down on anything else. I can drive when I go out with my friends. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy a glass of wine, but to save money and still socalise, I will be the nominated driver!
I do agree about the holiday - 10 days will be a long time if it's not good between us. I would actually much prefer to take them away on my own. We are all inclusive and going to a kid friendly resort so there it's lots to do everyday - I am really looking forward to it.
I am glad you are giving her space, if you are tempted the DONT you will make it worse. She may be blocking stuff out, that's her decision. Leave her to it.
I have been texting you know who throughout the day and my last text was that maybe we should end and he should concentrate on his wedding. I haven't had a reply yet - maybe I wont now until tomorrow as I know they have some organising to do today. It's so hard as I really want to say why is he getting married, not because of me but because who would do this with the wedding not too far away. I take full resposibilty for being the other party - how can I not, but I don't understand where his head or heart is right now. I don't think he does.
No worries re listening, thanks for advising me. Catch you later
Its early afternoon and i've been out and done a bit of shopping, found that hard cause it just seems odd to go somewhere without H doing trivial stuff. Back now anyway, thought i'd see if you had been on. All this has really helped me this weekend. Still very lonely in my mind though.
Dont you think about nice things and they hurt you. How do you ignore that? I look around and just see an empty family home. Holiday pictures, all sorts. I hate to think of it being all a waste. We had a wonderful Disney world holiday in 08 and i cannot stop thinking about how happy we were then. How wonderful life was to be together, even with the day to day problems that life still broughts us then. Why do women give up so easily on the roller coaster of life.
Leave him to his wedding problems i say, that is not your problem at all. He has alot of thinking and explaining to do, to his future bride, plus all the family and friends who will be let down by it all. As we both know, if its real between you and him he will be man enough to call off the wedding, for both of your sakes.
Here is another way to look at it, he knows you are married already, you have had a tough time, i guess you have told him that! Plus you have children to consider, and a seperation to deal with in the next year or even two. What are his feelings on your children, will he want to be part of all that.
I guess your mate Tom is younger than you? Has he got any children? Working together is a problem when it comes to trying to end an affair i guess, but it looks like you need to try and get away from working with him as soon as possible. You work in an office or out and about? Can i ask how long this has been going on?
My wifes first affair was about two months when i challenged her on it, she was just not herself our son was 3 years old she started working very late, and preening herself for work. I was cold shouldered and felt akward, in the end she told me she was going to her mums and started packing, i asked her then if there was anybody else and she said Yes. It was like my whole world fell apart in that second, my family, my son and my ideal world was gone! How had this happened to me? In the next second i wanted to forgive her, it was amazing, i felt the need to make it all right. She left and as i have said i went about trying to get to the bottom of why it had happened. I changed in the time she was gone, i guess i grew up a bit. i was a lazy husband to that point, but i cared. When she came back we got through four years together until she drifted away again and fell into another affair. This time i never tried to save it, i was gutted but it was a waste of my energy. We had been together 18 years. Now she is just a friend and mother of our son, who has been kind to me since this happened to me. She knows i guess that she also put me through this.
I think that leaving someone you love must be a very hard thing to do, but yet its so cruel! I have felt so frustrated on occassions in my life, with people around me, H, S and K. I have been at my whits end, but i have never thought, i must leave them all and run away to somewhere else. only once have i gone out the door and shut it behind me, not telling people where im going. just once, i knew i would go back but i needed to get out.
H called me and i ignored it, when i got back i wasnt challenged but just told that i was stupid! I agree i was stupid! Running solves nothing, talking calmly and listening might! In a phone call to H last week, she put the phone down on me twice, when we were on the subject of family and how she deals with S. She didnt like to hear what was being said, it hit a nerve. so she put the phone down. then when i spoke to her Friday about her loan and how i would expect her to clear it if there was to be no us, she got annoyed with me. i told her to get help from her parents as im sure they will help if they know what the problem is. I said that if things get worse then i will have to tell them myself, she is terrified of them knowing! and i put the phone down.
Childish!
She called straight back and complained, i told her it is indeed childish to ignore people and put phones down on them. I was just making a point! Trying to reinforce the need for us to sit down together and be honest and frank about all thats happened and why. I really wanted to get her to go to relate. Maybe after this time to think, how ever long that is! Then maybe she will consider going through with that. It just seems that she doesnt want to share her lifes problems with anybody at the moment!
Im ousted cause i stopped caring is what she said yesterday, i said that i was feeling pushed away since feb, when out sex life dissappeared. Then the hugs became a problem, although we still gave pecks on the cheeks when leaving for work. I felt i had tried so hard to make her feel comfortable about what i thought were her issues, illness, work, kids and my family etc. But what i never knew was that she had debts mounting and little money coming in.
This is an epic! What do you think about that lot?
Dear Markyboy (and crisisokay)
I am very glad that this site is allowing you to give advice and support to each other and I encourage you to continue to use it.
But you will see that I have edited a number of the comments you have made above. This is because the details you have been giving about the names of your family and your work might be sufficient to allow you to be identified by otherusers of this site. This is against the terms and conditions of this site, which are designed among other things to allow your privacy to be protected.
I hope you do not feel discouraged from continuing to comment, but perhaps you could continue to refer to your family by their initials rather than first names.
I wish you success in working through your situation.
Im sorry of course, never ment any harm.
Me either!
I agree, it's nice to have someone to 'talk' to who you don't know from Adam! hahaha!
It will be lonely for you, I am in a better situation as I have my kids with me, although they have been driving me up the wall this afternoon with their constant bickering - bless them though.
It's different for me as I dont' really think about the goods times, mainly the bad times! We normally have one big argument on holiday in any case. Maybe it's not fair to say all women give up on the roller coaster of life - look at me! You may find that once H has some medical help, things will all seems rather different.
I would never ask him to call it off and in the beginning I was the one that stressed that noone would be leaving theor relationships for anyone and we were just filling a gap we both had in our lives. We didn't think it would last this long.
Yes he knows all about my tough time and that I have the kids. He also knows and respects that my kids come first no matter what and he thinks I am a good mum anyway. I have never asked him how he feels about me having children, I have never hidden them from him although when we are togther we try and not talk about our 'normal' lives just us and learn about each other and so on.
You are right he is 4.5 years younger than me, 5 on my next birthday! Not too bad I suppose. Bit strange as my hubby is older. I feel 'Tom' is more mature and much better fun to be around. He so makes me laugh and feel like a right kid, can be embarassing sometimes!
I work mainly in the office although I do go out and about when the need arises. He has been coming to my office weekly for 4 weeks although he missed last week, he is due in this week though.
Good question, how long has it been going on? The contract started the end of March last year. We obviously began chatting on the phone, and I was amazed how easy the conversation was. We first met the next month and we both felt a spark. He always says he knew there would be trouble when he first saw me walk down the stairs into reception! I was taken aback on how I felt on first impressions although I dismissed it. We carried on talking through the week when necessary but not outside of work for a while. One day I called him as I was leaving early accidently using my own mobile knowing his phone can see incoming phone numbers! On purpose, then he texed me his number.
He then came down to my office in September and I felt quite nervous and so on. Emails became more suggestive and so on. We then started speaking on the way home from work and then texting when we could. We still speak every week day and on the way home and text when we can over the weekend. He ecen texts me when they are away!
We then met up for a drink in November - he went to kiss me but I said no. We then met the next week and I let him kiss me. We didn't have full sex until January this year and have only done that about 4 times. I know an emotional affair is just as bad. He told me he loved me in December and I was a little taken a back as I was battling my own feelings, only to realise I was in love with him. Mad I know but we just can't help ourselves.
Was your relationship okay before you wife started the affair. Moving out after 2 months is quite quick I would say. You must have been very strong to want to try and forgive her straight away, it's easy to judge when on the outside opposed to when you are in the situation. I take my hat off to you. At the end of the day, there is the 2 of you in a relationship and it's up to you what you do and ignore others.
I don't blame you, you tried once and still still did it again. Is she still with the same guy now? How often to you see K now then?
Did she call today when you ignored the call? I hate it when my husband puts the phone down on me, yes it's really childish. I can't say I don't do it. Only when he is verbally abusing me, I just can't be bothered to listen. Then I don't answer the phone at all as I am so angry - childish as well!
To say you stopped caring yesterday is rather silly, how can she say that! Again she is throwing anything at you to hurt you, she doesn't probably mean it, just lashing out as she is not herself at the mo.
Apart from the car loan, her debts are her problem. She can't hide away from them forever,once she faces this fact the better it will all become. She knows you are there, leave her to it.
You showed great strength when your wife had her first affair, use that strength now! You can so do it.
I look forward to the next instalment.
Take care
Here goes then,when my wife had her affair in 99 i was just turned 31 i guess. i married at 27 so we were still getting our house in order, we both worked full time, but not enormous salaries. Just made ends meet really and had the very occassional english holiday, and decent christmas for the lad. she longed for career and nights out with the girls. i was just the same as now but even less domesticated, wasnt much help except where k was concerned, i loved him and did all the parent stuff.
She i guess resented being married and wanted other things, i cannot really answer for her. I think having me and k stopped her doing what she wanted career wise. So her affair started with a guy from work not unlike your story i guess. Her head was turned, he was married also though cause i tracked him down once i found out. Never fronted him personally, but told my wife i knew who he was. He ended affair straight away. It was April when she left, and Oct when she came home, my family who im close to, didnt really approve, but i was sure it would be ok. Time soften the family and she was accepted into the fold.As i said before all went well for 4 years, our jobs improved and we sorted the house with extentions, went on some great holidays with family and friends. But eventually she just drifted away again, i cannot explain to this day what it was that went wrong. Im quite a sexual person i guess, quite a romantic at heart, she never was. Maybe that was the difference.
she told me she didnt love me after a holiday in tenerife in oct, and then we lived a desperate two months to the jan when she finally packed and left for mums again. I was gutted but relieved in the same instant, it had been a horrible time of living a lie. she did not want to be there and i couldnt change her. She left saying there was no one else, but within two weeks that became a dubious statement, she was with a guy she knew from school and k's beaver group. He had 3 kids from his marriage which had ended, they were just mates, she later brought a house with him and lived with him for 5 years until that ended much to my hilarity last summer. Im not laughing now though!
She has been kind to me in the last few weeks and gave me some time, just listening to me. Fair play to her i guess it makes up for the shit she knows she put me through. she is now in her latest relationship but i think she is taking her time with this one, and carefully not getting in to deep financially. just brought her own house.
I see k for two days every week wed, thu, then every other week its weekend as well so wed, thu, fri, sat, sun. Get loads of help with him where getting to school is concerned from my parents who live up the road. Of course when h is here thats even easier. So its a 50 50 arrangement and always has been. h has always found k coming home a bit of a challenge cause she believes it changes the house dynamic. I guess it does but not that badly. when s and h first moved here, k was 7 s was 4 so still little. they didnt have much in common. but as they got older they played together more and yet still clashed, just like siblings would. s is or was i should say, here every day except for the fortnightly visit to his dad or grand parents. So i was used to him being around and his habits and challenges. k would come home to s and all this and maybe find it hard to fit in. k also would question h's ability to deal with s. why doesnt she tell him off dad. why are you doing it? that was when k was 9 or 10. k could see s was getting away with stuff under his mums nose. she has never really got the better of him, he still gives her stress with his behavior at school and he constantly wants from her. he never lets up, and she keeps on giving. She just loves him so much, he is her little man, as she says. she will not have others make comment without throwing something back, like your family this or your son that. K last year and the year before was quite a miserable little sod to be around sometimes, quite down on everything, from the fact his football team was rubbish to the fact he didnt want to go disney world! Quite a strain, cause i was struggling to make him be more positive about life. But in that period he was getting under h's skin, cause of these traits and his hot and cold relationship with s. K was just changing from juniors to seniors and had his mums mad life and my mad life to deal with so i guess these things all played there part.
H just got annoyed with him, being so down on life. So whenever there was a s fallout and it was being dealt with i would get told that my son was not perfact and i do not treat them the same. My answer to that is they have different personalities thus different disipline. I would agree that k was a misery but was trying to encourage him. it often got me down as much as it did her.
The call i ignored was on Friday after she got worried that i was going to contact her parents about her debts, which i still think is her best option. I ignored her to make the point that when people do not reply to calls and texts, it can be seen as controling. there is nothing worse than a text that recieves no reply yet you know the other person is at the other end.
Yes saturdays answer to why Are we where we are was that really, not much detail or depth. She seems to find it hard to give me any real substance in her answers to my questions at the moment yet i know she is an articlate person, she listens to me on the end of the phone, yet has little to offer in return. She says i stopped trying?
I simply find this hard to take, yes i sulked she had withdrawn her love on nearly all levels, our sex life was at a halt, it was struggling since december i guess with her illness making her stressed and very tired. It still happened once a week until end of feb, then it just became. You dont get it do you! im to tired im to ill. I just wanted to be loved! March brought me going into a sulk and not being able to sleep, going to bed at the same time meant stress for both of us, she hoping that i would leave her alone and me hoping that she would love me. Pretty sad. So i got stressed and worried. April came she was gone!
Had i stopped trying? No i wanted her badly, i wanted her to get better, i wanted her to stop being depressed and snap out of it. i wanted s to settle at school and not get into trouble, we talked often about how to help him, with the teachers and s himself. I wanted her to get on with my family and maybe that was a bad move cause she resented the way they felt about s and nobody was bing up front on both sides really, so she was uncomfortable with it all. but she never put her cards on the table and insisted it was too much for her. I did the lions share of house work and chours. but thats really not a home breaker.
I tried i really did, i guess if anybody had given up its her. She was obviously depressed and with time on her hands must have been looking for a way to make life better. Maybe she knew that money was getting tight, i would not help or approve of her asking for money. She never told me of debts i was none the wiser, thus that worry tipped the balance i think. She must have thought it was time to get out, take her problems elsewhere to deal with alone. I wouldnt care! So she started to look at internet sites for a school for s, jobs near her mums, second hand furniture, houses to rent. All that i found out by looking at computer history for the two weeks before she left. Im pretty sure it was really the debts that was driving her, more than anything i had done to her or not done for her. She had lost faith in me and herself and ran away. To go back to what she was doing when i met her. living alone in a rented house, bringing up s, with a local job.
Its all so sad, but if im anywhere near a good judge of her, thats the reason. Money, being Stubborn and pride!
Hope you are ok, was looking forward to a message?
Hi yes, sorry! I was out all day/night yesterday. I am at work at the moment so will log back on to reply a little later.
Hope you are okay!
Been a tough day but ok,
Right, I'm back - sorry about not replying sooner - bit hectic yesterday and didn't have the opportunity at work.
Did you know she felt like that? It's almost as though she didn't commit to the marriage from the start. In the beginning finances are stretch due to getting a house, paying for the wedding and starting out in careers. At the end of the day you got there!
You do get a great sense of satisfaction when they split up, I know I did when my exboyfriend spolit up with his wife (who he traded me in for). 'Told you' springs to mind!
Sounds like she is finding her own way now which is great - good on her. I am glad she has been a support to you.
You have a happy balance with K then which is really important. At the end of the day they are the innocent parties in all the crao with make them see and hear and so on.
H sounds a little unfair saying that K unsettles the house, you had S there?? It seems as though she is not a very strong parent in dicipline, some people just aren't. I see it all the time as I have lots of friends with kids. I am firm but fair. Someone has to be the parent eh? Normally the mum does more as they tend to be at home more. Family dynamics are a mind field really! From what you are saying she is on her defensive straight away. That must be hard for her to know that people are only doing their best and it's not a criticism of her as a person. Bless she sounds like she needs a huge hug.
K is just turning into a teenager or a 'Kevin' in our day and may feel unsettled coming round if all things weren't well, is he okay now he just has you?
In all, I don't think anyway likes their own child to be put down - bit of a sticky wicket really. Will never be easy but surely manageable?
Maybe when she addresses what is going on in her life and you start communicating yoy may find that all aspects of your life will start falling back into place. I know I have put my husband through hell as my sex life in nonexistant with him - At first it was okay seeing as well but when things got more between 'us' it did cause a problem with my homelife.
When woman shut down - in my case - the love and warmth and labido go to the side and when we start to feel better, it starts returning.
Do you thinks S's behaviour at school stems from seeing his mum depressed? She needs to accept that she is depressed before she can act on it. Time is a great healer but a bastard at the same time!
She sounds as though she needs to find herself hence her actions, you haven't given up on her and you have done more than your fair share. Now it's time for her to proove herself to you - you deserve that.
I wont be back online until a little later.
Take care
hello, im late getting back, had a tough two days trying to be hard. but managed it. The ex wife and me first! Well we got together when i was 18 she was just 16, so that was along relationship as kids, into marriage. lived in each others pockets i guess.
H and discipline, i would say she does struggle with it, will not rise to the challenge enough, she would say im too harsh. But harsh wins respect with kids and that what we all need. S behaviour at school, and his mum being depressed, no not really. S has been a challenge since before school, its just his personality. He is stubborn and nosey at the same time. Needs to be noticed!
Here is the big news, H and S came around tonight, called first. I was painting the decking. We had a good hours chat and seemed to get some reasonable dialogue going, talked about money, family, holidays, S.
Went well and even got a hug and kiss on cheek, so its been a decent evenig so far. Hopefully a breakthru.
Whats new with you any developments?
Hiya,
Brilliant news! Really pleased that you have that first step forward. Well done you! I like the fact you were painting the decking - good to see you are keeping yourself busy!
Well I did say on Sunday about not seeing each other and I got a 'NO'. We had lunch yesterday but I din't bring it up as he is really stressed with work and of course the big day! I said that he could speak to me but he said he didn't want to as I was his only nice part to such a stressy day.
I have been sitting here mulling it over again in my mind. At the moment would I cause him more stress with everything going on, by finishing it and wait until after? That sounds really big headed of me but I can't explain it any other way. I am just so confused. The thought of him not being in my life gives me cold shivers and that's not nice. Then I am such a cow by doing what I am doing, takes two to tango I know! I will see him again this week and maybe mention it again. At the end of the day I wouldn't expect him to leave for me, as I said that was a no no from the start, so I know there is no future. That way I am not deluded. Why can't I just stick to my guns and say 'that's it'?
Nothing else has happend with my husband. We were invited to a party on Saturday. We had an argument when we went to an already organised event, so I can't risk that again.
He has finally realised what he has done to me. He has said the reaction from his friends was such a wake up call, too little too late. I am hurting him and it's not nice. I need to think of the kids and then me. I need to find me again. My mum said I have been coming back to myself over the past couple of weeks which is great.
Life is so confusing!
Speak soon
Its along road to Eden! You must be strong and sensible. It will be hard to give up your lover, cause it makes you feel good, i just think its going to get nasty at some stage though, not between you and him but with others.
It just seems daft to get drawn into that mess! Are you sure there is no way back with your husband, is there no love and respect there anymore, could you not try relate?
Its hard if not impossible to change people i know, but somethings are worth trying for. He needs to be honest about that though, not you. Im glad you see yourself "finding yourself" as you say. Maybe because you have decided the marriage is over. If that really is the case, then i would again reinforce the idea that you concentrate on that. End your marriage carefully and without incident!
Its not a nice game, divorce and separation do get nasty, no matter how nicely you try to do it. Mud will get thrown.
I feel better this evening, long way to go i guess. Will sit tight now and await the next move from her. She told me about how hard her relationship with her parents is, and that she feels they wouldnt help her too much with money. She feels they would just lecture and she couldnt take that. My parents would sell there house to help me. I think she under estimates her parents. But she claims they never offered her money when her marriage ended and she was in the same boat then, needing money to pay a bond for rented house.
I just think she's not prepared to ask or show any failings to them. Its pride again i guess!
I know, I have tried again today but he wont have it - I haven't been that hard on him though.
i will have a chat about it tomorrow when I see him. Thing is he knows I don't really mean it!
I am sure that there is no way back with my husband, don't get me wrong I wish there were. I have tried ny hardest for a long time and I just cannot do it anymore. Surely I deserve better. I think he has finally realised what a complete arse he has been. I know I am no angel but I have been living a lie for a while now. I said to my mum at the beginning of the year that I couldn't do it anymore.
I really do not think Relate will help us now, he has always said no in the past anyway when I have suggested help.
Also, how would I be sure that we wont end up here again, if this was the first break up then yes I would want to try again. My feelings are numb to it all at the present time, maybe I will be like that for a long time. At the end of the day the kids know so I don't have to hide it from them. Us 3 are very happy and we talk things thrugh, I know they are young, but they do know that can tell me anything and they do! So reasuring. The see daddy a lot (everyday) so they are okay.
He doesn't know anything about x. He had suspicions and I talked through them and he has completely let that go now. So there wont be that incident to deal with.
I know it wont be nice, I don't want to get divorced at the moment anyway, what is the point? As you say we will only be able to do the 2 year thing anyway.
I am glad you had a better evening, and yes sit tight and let her come to you - remember SPACE! You are going so well.
Your parents sound like mine, we are the lucky ones. Let her deal with her own parents, they are not your worry.
I agree, pride does get in the way.
Speak soon
hello, hope your day went ok. Let me know of any developments.
I made a bit of a mistake, i asked if she wanted to do something this weekend, got a knock back said she had plans and now im massively dissappointed. called her to just explain that i had hoped that by asking now, wednesday, that id be in time to have a chance of it coming off. But she was ok, about it. Suppose she is still needing the space like you said, I was just to eager to see her again.
I doubt she is fully booked for the weekend but she's still taking things in i suppose. After she left yesterday, she texted me when she got to her mums. we exchanged about eight in all, so it was positive. Asked about s and school and about what she is doing with her time. She says she is maybe looking at rentals soon. So maybe thats whats she is doing at weekend! I asked if thats expensive and she said that housing benifits will cover most of rent.
When me and k were just walking home from my mums we saw her and s, they were on the way to football training, thats why i thought id call i guess. Oh its just so hard! I explained that to her when i called her, told her i just thought it would be nice was dissappointed to here she was busy cause im at a loose end. As i said i think she understood me anx, i said no worries and ill leave her in peace. She said she would call me soon.
So its back on the fence for me i guess!
Here is my up date for today, thursday. Im off work as im taking k to hospital with his mum. we have to every couple of years cause he had major heart surgery when he was a baby, they just keep an eye on his progress. Had a call from h this morning after i text her to tell her about another credit card call, she was fine about it. Askedme what i was doing and told her i was off to hospital, she asked if i was going with ex. That always made her uncertain and obviously still does. I asked her wha she was dong and she said swimming with her mum. then she is out friday evening with her mate, then off to see her friend in wales for rest of bank holiday. I feel better for knowing where she is going cause after the dissappointment of yesterday it sort of seems fair enough. Its hard being on the outside, trying to get information out of her. I asked if we could catch up next week, i think she is ok with that. she said she would call, i got tearful so i ended the call at that. Will have to find something to do again this weekend to keep me sain. Hope you are ok !
Well i do hope you are alright, ive got through another day i guess. Sent one more text regarding a conversation i had with credit people this evening, plus i let her know how i'd got on at hospital with k. Im not really sure if she is that interested in him, but i thought it might be nice if she knew.
Long weekend ahead, another one! I dont remember ever having so much time on my hands. Looks like weather is going down the pan, so i guess i'll look at painting the kitchen, havent a clue what colour as that usually h's call. i do most stuff shades of blue, she takes the piddle cause of that.
Ahhh! What did you do that for! I know it's hard. Glad you exchanged some texts though, as you say that's a positive move.
I really hope your son's test were all okay, such a massive worry for you and his mum.
Is S's father not around then if she feels uncertain about your ex. She needs to get over that, she is K's mum after all!
You are right, it is hard being on th eoitside. My husband asked me to take a jacket to the dry cleaners this morning (cheek) and I naturally asked where he was going. Nothing to do with me though!
Leave her alone this weekend as it's getting more upsetting. She has told you what she is doing - let her texted you!
I would go against blue for a kitchen colour! I dont blame her for taking the mickey out of that!
Keep me updated.
I was out straight from work last night as it was one of my friends birthday's, we had such a laugh.
I had a conversation with x yesterday and told him my feelings and he was adament that we will not stop seeing each other. He said he would be devestated!
My mum went to a clairvoyant yesterday - I had some tricky questions to answer as it all came up in her reading! I am going to go in a few weeks.
The wedding isn't that far away now and I know I should stop it - I willk try again!
Have a good day and speak soon
Hi im glad your still about, i was begining to worry. Its a long weekend ahead and im already looking at walls, ordered a couple of relationship books off amazon thought id have a read of through those, might help. They most likely wont turn up until next week though now. Yes i was a bit fed up that we couldnt get something sorted for this weekend, i was hoping to keep the momentum going, but it might help either way. its just incredably hard on me. Its funny that all my mates are busy and quiet, they are not much use to me at the moment i guess, but they have lives and funny marriages of there own.
The hospital visit went fine, k had a major heart operation when he was just 6 weeks old i think it was. Transpositional of the greater artery. Basically, they have to switch the position of two of your arteries to the heart cause you are born with them the wrong way around. out on the in, in on the out. 4 hour operation, but once done life should be normal.
He has done great ever since and is a normal 12/13 year old lad. Has to be careful with contact sports though and look after teeth. But they said he is doing great and now he is growing they are satisfied he will grow normally. Well done Birmingham City childrens Hospital. We have to get the train there from where we are but its only 20 minutes.
S's dad, S and his dad have an on off arrangement. His dad is currently living in Wales with his very soon to be new wife and their two year old daughter. He runs pubs, as he did when he was with H. H left when S was 7/8 months old, after she began to feel that she was on her own cause hubby was to busy drinking and running the pub they were in. She had enjoyed the lifestyle until S was born. S's dad was not interested in saving his marriage and they divorced within a year. He promised to pay maintainance but it only lasted a year before he started to become difficult. He would see S in that period at weekends. But it was monthly more than all the time. When i met H, she was living on her own in a nice rented house with S who was just turning 4. He didnt see his dad very often then at all, it was rare. He didnt really speak to him on the phone. Dont get me wrong though, S loves his Dad, but i think he knows he's a bit of a let down. After me and H had been together a year then S.s dad started to get regular time with S, every other weekend and thats still the arrangement, yet some weeks S just goes to his grandparents and spends it with them. They are in The same town as H is at the moment, 20 miles away. During the period i have been with H, her ex has messed about on the maintainance and i dont think she has had a penny off him for a year. Csa have been on it for about three years and they are useless, She has had short periods where she gets it for a few months, but then he will move jobs or change circumstances and all falls apart. I have always encouraged her to chase it, but she gets frustrated and says she can do without his money! But after whats happened to us now , i guess thats not strictly true. It most likely has played its part in all this. I think this weekend S is with dad from today and its wedding planning. Im guessing H will bring S back on Monday cause she is nearby in Wales at her mates and can get him on the way home.
On the contact thing im definately trying hard to stay quiet, nothing happened today, so i have done ok. I hope she is not forgetting me!
On the kitchen front, i think it will be a Natural Hessian, colour. We had talked about it earlier in the year and i think thats the sort of thing she was talking about. I like the idea too so ill give it a bash that colour, i can always do it again if i dont like it. Will make a start on it later on, clearing it all out and stuff. Will still find some time to check back on here though for my moral support!
Well at least you are trying to get a message through to your x what you want. He might well be devestated but so will his wife to be! Keep on being firm on what you want there.
Clairvoyants! Im not sure you know, i'll be honest and say i had a reading on line, just from my age name and birthday. It was free. She told me that i was going to have change at work and its going to happen in the next few weeks, plus my relationship would also have change and so on. It was uncanny but im guessing that most people that visit them are looking for answers to those sorts of questions. My job will change this year though and those decisions will start to get made next month, so i guess there is some truth in that. As for relationships well we both know that thats going to have to change somehow.
I never sent for the more detailed stuff cause i just see the word Con, in red lights in my head!
Right maybe catch up later. hope you are about
Hiya,
Dont get worried, I will always check on here - just had loads of people around me at work yesterday and i do not want them to know I am on here for obvious reasons!
Shame to hear about your mates. I was thinking the other day that I am the only single one now!! Although my work mates and I are planning a single's night out. I have been in my work for 13 years and so have a couple of really good friends that are there so it's a welcome relief. In fact they were also at my weeding and know what I have endured over the last 10 or so years! They understand where I am although I have not confessed to my 'other man'!
I am glad all wnt well with your son. I watched the Great Ormond Street programme about heart surgery and it made me cry! Although I am such a softies since having kids.
So you are in the Midalands then?! I am a southener!
Must have been a tough time for H and S's dad and so on - at least they are soting it out. My friend had a problem with the csa and they got her ex to pay - £11 per week - what an insult. She said she didn't want his money. Plus the fact he doesn't even bother with him. At least my kids have their dad. He is here nearly everyday!
How can she forget you - don't be too hard on yourself. Let her contact you - YOU CAN DO IT! If she does don't be heavy and get upset - not attractive!
Only problem is, it's not what I want with x! My dream would be he wpuld leave her because he wants me. We would set up home and so on - dreams eh?!!
I wouldn't trust online clairvoyants! At least it was free. It will be interesting if she said the same thing as my mum. A little more has come out about that. She told me today that this guy will get married but next year it will fail as he can't live a lie anymore! We'll see what she says to me. If he wants me he knows what he has to do - I would NEVER ask him to do that though.
Nice choice of paint by the way - that's the colour of my kitchen - spooky! It will look great.
Yes, catch up later.
Right i havent even begun on the kitchen yet, been trying to work out my new mobile, its a free upgrade, but a good one. As i get older i turn into my dad, cause the tech does my head in. Supposed to be able to get email on it but i cannot work it out.
Do you really think there is anything in these Clairvoyants? It was odd what came back but as i say they surely know that most people who fill in the forms are looking for that sort of information.
Yes no contact at all today, so thats good for me i guess! Yes in the midlands, sky blue city if you know your football. lady godiva might help.
Speak again later i hope ill check in at 6 ish
well i got the ceiling done, with music playing. But that just upset me, doh!
Sat down at 10.30. Will do some more tomorrow. Have you every tried to paint tiles? Never made any contacts today, but i never stopped thinking about H.
Morning,
So what phone have you got? I got my husband to load the email onto mine as I am rubbish with those kind of things!
Sorry no idea re football so that one is over my head! I support England! I will watch in the World Cup but I wouldn't watch league games out of choice!
Well done for doing the ceiling, you do find you listen to the words more in songs when you are sad. That Scouting for Girls one hits the mark with me and the moment!
No I haven't painted tiles although we looked into it. I think there is a special paint?? I normally pay someone to do it! I want my bedroom re decorated so may have to start will the sugar soad etc myself. I need my ceiling's re plastered upstairs too but my friend does that for a living so that's all good! I was looking a new bedding etc yesterday too, my first tax credits came through - that made me feel weird as I haven't had those in around 7 years!
You wont stop thinking about H - I always think about X. Like first things when you wake and last thing at night. That;s normal I guess.
What are your plans for today?
No real plans for this morning, cinema this afternoon.
Out tomorrow night for a friends birthday which I am really looking forward too. Was going to go out without my wedding rings on but if anyone saw, I would be in real trouble! I have only been wearing my band so I am not gossiped about on the school run! Us women notice things like that.
I will log back on this afternoon, till then - Have fun with those tiles!
I just missed you. Yes got ceiling done, feel a bit low this morning. Will start on the walls next, went for to colours in the end. The natural hessian and ivory. Still considering the tiles. I will need to get out at some stage this weekend cause i suppose im feeling a bit lonely.
What you watching at the cinema? Was it good. Oh yes my boks turned up so i'll hyave a quick look at those at some stage todayif the sun shines ill sit in the garden. The hints about sky blues went over your head, so ill say we got bombed in the blitz and they got our cathedral.
Here how your day went later.
Here is a quick one for you in case you pop in this morning, look up the word Limerance on the net. See what you find!
Well i've painted the walls and cleaned everything. I just need to do white wood work. But i feel strangely fed up. Guess im just longing to share my efforts. Hope that H is not forgeting me. I cannot seem to stop thinkng about her today. she went to wales this time last year. I was on the chair all weekend at home as i had ruptured my achilles tendon on the thursday. she has a single mum friend there and they have a laugh and catch up. i just keep thinking about the past, we had a lovely weekend in chester nearly a year ago as well. why oh why has this happened to us!
Morning!
Well you seem to be getting on well with your kitchen.
We went to see Hoe to Train Your Dragon - very good indeed especially as it's in 3D!
How have you got on with the books?
I googled Cathedrals bombed in the blitz and it said with Birmingham or Coventry - I will ask my friend later!
Googled Limerance! Did you get that from the books - how very true.
Look H wont be forgetting you - she just needs some time and space - YES!
The worst things is thinking about all the past times although it's the most natural thing to do. You will be okay, I have a feeling in my bones.
What are you up to today? The weather is awful here, raining cats and dogs!
Kids are going swimming with daddy so I have some time at home for myself - AKA housework!
Out tonight for a friends birthday although I am a little bit nervous as he is coming too. Last time we both went to the same placed he balled me out in front of everyone because I was talking to a gay guy! I always have a laugh when I go out and love talking to everyone. I may drive to keep on my guard and can go if he starts - not sure yet.
Tomorrow going to see some friends for lunch which will be nice.
Speak soon
Yes the Kitchen is nearly done, im feeling quite lonely at the moment, i keep slipping into thoughts that this could be me future if things dont chnge.
It was the later City of the two well done.
Limerence, yes i did get it from the book, very interesting and very true. The books have been interesting, might pass it on to H at some stage, i think she will learn a few things if she wants to read them. I think our problems stem from her insecurities and of course her strong love for S over anything else in the world.
weather is cold here i think, but not raining, i will paint the white woood work today and thats it done. Might have a clean of the house tomorrow, i think k is back tonight as he is here tomorrow.
Enjoy the evening later, i guess you mean your husband when you say him.
Speak soon
Well i've completed the kitchen, it looks tidy. The weather outside certainly fits my mood, its blowing and gloomy! It was really nice last year. having another bad day today, just longing to have My life back.
Cannot really concentrate on anything positive. just missing them so much.
Hiya, how are you today.
Sorry for not posting yesterday - had a slight internet problem!
Did you finish the kitchen then - are you pleased with it?
I have been looking at new bed sets as I want to decorate my bedroom and so on. I need some plastering done in there also though. May have to wait until June now.
Any news on H?
Well the party went off without a hitch with my husband being there and we spent most of yesterday together too - kids loved it which was good.
I think he expected to stay last night but that wasn't going to happen. He has told my dad he wants me back, but I absolutely know that I don't want to. If we can stay friends for the kids sake then that will be brilliant. Other than that, it's a no go aread.
Things materialised with X over the weekend which is going to make cooling it off/finishing so much harder - very sad now.
Speak soon
What happened with x then? You need to tell now!
Got the kitchen finished, just got to clean the floor of paint drips. We did our bedroom the other year, and changed all the bedding again at christmas so its quite tidy at the moment.
I couldnt get on here yesterday either, i thought it was me. but i think it was the site.
A friend came around yesterday with his partner, they knew about myself and h. They had coffee and listened to my story for a couple of hours, He was an internet date h had had before she met me, but the remained friends and of course i know him now. We do not see very much of each other, but he's been through splits just like me. They were really kind and have been very supportive in all this, just like you have. They are very surprised by it all.
Well the latest on H is this, i eventually cracked and got in touch on Monday afternoon, i text her to see if she was back from Wales ok. Then called her, we chatted about her trip and i asked what she had been up to. She was ok with me. I asked when she is is at the doctors next, top which she replied today. The reason being that i know that it will be a task for her to get to work and get s sorted everyday from where she is living and i wanted to see how she will cope. I asked if she had got any further with rentals and she said she had had a look at a couple but still needed to see what benefits she will be entitled to.
Finally i arranged to meet up and take her out Friday night, that was the earliest and most convienant for both of us, so thats good i think. Might be able to move it along a bit more in the bridge building stakes. Spoke through texts today at 3 ish asked her how doctors had gone and she is off for another month. So shes out of the woods again for a month on the job front.
So heres to friday, what do you think? Catch you again later i hope.
Hey you really have gone quiet. I hope you are ok.
Need your advice so you better turn up soon!
Hey sorry - I am changing back to BT so I haven't got internet for some reason. I have changed all the passwords! Oh well, am replying at work now.
Well I was getting text's from X all day Saturday and Sunday. I was just about to get ready to go out Sunday night when I got a text to day that he was worried how strongly he felt about me. I replied saying what?? Then he replied to say that he was with the wrong girl. To that I said he needs to get married and that we should cool down and let him concentrate on his marriage and that if we are meant to be then things will naturally take their course. The wedding is actually this weekend - not June as I previously said. He said yesterday, what would you say if I didn't go through with it as i wanted to be with you? I replied, that I would say OKAY!
It's all a bit of a mess at the moment and now I have my hisband sniffing round like some puppy dog as I slept with him - shouldn't I know and I only have myself to blame.
I am really in a pickle now and I want to go away and try and forget the wedding - I know I am out of order but I really do love him and he loves me!
Glad to know the kithcen is finished. My daughter wants new bedding so I'll sort her out first and them me! Things we do eh?!
At least you have had a chat with others to see what they think.
I am glad it didn't back fire when you contacted H and I am really pleased that you are seeing her on Friday night. Don't look too much into it and keep it really casual and don't get too heavy - promise!
So where are you going to go?
I really hope it works out for you and I can't wait for the update! If I don't reply after today I am not in work until Tuesday - I wont of abandoned you!
Wow thats ages, i hope i can get throught o Tuesday.
I was going to ask your advice on Friday and ask what i should talk about with her. But i guess im on my own if cannot get back to me. I thought i might need to try to see what she really thinks as far as our future goes, but maybe i should just go with the flow, like you said nothing heavy.
We talked briefly on the phone yesterday and i asked her about doctors and whaty he had said, also asked about rental position and her job. I think she realises that the job will be a problem and she needs to move somewhere nearer where she is living. So many problems! Dam it i wish i knew id be getting your advice.
You have got yourself in a pickle this week though eh! You say the wedding is this wekend, did you know that? What made you sleep with your husand? You have really got a mixed up state of mind. I hope you try to find the time to think hard about all thats happening to you. Seriously go on a walk on your own and try to make sence of it all. Think about what is the best thing to do and whats best for you and your family.
Whilst your doing that X will be getting ready to make his big decision, its all happening this weekend and i will not be able to chat with you until Tuesday. OMG.
We are going to go to a local indian restuarant where we like to go, hopefully it will be relaxing and quiet. Pray for me, and ill pray for you, i hope all turns out for the best for us. Be brave! be honest.
Get the internet working!
Hi again! Still at work at the mo.
I will be here again tomorrow as have loads on and can't log on from home. Apparently BT have messed my order up so will need to call when I get home. No internet still though!
You can get me on here until 2pm tomorrow as I need to leave for the school run. I wont be in till around 11 though as my car is in for a service!
Keep the conversation light and NOT HEAVY! OKAY?! At least you are going out which is good, I am really pleased for you.
Yes I am in a right pcikle and feel like shite to be honest. I told a good friend of mine (male) today and he said the same as you - WHY? I really don't know why I slept with him, it wasn't a good feeling and it wont be happening again. I need to have a talk with my husband to explain. He thinks given time we will be back together but I know we wont. I can't put the kids through it and I don't want it.
I have always known when the wedding was, just changed a few bits slightly on here just in case!
I will go a long walk - good advise as this weekend is going to be very hard and I can't get your advice - YIKES! The best thing for me is to be seperated and my kids happy with that. Anything else is a bonus.
I am seeing X in a bit so that's nice although I shouldn't I know.
I will pray for you, god give me strength for this weekend!
Catch up tomorrow.
Your situation is really mad, i wish you strength and good luck, im just hoping all goes well for you.
I just feel very worried that im being strung along for the sake of buying time, im all over the place.
Welcome to my world and it's all my own doing, I should really know better at my age.
I have thought a lot about this on my drive to work and you are right I need to let X go. A song came on the radio and it brought tears to my eyes when I was singing along (Robbie Williams) and that is just not like me, I am not a crying kind of girl! We still have to work together and he is only off for 1 week. This must be really confusing for him too. I just don't know what to think anymore if I am honest. Why is it you always want something you can't have.
I may go to that clairvoyant to see what she says to me!
Why do you feel as though you are being strung along - is it because of what I say about my husband? If it is, then I am sorry if I have made you feel this way. Just don't be too heavy tomorrow and if you are not comfortable with the way things are going, may be call an end to the evening. Don't look too much into it.
Hopefully when I log back on, you would have replied!
hello, im just home from work. The strung along theme? Well i guess its more the feelings i get that i know im the one doing the calling and texting, im the one who then hangs waiting for a reply. When she does contact me its just oh i was busy or i only just got the message.
I did eventually speak to her yesterday after she took an age to not reply, so when i spoke to S on facebook i asked if his mum was about and he confirmed she was, thus i knew he could tell her i was trying to contact her. She then straight away replied, I explained that it took me great courage to text her or call her from me side as i knew it might often annoy her, but i was just trying to keep the positive communication going and thats all. I just often feel stressed and over empathise the fact that it not a quick reply from her, or even one at all on some occassions and this then leads my mind to get dispondant. Vicious circle!
In a way i guess the situation with your husband and you is a sort of example, but thats not your fault. You have your reasons for fall out of love with your husband. He may not have been there for you for alot of your marriage. I feel though that i have been here for H for the entire relationship, through the rough and the smooth and i've never meant to let anybody down. I just want her to remember that and give me the credit i deserve. Im not claiming to be perfect here though, cause in the last few months as things have fell apart, maybe i havent made all the right decisions or on occassion maybe i have not been the help i should have been, or even understand enough. So i will share the responsibility, but will not take it all, i think that i will try to make H see that i couldnt have seen through walls on everything issue we have, and thus maybe her keeping things to herself have not helped us.
Which really brings us full circle to me trying to reopen a certain amount of chatting in the day, even if its a simple how are you today!
H still needs to share some of the responsibilty in this all and so far i have not really heard it come from her mouth, she nods in agreement when i some times in the past few weeks have pointed out these feelings, but she has not said yes maybe you are right!
On the whole im very nervous about tonight, and just pray that it will be a positive turning point for us both. The fact she is coming is a massive plus, the fact its at one of our favourite places is another, and that was her choice not mine.
Onto you now, Which Robbie track? My song is Michael Buble, Lost! That was our song long before this happened we love it! So that hits a spot for me. Am i a girl or what?
So i guess the wedding is tomorrow, and then its honeymoon. My opinion is that if he goes through with his wedding then it was never meant to be and you should get over him, let him be Married and put it down to experience. Although not a very nice one! LIMERENCE! As i have said before, you must concentrate on your own family and the problems that face you there. Sort out your husband and explain that you no longer see the future with him. Make the split! It hurts like hell cause i would rather be telling you to sort it out with him and live happily ever after. I really would! But its up to your Husband to be a man, with honour and so on! Can he change? Could he be whatever it is you long for? Remember he was once!
Clairvoyants? Get there and see what she says, but do it sooner than later. I dont know cause i've never seen one so do not really know what to make of it. But i think i'd give it a go if i thought it might help.
Right hopefully will catch up soon before you go home. be strong
Hi i hope your ok.
Hiya,
In an word - NO!
How are you? How did Friday go?
I'll reply more a little later as just quickly logged on from work and very busy!
Right here I go.
We met in a hotel on Thursday night - I know it's wrong - and did more than talking if you know what I mean.
When I dropped him off I started crying because I know that should be the end of this.
Friday, I was in work for most of the time between shcool run and was really busy so that was good. But Friday night was a complete disaster. I just kept on crying all of the time and it was awful.
X called me but we weren't on the phone long as I just couldn't talk to him. Then we were texting and he said he understood why I was funny on the phone. He called me again at Midnight and I was sounding more like me then. He told me he loved me and told me to tell him I loved him, which I did.
All day on the Wedding Day I was in a complete state (on my own) and put a very brave face on when required.
I have just spoken to a colleague who went and they said all went well and X was very happy - that answers the question then.
I have confessed all to my mum as she knew something was up, she is okay with it and wants me back on track. She said the same as you, if he wants you then he shouldn't get married. I explained that when the affair started it was me that said at every given opportunity would say that I wouldn't leave my husband and he would get married. Ebery conversation we had that got heavy, I was the one that said get married and you never know what will happen after. I am now gutted that I didin't say anything.
This is really breaking my heart, I haven't felt like this in years as I always have a wall up when my husband starts on me. X has got me completely and he can't be mine. I am just so sad and people are noticing at work and I can't tell them for obvious reasons.
Only the week before he was saying that he was with the wrong girl - what did I say - you must get married!
I keep checking my phone, I don't know why, I suppose when you get numerous texts through the day as well as phone calls and emails, it becomes a habit to check.
I really don't know where to go. I feel like I am grieving for him.
I just don't know what to do now.
So hard as I really do love him.
Anyway, how are you?
It might help you that your mum now knows, its going to be tough, we always knew it would be. You must as i've said all along, look after yourself in this, you must now realise that he is not for you. Not if he has gone ahead and got married!
Move on! I know that is easily said and not done!
As for me, well we had a chat Friday before we went out, and made a few more points on why we are where we are. We then went and had a nice meal and a nice evening on normal conversation. she came back for coffee and left just after 12.00 am. It was nice, saw her again on Saturday for an hour and she saw K and they said hello, so that broke the ice between them.
Since then we have kept in touch with a few texts and calls, one lasting half an hour last night. In a moment im off for a shower as we are out for tea, and S is coming. Its going slowly but ok so far. We said we would go out this Saturday shopping or somewhere, so i think she's coming around to me slowly. Will leave a late message on here if i get chance tonight to see how you are.
Lots of problems and stuff for us both to face in the next few weeks but we will survive. Be strong.
It does, she has been a great help actually. She told me more of what this clairvoyant said. Apparently our time is not right and he needs to go through with the wedding. It wont last and he will leave her for me! Can you really go on that though? I have a reading with her on Monday.
Moving on is easier said than done and I really don't want too.
I am glad you and H seem to be heading on the right track - good on you!
Catch up tomorrow.
You really must keep moving, what if his marriage is a good one? Its a mess, look back to your first post on this thread, remember how you said you knew it was wrong. I hope you start to get sence of it all soon, try to remain positive. But in my opinion as a man, i think that if he has gone through with his wedding then he is not a very honest guy. Do you really want to move from one failed marriage into a relationship built on that?
We had a good evening tonight, its going to be very hard. We will see each other saturday next and i offered her the chance to come over friday, but thats only a maybe. But we are getting close, with big hugs and the odd kiss. Talked about normal stuff again, but i did what she will do about S when she needs to go back to work. But she just said she hasnt really thought too much about that yet. Its going to be a problem for her sooner than later cause of her hours of work and the travel to and from it. She will not really be able to do it. But thats a problem for her to think about really.
But on the whole its been a good few days and ever so slowly i think that we might be able to get something sorted which will give us a future. Its going to take time.
Its sad to watch them leave again though, at the end of the night.
speak tomorrow.
I know you are right and if I was reading this as an outsider I would be exactly the same. When you are on the inside it's a completely different story.
When you have affairs, you are not honest. I wouldn't be honest to my husband about what I have been doing in a milion years. I kept getting caught out with things in the beginning but managed to think on my feet and get out of the situation. You learn to lie and get around things and become exceptionally selfish. When there is a window to see each other, it's amazing what you can come up with to see that person. Trust me, I know. We have got away with loads of things just to see each other, even if it's only half an hour. I have driven back up the motorway just to see him and vice versa.
I am writing a diary on my work laptop and I sound like a right nutter but it actually helps me, self therapy!
The post today is I have to let him go and that it is over. I have a possible 5 days before I speak to him. He is back at work on Monday, although I am not in. I will not call or text unless he does and then I suppose I will tell him for the last time that we are over. I really don't want it to be but I have too.
This will be the longest period of time we haven't been in contact and when we haven't text for a day he always says he misses me and wishes he was with me.
I am glad you are going in the right direction with H, all seems really positive for you and I am really pleased for you. Is she going to stay where she is living? As you say getting S to school and her to work is down to her, let her make the arrangements.
Bye for now
Not got as far as where we are going to be, if you know what i mean? Its going to be a very long process. but at least we are talking and starting to trust a bit.
She phoned me this morning at about 8.30 and was in a panic as S was playing up, and was telling her how great i was and how shit she was. i said put him on phone. He was just crying so couldnt get any sence out of him. She then text to say she shouldnt have called me with it. i replied with a text telling her to show s and it just said do ask you are told for your mum and ill see you soon. I called her later on after 9.30 and she had calmed down and S was in school. I just said that he was just trying it on as he had enjoyed the previous day and when he started to play up he just knew that saying things like that would hurt his mum. But i guess he most likely is a bit confused with it all. He really does respect and love me a bit, i've always said that. His mum was the one who decided that they needed to move. So its a moral victory for me i guess and might open H's eyes a bit more.
Stay strong on your issues is all i can say really, i've nagged you loads already.
Hows your internet problem?
That will come in time - don't push her!
It's a good sign that she called you to ask for help, her guard is coming down then, all very positive. See patience!
I know you have nagged me loads! I have changed my trail of thoughts yet again today and realise that I actually need to sort myself out and give myself a good sharp kick up the backside. Stop feeling sorry for myself and just get the hell on with it. There is nothing else that I can do.
I have just been re reading the texts that I have saved and nearly deleted them. maybe I can do that in the next few days - one step at a time. As i re read them the feeling of dread came over me, although I am not letting it upset me.
Next week I will wish them well and hope that they are happy with each other and walk away from it. I will build my strength up over the next few days for that and all systems go.
I haven't spoken with the person who is covering his work so the calls in my working day will diminish as we make excuses to call - as you do!
I haven't phone BT yet as I couldn't be arsed! Will do it tonight.
ok well good luck with the detox.
But you know whats best for you really.
Yes patience seems to be helping, she said she will call me tonight after he s is in bed, so thats a massive comfort every evening for me. I think that seeing me care about s and him for me will only help all of us in the long run. K is back with me today, he asked how things are going so he is showing an interest even if its a small one.
Speak tomorrow
Morning,
Bad news, I wont have the internet at home until next week - yikes! hen BT were transferring my account from Talk Talk they cancelled the broadband bit. I can look on my phone but can't reply. I may go round with my work laptop to a friends and see what I can do!
I have had a big bit of retail therapy! Got my daughter the duvet set that she wanted and whilst I was on the site I got myself a new quilt, duvet set and curtains. Oh well, never mind! I want to redecorate my bedroom and my friend has just found a plasterer who is really cheap. Need to get him round to take down the awful coving and flatten the ceiling in the main room and ensuite. I was thinking of getting a new bed but one step at a time!
Felt okay going home and have got used to not having a call from X now. I have stopped looking at my phone for texts and when my friends text I am not disappointed that it's not him. Maybe my phone bill will be it's contracted amount this month - always paying over as only have 500 texts and normally use 1000+!
I went to Pilates last night and was feeling okay until we did this one move which essentially started this whole affair off. Last year, when I did the move I told him on an email and that started where we are now. When we had relaxing time, I started crying! I am so not like this.
Maybe after years of protecting myself from the hurt that my husband caused, I am finally letting my wall down as we have seperated? I really don't know. How long do you feel like shit for before you start getting over yourself and feeling like you again? I keep thinking that there is someone for me out there, I am slim, young(ish), fun, happy (most of the time), caring, loving and will do anything to help you out. I am not worried about being on my own as I have great kids and wonderful friends.
I think I will feel better once I have heard from him on Monday, if not Tueday. Once he tells me he is really happy and glad he is married and that we are over, it will be easier! But what if he says the opposite?!
My mum and I had an argument about it this morning, I ended up telling her to piss off which wasn't very nice. I found myself sticking up for him saying that in all of this, I was the one who said that noone would be leaving their partners, he must get married. He was showing signs and telling me that I was the one he should be with, we just click in everyway. And I was saying that he has to get married and so on. Should I have asked him to choose? I wouldn't be in a worse off state really would I?
So did she call you last night after S went to bed? Don't use your relationship to much with S to get back with H as she may think you are manipulating her. I know you have the paternal bond with him but just be careful. Us women think differently! He is her baby after all and no one comes before that bond.
My kids are first in my life and always will be. I am lucky to have a favourite boy and a favourite girl!
Have a good day, I'll check on here later.
Yes i understand the relationship bond thing, i guess that S just knows how to play the game when it comes to manipulation. He is mummys boy even though he choose to have a dig at her. But i guess he is a little confused by the whole thing if he's not being told the full story and honest story of why she choose to leave. Yet now we are talking and spending a little time together.
Yes she did phone and we talked rubbish about what we had both done in the day for twenty minutes, but its just nice to hear her voice. Just called her now to see if she was taking S cubs and if so to drop in for a drink, but she said that they might not be going cubs but not to worry. Calling her later again at 9.30
Its all very stressful still though cause behind the scenes all the problems of her future are still there. Her job, Health and money situation. All taboo still. At the moment i feel like a prisoner who is being allowed visitors and phone calls, to a loved one. Being careful what i say and how i am. I wait for my next contact longingly.
You had a fall out with your mum. Oh dear, but i guess she is worried about you. Of course he should have made a choice, but then maybe he did!
Look im not saying it again, and i cannot hear you telling me to piss off! lol You must move on, with your own life. You will feel shit for as long as you are not in control of your own destiny. thats how it works, you are placing your future on other people actions as i am. Its hard to be happy when you are uncertain.
Check back in a bit
It must be a confusing time for S. My son asks some weird questions at random times. He asked if he would have a stepmother soon! I said not soon but maybe in the future. He wasn't best pleased at that!
I hope that the call goes well at 9.30 for you.
Again, you just need to give her the space to deal with the problems, they are hers and not yours. It will all come out in the end.
Not so much as a fall out with my mum, she hasn't taken it to heart. She just wants me to be happy.
Well have a lovely weekend and I'll try and get on here on Monday, if not Tuesday.
Thinking of you
Ok ill try to have a good one
Hey its sunday evening and its been a strange weekend. Friday was just a long lonely evening and i got a bit nervous about Saturdays day out with h. So it was bed early i guess and a restless nights sleep.
Saturday arrived and H turned up at 11.00. we had a drink before we set off and i told H about how nervous i feel when she comes around, how im uncertain and just want her to feel at home in what i keep telling her, is her home. I think she really stuggles with that idea. Its odd because we have spent so much time decorating to her tastes and discussing how we might change things in the future. She has never really settled but maybe its because she doesnt feel she contributes. But her job has never allowed that to happen, which is why we have never really considered seriously moving house. But i guess if it meant us being together i would do it.
Well in the end we left that subject and had our day out, we had a completely normal couples day out in Merry hill shopping centre. it was great. we looked everywhere and had lunch and coffee. we brought a few clothes for s from primark and k's birthdaty card. We were there 5 hours. on the way home we went and had our tea at a nice place on the way. We got home and listened to music and had a little cuddle.
She left for her parents at ten thirty, i got upset then. I just feel so alone when she goes. i think she was a little sad to have to go also. She said she would try to come around on thursday when s is at cubs. But its just the time in between thats hurting me. I hope we can sort this all out! We so desperately love each other but so much has got between us!
So i text her when she got in and said thanks and she thanked me back. I text her good morning this morning and said i might call her later so i might call at 9.45 to say good night.
But its just been so tough, after yesterday today has been another drag, my ipod has broken to add insult and i dont know why. I wouldnt wish this sort of life on my enemies!
so its back to work tomorrow, and the long wait until our next meet up. I will not have the chance to see her much next weekend as she and s are going camping. So nothing much arranged now, so its absence makes the heart and all that. Maybe our nice day of closeness yesterday will help to change the outlook. I just think the school and s situation will cause us complications.
There you have it, i hope you have survived the weekend ok.
Morning,
Still no internet at home, it's starting to really annoy me now.
How long has H lived with you then? Did you live in this house with your ex wife? I think she just needs time and maybe lay off the coming home talk until she is ready as she may feel pressured - I don't want to upset you but sometimes it's nice to spend time together without all the heavy stuff. I know when my husband started I would just go not again! It sounds as though you will get there though and as I always say just be patient!
Just think of the inbetween time as time to start all the cracks repairing themselves and when she is ready then you can start as you mean to go on. At least she hasn't told you to naff off and all this is slow but sure.
My nano broke and I have no idea why - yes very frustrating.
You should go out with the guys and have a laugh, let your hair down a bit. I am out tonight with a friend and we haven't seen each other for ages, really looking forward to it. I have a clothes party at home tomorrow and then out on Friday for works drinks. All go this week!
I survived the weekend okay as i thought sod it, on my own and so be it! Then on Saturday night I get a text which bascially said that he was home and that he missed me and thought about me a lot. Then nothing on Sunday.
Yesterday he called me at 7.30 and we had a nice chat and I said I hope all went well and he wouldn't talk about it. Then I got a text saying do I feel different to which I replied yes and no.
In short I am back to where I am! I know you are having a go at me!
Went to the clairvoyant yesterday who was so on the mark it was really scary.
Got to do some work, catch up later
What did clairvoyant say? please try to stay on the im on my own track cause thats really where you need to be. Sad but true!
He is now married!
The ipod sorted itself out in the end, just ran out of battery and rebooted when i then tried to charge it. So just like my life really.
H moved in here in Aug 04 when my divorce was sorted, my wife left in the Jan 03 after a marriage of 9 years we had lived here since 93. since H moved here we have decorated the house from top to bottom, but i guess as i pay mortgage she still doesnt feel in on it. but she has never been in a position to really contribute cause of her job situation. To be honest i was happy with the arrangement in the begining cause it gave me security in case things went wrong, but also it gave H a no pressure life, with no bills except her car loan plus her contribution to the food shopping, which can be expensive between all four of us.
We have on occassion talked about where we could change the house to improve it, and even the prospect of moving, but the cons out way the pro's in all honesty. S and K schools are a walk up the road, its a nice area. money wise we wouldnt be able to improve ourselves. i thought she had accepted that as i do. But i think she thinks i hold on to that opinion cause i was proud id hung onto it when i divorced and gave K a home to be proud of and was not left ruined by my ex. that was how i felt 5 years ago and K loves it here too. But if i knew she was so unhappy for the right reasons and she felt it was better if we found a suitable new home and it was sensible i would of course consider it.
Bottom line, we did have the chats in the past and agreed i thought that it was just not really possible. Although i also knew she struggled to be cooped up with three lads in the winter months. Do you understand what i mean?
its like the arguement issue, we always argue over kids, she still claims. I say i dont agree, we argue with our kids like every parent in the street. We are not any different, but as an only child she may never have experienced the lifestyle. kids will fall out, they will play off there parents and step parents, Where ever they live!
I have not once told H i think she should come home, although i would love that. her problem is wanting to come, i think that S and his new school is now a problem for her and S. I think her job and needing to get to it will become a problem when she returns to work in the near future. But its her problem, we have not talked about that yet really other than my comment that it will be a difficult ask. The job is reasonably paid and she needs it for her debts and income for rental and living. So its a catch 22. She has not talked about any potential new jobs lined up so again its another dilema, and we havent really gone into detail.
Any rental will cost her and she will only recieve beneifits based on her income so i cannot see her getting loads from the government. So again its her dilema.
Im here for her but i see it being difficult for her in the next few weeks, massive decisions on jobs, rental homes are in the end going to have to be made.
Where that takes her is for her to decide, but she needs to be realistic and honest. I really dont know how to think on it all, im just trying to get her to believe in me again and that might help her decisions, although difficult for her, she might have to accept humble pie.
i think its right to say that time is the key. she really has got alot of things to deal with still. At least im in the frame now, although its frustratingly slow and lonely at times. i so want to have normal again.
Might see her and S thursday evening said i would do a barbie for tea. But we talk every night now at 9.30 ish which is nice
So thats the latest.
Hiya,
Well I am completely off track again, sorry!
The clairvoyant was really good. Decribed my husband down to a tea and that I need to keep on my guard etc.
Then she said there is also someone else that you have a great love for and who loves you deeply and is genuine. She said May was significant but couldn't put her finger on it. (wedding). Sh said this man is my soulmate and I have never been like this at all. He will be mine but it wont start to happen until November. I have got to keep as I am and he will come to me! Basically she told me what she told my mum. My mum came with me and but stayed in the car out of sight.
After the reading I said about the wedding and she said that he was rail roaded into it and that he din't want to to it. His heart is with me but he is trying to do the right thing by his wife but he wont be able too.
I am going to have some fun with a man in uniform in the meantime, fun only as my heart isn't in it! All a little close to the mark really!
So maybe that's the problem then, can't she contribute at all then to the running of the house? I can understand the food bill as sometimes you pop into the supermarket for a few things and end up spending a fortune. Your area sounds like where I live and really if you can't improve why put on the mortage etc when really the house you have is perfect?
I do understand where you are coming from.
I agree that you can argue over the kids. My husband and I don't really but I supose as they are our children we have no need too and they are younger than yours. Whoever they live with they need to be told off and so on when they are out of order. I was brought up with my stepdad and whatever he said I would do!
At the end of the day why are you trying to get her to believe in you? from what you have said you are always open and there for her, so don't beat yourself up. You are doing nothing wrong.
Are you still seeing her tonight? Nice weather (here) for a BBQ.
Yes time is the key, hard I know but you are getting there slowly but surely. I have a good vibe about this.
Patience is a virtue as they say! Although it's a right pain in the arse!
Bad news from BT, they still haven't ordered by broadband. Phoned last night and bascially spat my dummy out so hopefully it will be back on next week.
Speak soon
Yes we had a nice time together tonight with a BBQ. S and K played ok together and all went well. H is just on edge a little with me still, but i told her that i wont hurt her! I guess she has alot on her mind, with all thats happened. When it was time to leaveS asked if they could come back tomorrow, i guess he is missing the company and had fun playing football with K and Me before they left.
Told him to see what his mum said. H has felt a bit poorly and tired in the last couple of days and her throat is a bit soar, so thats slowed her down a bit.
Its K's 13th birthday sunday, so i think it will be a busy weekend, hope the weather holds.
interersting stuff from the clairvoyant. Only time will tell once again.
Have you been in contact with X? You never mentioned him?
Speak soon
Hello! Not having the internet at home is really doing my head in!
Hope you are well. What did you get up tpo over the weekend?
Glad you had a noce time with the BBQ and that the kids were okay. How is H? I hope she is feeling better. Any more developments with you there?
Hope K had a nice birthday - wow a teenager!
I have been a complete nightmare. Have found out that I have an admirer (actaully is the man in uniform - that clairvoyant was good)! and actually I have always quite liked him. He wants to take me out but I said I would like to but it's all a little too soon with my break up and I would have to keep it quiet. He is really nice and is texting me a bit. I don't know, maybe a meal or drink in secret may occur - you never know. I was also asked for my number on Saturday night, I said no though!
I saw X yesterday and nothing much was said. I think it may be naturally coming to an end which is fine - I bet you are shocked at that! If I get asked out and feel I want to go out it's not fair on me or X.
I am in a bit of a pickle again I think!
Help!
You certainly do fall from one problem to another. At least x is cooling a bit which might help you get sorted in your mind. Try not to fall into another problem relationship though.
The weekend was interesting and up and down. Friday K was here and the weather was nice so time was spent chilling in the garden and watching tv. Never saw H but spoke on the phone for a bit. Its still painfully slow to get her to open up. Saturday brought a long day in the garden, i had asked H if she fancied doing somnething with the lads but she said she was staying in to do a school project with s.
But they did come over in the evening and we spent that time in the garden chatting, i thought it was time to press her a little on her plans cause we are fine on small talk. We just need to slowly get an understanding of trust going between us i think. She is holding back on emotion and although she will kiss me and give hugs i feel she is still uncomfortable. I asked her whether she felt ok and what she see's as her next step. She was not really happy to be asked such tough questions as she knows that the answers are not really what she believes i want to hear. I explained that i felt she would have to live or die by the sword and start to make some decisions cause its obviously on her mind. She did say that she felt stuck between a rock and a hard place, cause she knew i might not agree with her plans. I explained that things had already happened to that effect, but i was still here, as was she. I just think its time that the truth returned to our relationship and we were completely open. So when she makes a decision i get included and informed. I think she just cannot get her head around how things could work. I just said i never gave up on her or wanted to be where we are today. Eventually she cracked and cried for the first time since we started contact again. I told her i understood how difficult it must be for her to try to begin to get her head around all HER problems, but i was there for her as she knows. I said i know its going to be difficult and we must be prepared to give and take more.
That chat was usefull although it has not solved all, it has broken the ice a bit more i guess and hopefully she will trust in herself and then me more to share her issues.
Believe it or not after that tricky conversation S and her stayed over that night. S in his old room, H with me, no funny business but a little cuddle. It was very brave of her i think, but another good step.
Sunday morning K's birthday we all had breakfast and me and H chatted again in garden about just stuff. I asked if she fancies a few days away next week half term. S is at his dads as he is getting married. K is at mums until Wed, so we have a chance to spend time together if she likes. She could not commit to anthing for definate cause her mate has asked her to help do some tidying up in her house. But i think Sunday or Early in the week we could do something. Need to follow up with her on the idea.
So far this week just had a brief chat last night cause i was in work for a meeting last night till late. So on the whole we are talking and slowly she is opening up to me, but its frustrating and can be lonely still this end. Still not asking me over her way at all, but i guess she is still keeping her family in friends in the dark about her life.
What do you think then to all that. oh yes my new mobile broke today, useless!
sent her a text just now, and guess what? I got a reply within a few minutess. Progress!
Speak soon, and get broad band sorted
I told you I was a nightmare!
X isn't cooling it with me, it's the otherway around. I know we will never be together, that is quite clear. On the other hand if, in the future, I was to start seeing someone it wouldn't be fair on that person or X. I also need to contend with my husband! I have now taken my wedding ring off - I stopped wearing my engagement and eternity rings a while ago. Feels very strange, but I don't see the point in wearing it.
He's being funny with me now too - what is going on?
Then last night X was texting me along with the other guy that likes me and I like him but can't. A real mess to say the least! Now my friends are trying to match make me with this other guy and its all getting rather confusing. I did try and tell X about it but couldn't - although he has no hold over me!
I sound like a right mad women. I know I need to take a step back and just be on my own! I have NEVER been like this before and I should really know better. I am worrying about the holiday now as it needs to be paid for in the next couple of weeks. I can put a brave face on for my kids but 10 days with my ex husband is a long time especially as he wants me back. I think we need to have a chat about it.
I was a bitch to him last night too. I went out on Saturday quite last minute and my parents had the kids for me. He said last night that I should have asked him first and that he will always come round and look after them if I want to go out. That's great but I said I didn't really want that as I would be coming home and he would be there! The reason being is that I know he will try it on as I have had a couple of drinks! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let H feels more comfortable for a while before you start asking more from her. I know it's frustrating but it has been working. Keep the tougher questions at bay for a while. She is obvously still in her shell where she feels safe and it sounds like it will take a while for her to emerge from there and feel as though she can talk freely. I suppose the tears were a release. She knows you are there for her, but she needs to work out things in her own mind. She may be worrying about saying the wrong things and feels as though she can't open up yet - I am sure she will but in her own time.
That's good that they stayed. Don't push her on the sex side as that will take her back again. If she wants to you'll know. Don't take it as a rejection. A cuddle is a pwerful thing as well.
I think slowly you are making progress but you need to do things to take your mind off it as otherwise you'll start resenting her. So it's been roughly a month then and look where you are now compared to where you were and how she is. It's so obvious that you are madly in love with her - good things come to those who wait - eh?!!
You haven't had the phone long - doh!
Good she resonded to your text straight away.
I will be making another call tonight if I don't have a letter from them when I get it.
It's just so annoying as I can't even do any work from home.
Take care, speak soon
You are indeed a mad women as you well know! If we look back to your original post on here, you will remember you answered your own question about what was right and wrong with your situation. I get the feeling that you do need to take a step back from your life, definately!
Far to many men getting envolved in your life, Do you really need a man at the moment? No not really i say.
You have a husband sitting on hold, a newly wed gagging, plus an admirer or two.
But what you do not have is a stable life for you or your kids. Deal with the issues and stop adding to them. The holiday with the husband as you well know will be very hard if you all go. But then your husband still isnt sure about what you feel i guess. Mr X may be getting the message which is good, but i bet he comes creeping back so beware!
The other guys just need to be told thanks but no thanks! Please try to deal with the current stuff before adding to it.
H is coming here for a coffee in a bit so thats nice, i understand your point about trying to move slowly, but its seems alittle one sided from me sometimes and i just feel that H needs to open up and start to deal with her problems and i just want to help her with that. She even said last night in our nightly phonecall, that she feels like she is in limbo and its tough.
I had wanted to go somewhere for a couple of days and thought it would be a good opportunity to cross another bridge or two, but she wasnt up for it, which i told her i understood. But im just trying to carefully move things along i guess. just though the break would be nice and get us out of our normal enviourment. But not to worry.
She has chatted with me about jobs and her health and even a little about the rental thing, but she has nothing definate on any of those things, nothing resolved. I just tread carefully and remind her that she has a home here if its required and that could take those problems away, with alittle or a lot of work and effort from both of us. But today i will try to let her find the subjects to chat about, i'll leave those subjects again for now.
As for Sex, well i cannot remember it really, but yes i know what you mean on that, its a long road to eden. So just her being in our bed was nice, and i told her i thought she was brave and it would be ok. when my wife left me and returned in 99 she was gone 6 months, we kept in contact cause of the then 3 year old K, i wanted her back and in the end she returned and life resumed, i remember the Sex issue then. She had had an affair so all that needed to be slowly dealt with, we slowly chatted about what had happened and why, which then lead to our love life slowly returning. I remember vividly how much it meant to me when we made love for the first time again, my heart raced and it felt wonderful. I cried after, that moment has never left me, we felt so close at that moment. We may never ever got to that height of emotion again in our time together but that moment was worth alot
Hopefully the more we talk and get her issues resolved the better our chances will be. But like you said its at her pace! we have indeed made progress over the month although painfully slow. But its all good!
So good luck with stuff and update tomorrow.
Quick update, H came for coffe and stopped for an hour and a half, just chatted. Still tough to watch her go.
You are absolutely right, I need to take a massive step back and sort myself out!
No I don't need a man in my life, I have been looking forward to spending quality time with my 2 kids (although we do already) and catching up with friends, which I have been doing. I don't need to have a man in my life at all.
I do have a stable life for my kids though. They are first and their routine has only changed slightly. They are first and foremost in my life and I will not jepordise their happiness. We are a happy unit of 3 at home and we do all the things together that we did before. Their daddy takes them swimming on a Sunday and I didn't usually go anyway as I have a horse and used that time down the stables. He has been taking them to indoor play centres. I am the one who does all the party run and so on. I assure you my actions WILL NOT affect my children. I would rather go without any fun and social life, to keep them happy and secure. They are well loved and told they are loved all of the time - I am rather soppy like that and they know it.
I have been a bit ratty with my husband at the moment as I need to have the chat about the holiday. I know it will be a nightmare but I need to go through with it as the kids are so excited. My mum and dad are also coming so I have them there. I will be okay as long as he doesn't start.
It will be one sided with you and H, but how long you can deal with that? Not sure, it's a tough one I suppose. I have been on the other side when my husband and I spolit before and it's not nice playing the waiting game. It's almost like you wait and wait and then when you finally feel you should throw in the towel, things change.
I can understand why she doesn't want to go away for a few days. She isn't feeling strong enough and may panic. At least when she visits it's up to her when she goes. I know it's hard but don't push her.
Did you let her talk about what she wanted too last night then?
You have been there and done that with the sex side with your ex wife, although I would have thought that was harder to break mentally as she had been with someone else.
Life's a right bicth eh?
Have a good day and I'll log on before I get home. Still no letter from BT, will be on the phone tonight!
The Sex life was a tricky thing to over come with my ex wife yes, but when it happened it was good as i explained. But it took alot of bravery and effort from us both.
With H im finding the pace very slow, there is a lack of commitment to things from her. I did explain today in a call at 4.00 that im struggling to know when to ask some things and yet i have to to keep things moving forward, thus i have to ask or suggest stuff, like the idea of the weekend away. Im just trying hard to cross bridges.But she is determined to be draggged. I just feel isolated and that hurts, she then says she feels pushed, i just said its about trust and honesty and thats all i expect, i dont want to rush her, but i need her to be honest and to give me some commitment. which she does but its about the pace we are both moving, its in the right direction but at a slow rate, which i feel doesnt help her or me.
i dropped the subject with her and said i'd call later, i wont mention it again, its been said and i think its best that i did raise it with her. I think it helps to slowly chip away with these difficult subjects and problems.
Called H at 9.00 and she was fine with me, we had a brief chat for ten minutes and just told her about my plans for tomorrow. And what shes been up to. So all is well. We have come along way in a month i guess!
I do hope you can get your holiday sorted, is it this country you are going? Do your parents know the situation?
Im on holiday now for a week so might catch you at work a few times with a few posts.
Been out for the afternoon and evening with H, it was nice.
Hiya, back online!
At the end of the day she appears not to know what she actually wants and she needs to work this out for herself without the added pressures from all around. The fact that she is still meeting up with you is very positive, but as you say it's really slow. Maybe suggest not seeing each other to see if that helps her make hre mind up. You have to ask yourself why it's you always asking her etc. Does she not say things that reassure you? Being one sided will lead to arguments and resentment I think, well it does in my experience.
We are going to Fuerteventura on a kids friendly holiday as mine are younger than K and S. My parents know all about it as we are very close and I tell them most things. Mum knows all about X although my dad doesn't as he wouldn't approve, I don't blame him. Mum and I are more like best friends anyway. I don't know what I would do without my parents, thay are my rock. They are so supportive and I strive to be like them when I am older.
They love the kids and my dad always wants them over for a sleep over and him and my son talk for hours about all different things. I did that too when I was a kid! Love and hugs all round me and my children.
Who instigated last night then? I am glad you had a nice time.
Have a good week and I'll look out for anymore posts.
Take care x
Is she still looking for rented property etc?
I was in the garden yesterday lunch time, just reading the paper, i sent a text to just say hello. Which noware days are fine, as she replies. I knew she was supposed to be picking up her mate from a coachtrip school holiday so we both thought that she would be too busy to do anything yesterday. But when she replied, she had been and done that so she was free. She asked what i was doing and hinted at coming over for an hour.
Well she came over and we had a drink in the garden, then off we went to a couple of garden centres and then a local hobby craft, It was then seven oclock so we went on to our favourite indian. A coffee back here then she went home at 9.30. A long hour!
We chatted about her ex husbands wedding and then we talked about why she felt the need to leave him again. It was fine. We kept away from us, dont know about the rental prperty, she hasnt said anymore on it. She seems very keen on the idea of getting into making crafts of some sort, she is good at that sort of thing but has never had time on her hands to do it. I guess at the moment she has plenty so she sees it as an opportunity as a career change. But she would need support i guess to achieve that dream. But we looked around the garden centres for bits and bobs. I guess she is a bit of a dreamer, but why not give it ago if she applies herself, who knows.
So it was a nice evening, will text her later see how she is getting on today, she was going to shop with her mum. then have a go at the crafts thing. I have no plans other than maight watch a few episodes of LOST, i must get to the end of all that i've watched it from the begining.
Hopefully H will make some more definate plans with me for tomorrow and next week, although the kids will be back by tuesday, but thats ok they can be included.
So the Holiday is in the canaries, its nice down there. Hope it goes well when it comes, How will you manage to spend that long with your hubby if you are trying to cool off a marriage? I thought i had problems?
I'll be around later so ill look out for more.
Wil she send you a random text though? I am gald things are getting easier for you and you are much better than a while ago.
Get her to have a look on stallfinder.com, she can search for craft fairs in your area and she may get some other ideas and then sell some. I have been to laods of these as I have my own little business too. Although it's rather on the back burner at the mo.
I haven't got into Lost. Isn't this the end series now?
My evening will consist of watching Britains Got Talent with my son and then he can stay up until I go to bed. I'll have a few hours on my own tomorrow as they will go swimming in the morning.
I am out tomorrow night with friends which I am really looking forward too. My friend is recently single too. Not that my marriage break up is a problem re my friends. I have always maintained my friends and we go out regularly.
Yes the holiday is in the Canaries, I am looking forward to it. It has to be paid and he said he'll pay for it now. I have half so we are going to split it down the middle - fairest way. On my part the marriage is over and I think he knows it. We were talking about when he moves into his own place and what we will do re the household bills at home. From that he must know that it's over on my part. He has said to my dad that he realises how badly he has treated me. I know I am a hyporcrite as I am having/had an affair. It's the kids I am thinking off and they want time with both of us. If it's crao I wont do it again.
X called me the way back from a night out and said he wished he had never met me! Charming I said! With that he went on to say and he really wished he was in a relationship with me! To that I replied that he got married and it's his own fault! Haven't heard from my man in uniform as he is on shift, we have decided to stay friends so that's good.
Just need to sort X out though! Yikes I thought I had made it clear but he wont have it!
Right old mess of my own making.
Mum and I were talking about it and she said if the man in uniform does ask me out then I should go, She thinks he is a bit of alright too! She told me that I was a lucky cow!
Speak later
Have not heard anything from H, im getting a bit bored on my own now, thats when i get lonely and begin to worry about the future. I guess i need to find something to do but i go out on my own and just dont no what to look at or do with myself. Just end up coming home.
No not gettting random texts very often.
Ah well she may text once S has gone to bed and so on.
Stop mopping and do something!
Are you worried about a future without her or one where you feel you may be on your own?
I have just done something that will set my husband off and taken that I am married from my Facebook account - yikes I really wish I'd left it and if I reinstate it, that will look even worse.
You are as mad as me. Im completely worried about a future without her and S yes, S is not with her this weekend.
I called her about 6.00 and got upset on phone, told her i just get lonely and just feel i dont know where i stand in it all. She deals with this so differently.
She is going to call me later again, i guess ill try to be brave. Ive give my all yet feel so worthless, thats the problem, yet she has made some effort but its so little and its just so slow. I want her to realise that she needs to push it on a bit now, we have been talking a seeing each other a month now, she needs to open up more and give more of herself to me. thats what i think! Im doing all the running i guess and i could still end up heart broken!
We chatted again at 9.00 she was ok, i just told her i found the going slow and frustrating as i would be up then down the next. She wants to do this i think, but she just wants to be in control and i guess i have to respect that. so its back to slow slow quick slow slow.
She just will not give me any emotion, i guess she wants to protect her very weak position in it all, no home, no job etc etc etc. I guess things like that still win over me a bit. But im on the list at least.
Its sunday, and i've been on my own all day. H called to say she was having a chill day. I was dissappointed to say the least. I have spent all yesterday and now today alone. Done some work in the garden making a new fence. H called at 7.00 to tell me that she had crushed her finger in her car door and had been down A&E all afternoon. Oh Dear!
We chatted for a bit and i had to explain to her that i was very frustrated by her being so hard to reach. I explained that i just think we are missing opportunities to get together and this just makes it harder. I asked her why she doesnt want me to go over to her and spend time, and meet with her parents and friends. She just thinks we need to connect better first. But i think that if we could get over the issue of her family and friends opinions, then she might relax more. But i guess that that might mean having conversations with them that might be difficult depending on whats been said about me.
But oh well! She is helping her mate clear her house tomorrow so its another wasted day for us. But she said she would text when they were done, so who knows! Ill get on with my fencing i guess.
Hiya,
I told you I was mad!
What about the no pressure tact then? You are becoming quite heavy rather than leaving her to come to you. Just be careful as you don't want to push her away.
What is the issue with her family, friends and you then?
What have you been doing today?
I had time on my own yesterday for a few hours which was nice and caught up with things. The we took the kids to the fun fair at our local park together which was nice. My husband then asked if I wanted to go out in the evening, to which I laughed and then said no! I went out with my friend instead and had a good laugh together.
My life is getting even more complicated as my man in uniform keeps texting me and even though we are trying to behave, he is getting quite suggestive! I haven't heard from X since Friday night either which is good.
I think I just need to have some 'me' time. I thought at my age and considering my life, I wouldn't be that appealing to many people.
Let me know how you are.
Thinking of you
Ive been very busy really, sorry not to get on here till now. Yesterday i spent watching football, then started on the fencing im building at the top of the garden. Its been a job waiting to do for a year, so i've got on and done it today and yesterday.
H turned up here last night at nine oclock, she was fed up with her mum and dad moaning and came over for company and sympathy on finger. She has it in a splint as she has badly crushed its tip. We had a nice evening chatting and i treated her like a baby. She stayed the night and we cuddled a bit.
So a little more ice has melted, today she went to help her mate as i said in my previous post. We have text a bit and she nearly came over again a bit ago, but S has returned early so she is picking him up from his nans. Guess ill see them soon.
The issues with her friends and family i refered to are just my opinions that she must have told them things relating to her feelings for me when she left, but now we are seeing each other again she may need to change her mind and her friens and family might seem confused. Just a thought really.
you must be a looker, for all this man attention you get! Try to stay off the men and maybe turn your mobile off! lol
Glad to hear you have been busy! How's the fence coming along?
Sounds like a nasty injury, must really hurt.
Oh right, I though i was missing something with her friends and family. Just the usual then.
I have been told I'm hot and gorgeous recently although you never see it yourself.
Yeah I may just turn my phone off! Man in uniform was texting me loads again yesterday though!
X text me this morning and said I was being coy! I was rather and he hasn't called me which is strange, hard thing to be 'friends' though after having an affair! I am trying - in more ways than one!
I only have myself to blame though.
Speak soon
All very tricky for you, but just say no is ther best policy.
Im having a rather boring day on my own in the rain. Even resorted to playing playstation for a couple of hours. Finshed the fencing yesterday afternoon. So was lucky really cause of this rain. Have not seen H today. Had a text or two. S is back now so she is chilling as she calls it. hopefully might agrange somerthing later for qa day out tomorrow or later in the week. K is back here tomorrow as well.
Yeah you are right, no is the best policy!
I had a nice evening with my friend last night, her husband has walked out on her and she was telling me all about it. Men! I know in your case - women!
At the same time I got texts from X and MIU! I am a complete nightmare! MIU has hinted about coming round tomorrow night although I am not sure as I will probably get myself into a lot more trouble. As you say, NO is what I should say!
Glad you finished the fencing, are you happy with it?
Any arrangements with H?
Saw H and S yesterday all day we all went to a local country park then back home for an hour or two in the garden then a meal at night at pizza express. stayed over again, but no funny business, we are still way off that.
She has not managed to pay the loan for this month, im affraid so ive footed it so far, she thinks she will be able to sort it out next week. We had a serious chat about money, and i told her its time she made some decisions. Im worried! she needs to start dealing with her issues, She is off away with her parents for the weekend now, so its going to be frustrating for me.
my parents got stuck into me today and told me i was wasting my time, and they had no wish to see her, so im really down now. i guess im on my own with no life jacket!
I am sorry to but in on your conversations but I have been reading this post with interest. Maybe cos I dont have a life lol but I feel that i know both of you!
Markyboy. Part of me thinks that you are wasting your time on this lady. Your not really happy with the whole situation and maybe by refusing to give up on the crumbs of this relationship your stopping yourself from meeting someone who can love you as much as you love them. The other part of me says you cant help who you fall for and dont give up, hopefully she will come round and you will be happy again.
Your parents are only getting at you because they are worried about you. They only see her messing you around and they think your worth more than she is giving you. Dont lose your parents over this. They love you, they mean well even if it comes out wrong.
Crisisokay. You sound like a lot of fun and I can see why you have the men falling at your feet :o). I feel that you need to let your hair down and have some fun. You have come out of a marriage that was very wrong and thats liberating. When I split from my estranged husband I went a bit mad and had a few one night stands (always careful and never when I had the children with me). I am not saying thats what you should be doing but it made me feel alive again. After a while tho I realised I was worth more than that and I have now settled down with a wonderful man who treats me like his queen. I am very happy and content.
I think that you should cut ties with the man you call X, he made his choice and decided to go ahead with the wedding. I know you work with him so your only contact with him should be work related. Anything else should be ignored. I know it takes 2 to have an affair and in the main he is the one thats hurting his wife but do you really want to be responsible for part of that? If he truely loved you he wouldnt have gone ahead and married her. I know you know all of this so I will shut up now! lol
As for MIU, why not! Your technically a single lady, why not let him take you to dinner? You dont have to start anything heavy, you dont even have to sleep with him but dont pass up on something just because you feel a sense of loyalty to Mr X.
You sound like a very grounded lady and its nice that you put your children first above anything else thats going on in your life. I truely hope you meet someone oneday that will treat you like their queen.
Love to you both. Looby x
Hiya,
Glad you had a nice day together and I am not surprised you have paid her loan, you like me are a soft touch.
Having re read some of the post and now with Looby's message I am now in agreement with that. It is going to have to be all or nothing really. You are giving your all and getting nothing back. That's why your parents have said what they have. At the end of the day when our kids are older and they are hurting, we will say things they wont want to hear.
Make some plans for this weekend, have fun with some mates and get out and let your hair down - you owe it to yourself. Let me know how you are.
I am off to the coast now with the kids and some friends so will log on later.
Looby, thanks very much for your comments, you are right I feel as though I need to have some fun and that is what I am doing! I know what you mean re one night stands. The attention you get is amazing and when you have been down in the dumps and miserable you it make you feel alive!
Yeah I know what you mean with X, I have been cooling off and hopefully it will just be great being friends. He does make me laugh and I don't want to give that up. He is cheeky and laughter is a powerful thing. We have never had the conversation about him not marrying her so I would never know and maybe wouldn't want too. Leave it at that I suppose!
MIU has seen too much and as much as it's frustrating he is right. He came round on Wednesday for a couple of hours which was really nice and nothing happened as we were on our best behaviour. That makes it easier as the kids were asleep upstairs. Having a drink and a chat with a friend doesn't sound as bad. The problem is we actually live nextdoor to each other and where our road comes out it's opposite the pub where my husband goes so its all a little tricky. I think, from texts we were having last night, he feels I need more time to get over my marriage. I really don't! I feel that I have already grieved my marriage. I feel bad that I am hurting my husband and that I am okay. He should have treated me better!
I just want to have a bit of fun and MIU is absolutely gorgeous and fit! OMG! We'll see, he is back on early shift today so I may hear from him later. He text me loads though and says he has to behave and that he so would but I know why - which I do. I am nick naming him walnut as he is a tough nut to crack. He knows my story, marriage, 2 kids, split and so on. He is 34 single and no kids. That means he must like me warts and all as the saying goes.
I would love to go out with him, just need to sort mu husband out.
I really got a telling off by him yesterday as it was my mum's birthday in Wednesday and myself, the kids and my parents went out for a meal and I didn't tell him. He found out, had a go at me and my mum and dad! I said to him that it wasn't that I didn't want him there it was just things have changed now.
When I came home last night he was looking through my things in my bedroom (he had the kids for the afternoon and was bathing them when I got in from work). I asked what he was doing and he said he was looking for his wedding ring! So I gave it to him. He then gave me the house keys back too. I think he knows I have moved on and he has got to deal with it.
I am glad you found happiness after your break up.
Life is hard sometimes, I am looking forward to an easy life now.
Have a good day and thanks again,
xx
Sorry Hijacking again!
Your ex sounds just like my ex. He did the dirty but when I called time on our marriage he acted like it was the end of the world. My ex went thru my stuff too when we first split, looking for evidence of me having sex with other people! Like it had anything to do with him. He never asked for his wedding ring back so I sold his and mine along with some other gold to a local jewellers! Made a nice packet there lol.
You sound like a right laugh, someone I would go out and have a drink with, bitch about men and get merry on a few glasses of vino! Markyboy would be welcome too, get his mind of his problems for an evening! Maybe let him bitch about women for a few mins or two :o) x
Well girls ive had a tough weekend so far, K has not felt well so im stuck at home worrying. I guess this is a massive weekend for everything as H has gone camping with parents and before she went i made it clear that i thought it was time she made some decsions. I have had no contact since yesterday after she came out of the hospital, for her finger. I had a missed call from her but not been able to get to her since. I expect she is doing some thinking as well as camping.
Im scared of my future as i dont like being alone, i cannot seem to find things to do.
Hope K is back to health soon.
Lets see what H says when she comes back then.
I know you don't like being on your own by use this time to work out if this relationship is worth fighting for and it's not because you don't want to be on your own. It's now getting to the point where it seesm she is taking the piss a bit.
Come on, you can do it! Wish we could meet up, you'd have a laugh then!
Off out tonight on a hen night! MIU maybe out too as he sent me a teaser text!
You know I am right! Come on!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just think it's the world cup soon so you will have plenty to occupy you then.
Hi Looby,
Don't worry you are not hijacking!
One thing about my ex is that he hasn't had affairs, he just hasn't treated me emotionally well. We have nice holidays, house, cars and so on but I just want someone who wants me and the kids first and then the pub!
I'm still quite attached to my rings. I am going to keep them for when my daughter is 18 I think although that's a long way off!
Thanks, you sound the same. I love just to have fun and not be too serious. My boss calls me the most black and white person he knows! Simples! I just want as easy happy life and my happy children to adore and love and that's it. Don't get me wrong I know I can be a pain in the arse, a bitch and so on but can't we all when we are pushed to our limits!
I'll raise a glass for you tonight as off out with the girlies - hen night. I want to say don't do it but that isn't fair!
Just need to crack MIU (walnut), he may be out! He's home right now and I am on my own and it's very frustrating to say the least!
Hark at me, I do sounds nuts! Oh well life is just too damn short!
Enjoy your weekend - you deserve it.
Speak soon xx
Yes i agree about the hijacking Looby, weve been going on foer a month now trying to make sence of the world.
As for my latest, H text me this afternoon, so we are keeping in touch as we have now for a month. I do think that she now has to make some descions and i think she does know that herself now. I will do my best to support her. I honestly believe she does love me, but her predicament stops her letting go. She knows that shes made some big choices that have made Our lives hard, and i guess she thought i'd let go.
I hope that we can sort her out with a rental house if thats the best option, im here to help but only emotionally as i cannot stretch finacially. But thats most likely the easiest way. Life for all of us might become clearer.
See what she comes back with as you said, hope you enjoyed your evenings!
Hiya, I am glad she has text you and I hope that she has had some thinking time whilst she is away and you get a resolve very soon.
If you believe that she loves you, that is brilliant and carry on as you are. If you are going to get back together is her getting a rental place the best option? If she can't afford her car repayment how is she going to get a rental? Or will she get support from the council? Hard one, as really couldn't she sort herslef out and then move back in with you? I know you would help her finacialloy if you could and I am pleased that you can't - this way she has to fend for herself.
I had a greatish evening thanks. Had the hen night in on the of village pubs although it wasn't a mad one! Just a meal and a few drinks.
I had told MIU that I was going out and he said he may be out but as he was on earlies he wasn't sure!
My husband and I took the kids out earlier to the local pub for a couple of drinks which was nice for them. Actually we got on okay too. We have to walk past MIU house and that made me feel a little strange. Anyway, I then sent him a text saying I undertstand why he doesn't want to have anything to do with me in a 'seeing' each other capacity and why I seem unattractive - sperated, kids and so on! I was ranting and a bit PMT ish I think! Anyway, he replied saying it's not that he isn't interested, it's just he feels I need more time and so on.
Anyway I text him when I was at the pub saying sorry for the rant and that I was in being silly and was out now. To which he said it was okay and that he saw me arrive - hence he was in the same pub!
I then spotted where he was sitting although he didn't know I had seen him.
Then we were texting and I asked if he was walking home and he said yes and in the end we met and walked home.
We went the long way and had a long chat about things. He said that he had been in enough relationship break ups and that he feels I need more time to sort my head out. I told him that I was over it as I felt that I have already grieved my marriage and that I wouldn't have been interested in anyone else if I had been happy and wanted it to happen. I also explained that I only wanted to have a bit of fun and nothing heavy at all and that I really liked him!
He then started holding my hand and he kissed me! It was okay until we had the your place or mine conversation. I said his, He then asked who was looking after the kids and I said my husband! Good feeling gone as he said that is really taking the piss and that he couldn't do that being nextdoor! He was right and that was that. Maybe we'll speak later, I dont know.
He doesn't know about X and if he wants to see me, I will tell X that we can only be friends and no more text flirting.
I do like to complicate my life too.
Hope you have a nice day, the weather her isn't so good.
Take care
Weather was showers, the day was long, parents came down for afternoon and had kfc with us. Watched the football charity thing. Spoke to H at 9.30. told me a little about her weekend, and said she would have the money for the loan for me this week. I just said not to worry to much but, i reminded her i expect to chat with her about it all very soon. I think shes nervous about it all, but my opinon is that she needs to start to make decisions now. I might revisit the idea of trying to encourage her to open up to her parents about the whole situation. Might help ease her burden if they knew her financial plight, plus might help if she let me into that part of her life again. If she keeps putting that off i dont know why?
Your life just gets more complicated, i dont know what to say really! lol
Morning,
I take it you are back at work now.
I think you should have a talk about the loan etc but leave her to make her own mind up who she tells of her financial status. Is she back at work yet? Why do you want to get involved again? All you have been doing is trying to help and she hasn't taken you up on it. Take a step back for a while so you can let her help herself. There must be more from her and not take, take, take. Do what you say to me and read back over what we have written and it's always you! I know I sound mean, up I hate to think of you being so sad all of the time.
Yes it does and it's all of my own doing! I am a nightmare. I really like MIU and who knows. He sees a lot of coming and going from my husband and that isn't good for anyone. Once my husband moves into his house, he can have the kids away from my house and that will make things much easier!
Catch you later
yes im back at work, Yes you are very right about who seems to be doing all the running in the relationship at the moment, and its not that i havent tried to mention that to H cause i have. The way i see it is that we have come alittle way down the road in the past month, but H still has issues to deal with.
In that month we have gone from no contact, to some texting, returning of calls, a few meals out with kids, plus without kids. Three stop overs. the ability to cuddle and sit with each other on occassion. In amounst that we have talked about some problems, we have started to chip away at a massive iceburg i guess and theres load under the surface. Its difficult and my will is stronger than H's cause im not the one who left and had problems! So thats why i drive it i guess! She will eventually have to start to move on things cause she will have to, im just trying to support. She claims she is scared to say stuff in case i dont like it, but im not really in any position to change things for her. I may not agree with stuff she does, but im not being blamed for her decisions either. Thats why i think she is stalling on everything! She is scared of being wrong about her choises. If she rents and cannot pay her way or has to go without things in life, it will not be my fault. I am here for her and always have been.But those choises are hers to make, all i have tried to do is reasure her that i love her and S and wished things hadnt got to this point, yet im still here with her trying to help her life be a happy one, and my own to that effect.
If that means she rents and we have to restructure how the relationship works then im up for that, cause its better than losing her. But she needs to want that too i know.
I think she is just still desperately in limbo and even though she cares for me, she is scared that i will not let her do things her way, thus that makes progress slow. It truely is a massive vicious circle.
When i put myself in her shoes and i have told her this, i truely would not know where to start. i would explode! But thats what happens when you make rash decisions and get into a depressive state of mind.
As we have said time is a great healer.
She isnt back at work no, she is due at doctors thursday, and i guess he will sign her off again. Still got a bad throat, and i guess she will add some stress in ontop of that. But again it does her a favour in one way not having to go to work. But really it doesnt help, cause she then doesnt face the problems that returning to work in that job will bring her, and maybe as we have said. Its time she started to do just that!
Hiya,
Sorry I haven't been on sooner.
How are things going this week, any developments? I know you drive the situation but H needs to give you more as she is th eone who left and has the issues. She really does need to take responsibility and give you what you need also. One way traffic is very unattractive. The thing is, if this keeps going on the way it is you will start resenting her and where will you be then?
If she is scared to say stuff now, that to me would say she doesn't trust you or your reactions towards things. Surely she should know you better. From what you have posted you seem to be a very compassionate and caring person who would accept whatever she has to say that may be negative and work on that.
They are her choices and she needs to make then, just listen and don't give you approval or comments. You need to take a step back and let her find her own two feet. If she can't see what she is walking away from etc, she is a fool! Rant over, sorry!
Has she been signed off again?
Anyway, where are you watching the footie tomorrow? I am going to get an England top. I really don't know much about football but I am English and you have to support your country!
Take care
Yes she has been signed off again, so thats done her a favour. Saw her last night for a couple of hours, and she was fine with me. We have had two long chats on the phone this week, followed by yesterday. I mentioned what her plans were for a new job closer to her mums. As you said really i then just listened to what she thinks about the situation.
Tonight we are going to go out for a meal and she is staying over then tomorrow we are going to go out for the day. As far as watching the football, well of course i will be.
So here to a great weekend for all!
You be good!
Hi,
How's your weekend going?
How did the meal go?
I have been good - not for the want of trying though!
MIU is causing me some concern. He really is confusing me at the moment. He texts me all of the time, although haven't had any today and he has been in all day.
Yesterday there were loads and he even texted me re the football. On Friday I went round to my friends and when I've had a few drinks, I always decide to text him! Basically he is saying we need a long chat and he likes me but doesn't want to hurt anyone. I have said that's my problem and I will deal with it and keep him out of it. He wont budge and I even said I give up and have thrown the towel in. Ahhhh, I wish I could just leave this alone.
Saw X on Thursday too and we ended up going out for dinner - I know I am a nightmare.
Then I got asked out by someone who had liked me for ages and I said we could be friends as I can't right now - what the hell in going on?
I know I am making all this mess on my own and I have no one else to blame. I really like MIU and that's the problem now. Maybe I want something from him to stop me thinking about X? Why is life so hard and confusing?
I know you will have a go at me! Be gentle!!
Hope you are okay though
Look! What the hell sort of person do you want to be?
Get a grip of your life, calm down! I cannot really give you any more advice than that, you are obviously quite happy flipping from one man to the next, but is it healthy? What are you searching for?
Are you looking for a quick thrill, or a new partner? A few weeks ago it was all about a man who was getting married, now its every man you come into contact with!
Im really not trying to judge, its just so mad how you have become so manic!
My weekend was ok, i would say that a little more ice was melted. We went to a nice country pub and had a lovely meal and walk. H stayed over and we spent Saturday morning and afternoon shopping in Brum. We are getting closer again and slowly i think H is trusting me and herself again. So its slowly forward we go!
I said be gentle! I know it all sounds nuts and I have decided to stop all the texting and so on and just have fun with my friends. I really dont want to hurt my husband anymore than he is and all this is too close to our break up even though I feel as though I am ready to move on.
A few weeks ago you were telling me to forget X and I have put a stop to that - I know we went for dinner but nothing else happened.
I don't know if I am ready for another relationship, maybe its just as MIU is being more considerate than me and that makes it more interesting. I have decided to stop persuing this one too.
The other guy is just a friend and no more in my eyes. He lwould like it to be more but I have said no.
So in short, I am on my own and happy! Is that okay now?!
Glad to hear your weekend went okay and that things are getting better for you both.
Sorry for being so blunt with you, but you really were losing it from what you had wrote. Try to keep under control.
H and S were here tonight for a bbq and all went ok. S got upset when it was time to go. But all was fine.
Speak again soon!
Hey no worries!
What's been going on for the last few days?
Been quiet few days and weekend so far. S was really upset as he left the other night and said he wanted to come home. It was hard but i told him to be brave. Have not seen H to really talk openly about it since but i guess its her problem still. She is away with her mate and kids this weekend camping so i have only spoke to her on the phone since, and thats where its hard.
England were a letdown, but i just expect dissappointment in everything at the moment so life goes on.
How are you?
Morning,
Ah bless S, must be really difficult for him. I had a lump in my throat moment on Monday as my son came out of Beavers with a Fathers Day gift with a note say he hopes he likes living with the dog! I felt really sad for him and when I asked if he was okay he said yes as at least Daddy has the dog to keep him company! Ah bless him.
Have you heard from H yet?
Yes England were a pile of poo! Total rubbish.
I am really moody today and I am not sure why.
I had a really nice weekend. My friend and I went out for a few drinks on Saturday and I bumped into an old friend and we all had such a laugh.
Yesterday my husband and I took the kids to Legoland and had a really lovely day. I used the day to really assess how I feel and came to the conclusion that I am where I want to be. Maybe that's why I am moody today!
He satyed on the sofa last night although I feel he had other intentions which i made clear were not going to happen. I also spoke with a friend who went away with his wife after they spilt up and assured me it's okay as the kids are there and you centre round them. So I am a little less anxious about our holiday now.
Speak soon x
Hope your holiday does go well when the time comes, i do hope you have settled down a bit after your hectic past few weeks.
Heard from H last night for an hour, made some vague plans for this week and hopefully saturday we can spend together. Friday as well if im lucky. Still waiting for H to move things on really, but im hanging on in there. So we will see what the week brings.
I had an conversation with my husband this morning that I wasn't expecting. He asked if we were definately over. I explained how I felt and that I couldn't put myself or us through all of the rubbish again and that we both deserved better. I told him I still loved him but at this moment in time, I couldn't be in our marriage. He was actually okay and said that he now knows how many times he has kicked me in the teeth and understands why i don't want anymore.
He asked if I was seeing anyone to which i said no. I told him that I had been asked out by someone but I don't like him like that and that I quite like another person but that's not going to happen. I explained that it's because I dont want to hurt him. He said it was okay if I started seeing someone as long as he finds out from me and not anyone else. I told him I wanted time on my own but will enjoy a flirt as and when the occasion arises. He said he is fine and that he will live a life of regret not having me. I said you can never say never but at the moment it's not for me.
Hopefully we can remain amicable as this will be harder for him than me. I did feel a bit upset for him.
Any further plans for the weekend? I am away with my friend and the kids - can't wait.
Well the messages on here are slowing down. I take that as a good sign for both of us.
My latest is that me and H had a nice weekend together and talked a bit more, we are still moving very slowly but in the best direction. Hopefully love will come through.
Hi, Sorry I haven't been in contact for a while.
How are things with you?
I am glad things for you are okay, as for me?? I am such a nightmare. X and I are off as you know although we had a sneeky dinner the other day.
MIU - this is where my head in done right in! I was quite happy with a few texts messages which is fine. I went away for the weekend (last week) and when I came home he was sending me some naughty messages and in the end we decided to meet up for no strings sex - I can hear you having a go!
So we did that 3 days last week. We both knew the score and that from Monday (today) we would stop that as neither of us wants to hurt anyone.
He texted me yesterday saying that I looked gorgeous and then the texts were going back and forth - I am so over my text allowance it's untrue! He then suggests he wants to see me, I invite him round just for a chat and a drink - nothing else. He then says no although I know he wants too.
I get really confused and all I get from him is that he doesn't want to hurt anyone and that we shouldn't be doing this?! Can you see why I am confused?
I was talking to some girlfriends this morning and they were saying maybe he likes you more and vice versa and the fact that my husband comes and goes frequently may worry him. He has mentioned him and the fact that we are off on hols over this weekend, maybe it's that. MIU is back at work today so I wont have to avoid him that much.
I know I am a nightmare and only have myself to blame, I just wanted some no strings fun and it's ended up being really complicated.
My problem is I am 36 and can't be arsed with playing games like teenagers do.
Before you ask, this happened during the day when the kids were at shcool, not when they were in the house. If he comes round and they are here, nothing happens.
Ahhhh!
I just dont know what to say really, you are looking for no strings fun. What is no strings fun?
There is no such a thing, all fun will have strings! I guess MIU will want something more from you one day. What about X?
Were you like this before you married and settled down? I dont want to pick fault with you, you have been a good listener to me and helped me keep positive when i was struggling. You are indeed having fun, sex is sure good fun!
I never thought for one second you would put your kids in this problem at any point.
My life is still pretty mad, H has realised if nothing else that the time is coming to make some decisions. Im still in there helping her along in my way, and we do speak every day and see each other at weekends, i still wish it was for longer, but when we are together its lovely and quite relaxed.
The issue of me getting invited over to her life is still a big one though. I guess i was right about the way i have been portrade to her family and friends and thats made her position difficult and she is still not prepared to put that straight, i guess she needs to sort out her living arrangements more than anything else. She is terrified that if she lets me into her life over there, people will question why she ever left me!
So im a bit soft i guess, to allow her that grace, as i did nothing to deserve it. Which i guess she knows but has real trouble dealing with.
TIme heals is still the moto!
Well I thought no strings fun was sex without having a relationship! I quite agree with your comment though. I was talking with my best friend about MIU and she said the same. I feel really crap at the moment out of sorts.
What about X?? As you said from the very beginning, I should stop it. We talk and text but apart from dinner the other day, we don't see each other. Everything had died down on my part but I feel he wants more from me again. He was saying that his wife and him weren't getting on and I told him he needs to sort that out. We had a spat the other day and I told him I am not an object but a person with feelings. I feel used I supposed, but I knew that anyway.
No I wasn't like this before I got married. My first serious boyfriend broke my heart. We started going out when I was 14 and that was on and off through to 22 when he traded me in for an older model! I then was only single for a few months and wen out on a few dates and a few one night stands and then started going out with my now husband.
My husband is around me a lot at the moment and I can't cope with that as he wants me back and I don't. I feel like I am suffocating at the moment and if I didn't have my children I feel I would probably run away for a week! I have my gorgeous kids and wont do that.
I am worrying myself. MIU made me realise last year that my marriage was over, even before X. He moved next door and I literally stopped dead in my tracks when I saw him, it's hard to explain. He's single without children has a good job, nice car and more importantly is a really nice, caring gentleman. He's on late shifts at the mo so I haven't seen him. My friend thinks he wants more from me but because I have been it can only be a bit of fun, I have only myslef to blame. At the end of the day I have 2 kids and people without kids find that a turn off. ALthough when he sees mine he always talks to them.
You are right, there has been enough time to assess the situation with H. What has sh possible said to her friends etc to make it so bad about you? It seems as though she is blaming you for everything when you are there no matter what. You really need to think if this is what you really want. Can you trust her not to be like this again. Sounds like she needs a kick up the bum!
Yeah time heals, but it's a pain on the bum waiting for it to happen.
Help me -I am losing it!
It's my wedding anniversary tomorrow and I have some gifts from my husband. A beautiful boquet of flowers and a sorry card. He haswritten in the card how I make him feel and what an idiot he has been to me and why. Basically he has confirmed what I have said over the years. But this hasn't changed my mind. If I could, I wish I could just run off for a bit. I have been in a really foul mood all week and have spat my dummy out at work twice this week and it's so not like me.
I am getting really worried now and just feel like I could scream.
I am going to lay low and tell X to leave me alone outside of work and MIU will leave me alone anyway.
I really dont know what to do. I feel so pressured as we have had talks about finances and I am worry about keeping my house, maybe getting a full time job or a part time job in Tesco's or a bar and so on. Maybe that's what's making me feel low?
Sorry to put this on you :-(
It seems that things are starting to get on top of you. life is a rollercoaster. You really need to try to calm down. We have been chatting on here now for 3 months. Look at your posts, go back to what you have told me, and any body else who reads this remember.
Who do you want to be? You are a devoted mum, there is no questioning that, but you sure have lost your own identity somewhere along the line. You might need to start being alot more honest with your husband if there is no chance for him rekindling your marriage. You decribed him as a man who went up the pub and not very attentive. Is he completely to blame for your marriage being where it is?
Has he had affairs in the past?
Im not marriage guidence i guess, but as you know from my own position, i dont give up easily on relationships.
i've had two meaningful relationships in my life, and have thought very hard for both. My marriage in the end was impossible to save, that was a 18 year relationship. We are friends now.
The other is My current with H. As i write this, that relationship is slowly reforming into a new patern and we are making progress.
It might be the most difficult conversation you may ever have, and it might get nasty, but maybe its time to be honest and frank with your husband if you cannot see a future. Tell him about your affairs!
Get rid of the guilt, its the guilt thats killing you and making you feel bad. If you need a new start, it cannot start until you deal with your marriage, i have told you this before. But you continue to put it on the back burner and go out a have your "no strings fun". Great at the time, but complicated after the moment is gone.
Please try to see my point, you are unhappy with your life. But you are putting off the dealing with it cause you fear the wrath and mysery it will bring, and it will!
Divorce and seperation are not nice things to go through, finances and so on become part of the problem. ITS SHIT! But honestly its time to get a grip and decide what you want to do. Im guessing you are feeling massively depressed and cornered, thats the guilt you are carrying from not being able to deal with the situation you are in.
Please dont panic, take your time, stop contacting other men. Be honest with yourself. Deal with one issue at a time. Its time to go it alone for a while, get support from your girlfriends and not other men. Maybe go to a relate session and confess all to them, you WILL feel better!
You are right, I need to find me again. As you know how I am with my children isn't in question.
I thought I was having a laugh, but in reality I suppose I have been hiding away and not dealing with things properly.
I have been honest with my husband in the sense that I don't want us to get back together and even after yesterday and the honest words he used in the card, it hasn't changed my mind. I feel awful that he is hurting. I can't confess and I don't see the point. It's a case of what he doesn't know wont hurt hi,. If I tell him, that would destroy him so why put him through that? If I were to change my mind about us then I would.
I don't feel guilty though, I don't know how I feel. All I know is that I haven't got the energy to try again. I suppose you can say never. I feel really tearful typing this.
I probably am feeling really depressed and worrying about the future. I need to be on my own with my kids and find me again. The holiday is only 4 weeks away and I am worrying about that too.
I am the only one who can sort this one out as it's all my mess.
I am glad things with H are taking shape but don't be a door mat.
It really is hard to do some things in life. Your life with your husband is stopping you move on. The holiday is worrying you cause it will mean time together that you do not want.
You need to be honest with him, you might need to tell him of your affairs in the sense that it will get that secret off your chest and might enable him to see that its over. He still loves you and is looking for something that you no longer have for him. Dont let this drag on!
It does stop me moveing on you are right, as you know it's all down to the finances now. Therefore I feel he still has a hold over me. I have been looking at working full time again but I really dont want to as I enjoy taking my kids to school 2 days a week and then having time with them in the hols.
I am sure that the holiday will be okay as he knows that I am not going to change my mind. He and my mum has a long talk about it yesterday and he knows it's over. Maybe holiday will be alright after all.
I wont be honest and confess as what's the point. If I were to change my mind then I would confess. At the moment it's seems to be going okay and if I tell him it will be shit. He does love me and I still love him but it's not enough.
What plans have you and H got this weekend?
I really think you are brave to try to continue when your hearts not in it! But if thats your choice then stick to the rules of no other men in your life until you are sorted properly.
finances are always a massive thing in any relationship and i understand it is difficult to sort new lives in that respect, but sacrifice will have to be made for new life. You will need to work for it and that will mean less Family time.
H and i are seeing each other later for a evening out in the country somewhere in Warwickshire. Then stay over at ours and tomorrow we will do something as yet unplanned. She is then off out with a mate for a hen night.
Im on holiday fromn work next week so might try to sort out a bit more time together if shes up for it. Things are more relaxed, and its positive.
Hiya, how are you? Sory I haven't logged on for a while.
How has your week been? Enjoying your time off?
Well my husband and I aren't really talking at the mo. Went to our friends BBQ on Saturday night and I got to the stage where i wanted to go and decided to go and not say goodbye, so I walked home on my own. In the morning I thought that wasn't the best thing to do. He had a real go at me and I explained that as he had asked to stay at ours and I said no, I didn't want to be put into that situation again.
He then came round and I had changed a few things re the kids and he had a go at me again and just wouldn't let me speak. I go so angry that I stormed out to calm down. I explained the reasons why things had to be tweaked a little so the kids could enjoy everything. I said to him to re read the sorry card he wrote especially the part where if we argue he would listen to my view and not talk over me - yeah right!
I haven't seen him this week but will do tomorrow so hopefully he will be alright then, not that I really care.
Not looking forward to the hols that much now! He only sent off for his new passport this week even though I filled the form out online for him. All he had to do was get his photos done. My daughter and I needed new ones at the same time. funnily enough we have them!
Oh well, life eh!
Men can be a bit useless, been a decent week off and head some nice times with H.
You okay?
Normally you elaborate more on what you have been doing?
How are things with H?
Sorry yes im fine, been a bit hectic this end for a few days. H and S are ok, they have gone away camping in lakes and Scotland with her parents, but we are still in regular contact. We have spent a good amount of time together in the last week or so. Work for me has been hectic as we are organising for a strike, but thats another story.
On the whole my mad life is ok. Out of ten id give it a five.
Hows things with you? I hope your in reasonable control!
Glad you are fine, along with H and S. Did they have a nice break?
Organising a strike?? Blimey that sounds scary!
Yeah I am alright although not great. My husband is giving me crap at the mo which is fine and I can handle that so that's no worrying me. X has stated telling me that he misses me and why can't we start again? Go figure that one out for yourself and then there in MIU.
He has been in contact and although we have said we are just staying friends he texts me ALL the time.
We have had a few sexual encounters along the way which has been great and then we go back to friends! I told him the other day that I was was meeting X for lunch (just friends) and he didn't like it.
Then last night I was late home from work and I have left my mobile at home and he had text me a couple of hours before I got in so explained and then he got a bit shitty with me as he thought I was meeting X. For someone who wants to be friends this is all a bit heavy.
Oh well I go away next week so maybe that's the fresh start for me.
Drop the other men for now as i've told you.
H and S still away until Saturday, so im bored and longing for adult conversation again. I had hoped this holiday was going to be brill will nice sunny days and days out. But as ever my ideas were way off.
Hopefully next week will improve in all aspects.
Im affraid my story ends here, It seems the last few weeks since this post have been a real rollercoaster ride.
H returned from her holiday and was just on a downer i guess, post holiday blues. I think that the reality of having to now deal with all the issues of finding a new place to live and fitting me in was becoming a problem. We continued to try to see each other and spend time, but H just cannot stay positive and would continually blow hot and cold. Before her holiday we had managed to recover our sex life partly, but on her return she was cold towards that again. So the last few weeks has seen her become pressured and put on again. She finally admitted that she could not cope with the effort any more and thus wanted to call it a day.
Im gutted and cannot stop crying, i feel i've lost my future and its like being back in Jan 04 when my wife left me and broke up our marriage of 10 years. H just slipped away from me since the turn of the year and i couldnt stop her slip for all my efforts. Im angry with her for not telling me how she was feeling and thinking, plus not sharing her secrets of debt with me. The deprssion has done for us.
I love her so much, but she no longer loves me. She probably doesnt even love herself.
I am so sorry to hear your news. I haven't been on here in ages and feel bad that I haven't been here for you.
What is happening now?? I wish I could help.
Let me know xx
Thinking about this, don't be angry with yourself as you have done all that you can.
Let her go and if it's meant to be she'll come back and if nor, you can carry on. You know you will be fine. Come on give yourself a kick up the bum and say that you can do this. Think about K, he needs you.
Hello how are you? I guess you went on your holiday!
Was a tough few weeks, but she had given up on us i guess, when she came back off her hoiday with her mum and dad, she became difficult to talk too.
Planning stuff was like pulling teeth, no effort being made from her and loads from me, i was under pressure at work and needed her to just say a few kind words now and again. But she could not do it, she would listen to a point and then complain that i needed to be tougher.
She would not stay over and our sex life dissappeared again. She was close to deciding on the rental, and we had conversations on how she should go about it. paying rent, her giving notice with her job. Which she has not been to since Feb.
So she could get benifits! Massive choices.
The week she was about to make some of those decisions, i happen to tell her i think she is getting distant and not caring about my feelings and i get the "I cant do this anymore!"
So it was over, not from the want of trying from me. I think she will live to regret her silly overactions, one day in the near future. her debts will not go away, And her happiness of getting away to her solitiude, will fade away and the reality of a hard up hill battle will begin for her.
SUCH A SHAME, but no longer my problem.
I have been left a bit knocked back by it all, felt very low for ages, could not stop crying. But since she took her belongings last week i have began to settle. I hate being on my own though, i need to be in love and be careing for others. Time will help i hope.
How are you?
Hiya,
Yeah I am good thanks. Yes we went on holiday and it worked out much better than I though. Only a couple of cross words which was great. No getting back together though! Nothing happened on holiday as I really didn't want it too. It was good for the kids and they have been fine since we have been back (4 weeks).
He has finally got his house so from next week we will have to make arrangements for what night he has then, obviously felxible for each of us. We have agreed on what's his and mine and I am waiting for an appointment to get a legal separation agreement done. We can't get divorced until 2 years. I could site him for unreasonable behaviour, but I don't want to rock the boat. He did ask me last week if it was really over to which I said yes. I am 100% sure in my decision and know there is no going back. I am in a much better place spendin time with the kids, family and friends.
With regards to you and H, it has been very one sided and you have been doing all the running around. I am sure you will be fine and I know that you want someone to love and hate being on your own, but that person isn't H. Like me you need t find someone to love you too and to be happy in life. I have had years of feeling second best and I am not going to do it anymore.
She needs to find her own feet and hopefully once she settles into a new place and so on and sorts the debts out, she'll realise what she has thrown away. I hope you are not on her car loan now.
There will be someone out there that you wll fall for and be really happy, I really do think that.
I now know what I want in a new man and one day maybe i'll find what I am looking for. It may be MIU or may not be. One thing I am lucky with is I have 2 great kids and my home, that is all I could ask for. Anything else is a bonus.
I have been very erractic this year and I do believe it's because I was miserable for so long. I had a double life for a bit to see what it was like being liked for me. Not the ideal way of dealing with things, but then what is?
X and I still talk and get on well and that's it. Things have settled there and he in concentrating on his wife which is great.
MIU, we have a mutual agreement. We see each other only at mine and we text everyday. He told me last week that the reason why things can't come out in the open is because of my husband. Once everything is legal it will go one one or the other. I would love to have a relationship with him but if it doesn't work out, he has at least put a smile on my face and I have a great friend.
Only time will tell
Hope you are having a nice weekend.
things a bit slow for me, you have an active social life, where as i do not. but there are plans for this weekend coming. Lads night out, with at least one other bloke in my position!
The loan with H is our only ty but she knows the score and has until end of month to come up with the money or return the car and documents to me. I would then sell it and repay the loan.
I think she will end up doing that cause i think the tax runs out end of month. She cannot afford the car along with everything else.
Have not spoken to her now for over a week and that was when she collected last of her stuff. she really has not got anyrthing to show for her life. which is so sad, and i did remind her of as she went. My heart wanted to help her, but told me it could not anymore, which is what i said to her.
I said i loved the last 5 1/2 years but was pissed off with her to have ended it, and that it was not my choice or fault. I told her she had made some very rash decisions that had effected all the family. S would suffer as she would, and of course so will i.
I do guess that when the dust settles she may see what a mistake she has made, and that is even sadder.
That's good that you have a night out planned. Don't dwell too much with the other guy that's in the same position, let yourself have a good time.
Yes I suppose I am really lucky, I have the girls round on Friday night which will be cool. I can't go too mad as the kids will be home too.
It's good that you have discussed the car etc. I have asked my husband if he would agree to a mortgage holiday for a few months just so I can clear my credit card and so on. He said he would go to the branch and as yet - had he bothered?? NO. This is what really pisses me off.
You have to let her go, well done for not texting and so on. It is really hard but it will get easier in time.
You need to get on with each day and not wallow in it - you need to keep strong and one day you'll wake up and she isn't the first thing you think of.
My husband has finally found a place and the first weekend he could have the kids for a sleepover, he is away for the weekend. Charming, then he has a week away in October. But he keeps telling me he has no money! Then he dares critcise me for going out. I have a budget and I know this is sad, but I give my mum the money and she then gives it to me as and when I am going out. Otherwise it just gets lost.
I hope you are okay and let me know how you are.
Have a good day.
i am fine thanks, its been a tough day today though. I think that listening to music on my ipod at work did not do me any favours. Each song would bring up a thought.
I certainly will not be making contact for the sake of it, the next text she gets will be regarding the car and her intentions. Its a text i do not want to send but will eventually have to,maybe this weekend or next week.
She also has house keys still, but why she never left those when she took the last of her stuff i do not know!
I have excepted that we cannot be together and now i am in the mode of finding my feet and a new future. Would love a cuddle though!
Hi,
How are you doing?
I know what you mean abvout lsitening to songs and hearing all the words and thinking about things.
Have you had any contact then?? Have you got the house keys back?
I am glad you have accepted the decision that has been made and are moving forward.
I know what you mean about a cuddle. This is the best I can do (((((((((((((hug))))))))))))).
Let me know how you are.
hello, Been away for a few days with work, but got back now. How am i? Well i guess i am trying hard to get on with life. As regards H and stuff, i have had no contact at all since sjhe took the last of her stuff i would say over two weeks ago now.
But i still have the outstanding loan and house key problem. I guess i will contact her early next week to see what her intentions are. Do not know what to expect! But will deal with it by going first to her parents to ask where she is living and put them straight on the whole thing if i have to.
I will warn her first of course.
On the life front, well i went out with mates last weekend and even met up with a girl who i had been chatting to on the net, we had got on quite well so had a few drinks with her. She seemed nice, but not sure wether it is going to develop, she has younger children, 6 and 2 1/2. She works away alot, and she lives 15 miles away.
we have kept in touch through texts, but not seen each other since, not sure how to play it, i think she is in a hurry to move on in her life. Yet her issues with her ex seem very uncertain, in the respect that he is causing her grief about kids, and not accepting the situation. Might make it difficult to relax i guess. Plus my own issues about the distance and how often we would get to meet up.
I think i'll try to see her again next Monday night, but thats if our diaries allow. I have to consider K, and those arrangements will not change. I think she is in love with her job also so in that respect it might prove an impossible relationship.
But on the whole things are ok, i still feel pissed off about things, and annoyed, but it cannot be changed. Still feel i am in a living nightmare sometimes.
Hope you are ok x
Here is an update on yesterday. I decided that today would be a good day to bring up loan issue with h. It is due next week!
I called her and asked her, what her intentions were. It was not a good reply, she firstly told me that she had not done anything about it and was going to get advice on the issue. What advice do you need i asked?
You owe 4500 k for a car loan that i am paying. She said that she felt she had contributed to the house in that her previous loan had paid for a new bathroom, plus her previous car.
I said that was true, but she had since entered into an agreement for the new car loan, which i took in good faith Whenwe were happy and trusted her to honour the payments. Whilst she had lived with me for 5 1/2 years i had paid all domestic bills and mortgage.
She had only ever paid loan and for food bill.
I was so taken aback, that she was trying this on me. Whilst we were trying to sort out her problems i never ever thought she would be so low as that she would try this on me. I never did nothing wrong, why should i be left with her debt, and she drive around in a car that i am now paying for.
But it seems that is what i am left with.
I am gutted that she has become so desperate that i am now also being done by her as have the credit card companies and banks.
Willleave it a week now i guess to see what happens, if she does anything. Will themn call her again to confirm her position. If she remains the same, then all i can do is contact her parents and tell them the full story. Maybe it might help, maybe they will not care a bit.
Blimey, a lot has been going on!
Firstly well done fo getting put there and being interested in another lady - how's that going?
Secondly, are you surprised with H. She is obviously not in a good place and she is blaming you. You have done nothing but be there for her and support her and S and this is how she repays you??
So what's the update with the car loan?? I'd just go to her parents now and set the record straight. What have you got to loose?? She must have made a story up when you were still trying as you referred to her not wanting you to meet up with her friends and family.
Have you been keeping yourself busy otherwise? How is K?
Well my husband had the kids at the weekend on Sat night for the 1st time, I didn't really like it but that's me just wanting them to be at home with me. MUI came round for a couple of hours after work which was really nice, We do get on really well.
I have a girls weekend away this weekend and I am really looking forward to that, feel like I need a few me days away. Struggle with the fact I feel really selfish though.
I have my solicitors appointment on Monday and that's for a deed of separation, but too grown up for me.
Other than that, I feel I am in a happy place with kids and homelife. It would be nice to feel a little more financially secure, but hey ho you can't have it all. I am lucky I still have my home.
Have a good weekend and I'll catch up next week as off tomorrow till Sunday.
Keep strong, you know you can do it.
xx
Here is the very latest, K is ok, just getting on with life like nothing has happened.
The lady friend turned into a bot of a no go. She had loads of stuff to sort with her life in my opinion and i thought it best i did not get to involved with her, with my own problems still not resolved completely yet.
On that front, i am expecting H to drop car off to me tomorrow, with all the documents and stuff as well.
she will leave car in garage and leave keys in the house, then that will be that!
I will then sell the car and pay off the loan, giving her any extra money from the sale. Cause i am too nice!
Sorry, I have been eally rubbish in here.
I am glad K is okay and getting on with things.
How are you? Did you get the car back?? Yes you are too nice.
Any other lady friends? I think you were right to steer clear of that one.
Well I had a weekend away with my friends and had a great time. I went to the solicitors and the letter should be landing today. I do feel a bit guilty as I am the stronger one. He isn't happy and has said so to my dad although not to me. This is a separation agreement as we can't get divorced for 2 years, well 18 months now. I feel okay about it, don't get me wrong there are times where I have a little panic and so on, but that is normal.
Life is plodding along quite nicely at the mo. X seems to be getting on with his wife okay and I am really pleased that part of my life is over, I do feel really guilty for her though. As you said I was going through a very manic part of my life and I still can't beleive it happened. We live and learn as they say.
MIU and I are still seeing each other on the quiet, he texts me all the time still and we have a good time. If things will change from no strings it will be after the agreement has been signed by my husband. If it doesn't change then I know it's just a bit of fun and nothing more. It has even got to the stage that if something happens, I am the first person he tells and likewise with me. He is a great friend and a really nice man, fingers crossed!! I would love to have a relationship with him, what will be will be though.
I do hope you are well and look forward to hearing from you.
Take care xx
hello, i am ok. A bit bored at times i guess but getting on with ajusting slowly. the car was returned and i am trying to find a buyer now. Have not heard from H since its return over two weeks ago.
So that part of my life is pretty much behind me now.
No real ladies, just a couple of online friends, one who is close by, but i think she has doubts about her own feelings about relationships at the minute. She is still in that limbo part of things i think.
husband had an affair in Feb, she is just going through the divorce. So i am trying to play it cool, cause she seems quite nice and it would be nice to meet her and share our problems.
Speak again soon.
Glad to hear you are okay and you have the car back.
I would say it's pretty much behind you now, it will get easier in time no doubt.
Yeah play it cool and see what happens. Good luck on that one. Keep me posted.
Off out to the schools quiz night tonight and actually staying in tomorrow and the kids will be with their dad - will be very strange. MIU is on shift though so that's a shame. He may pop in after work, we'll see.
Ok, glad you are settled a bit. Yes i am now playing the game of life again, just need to sell the car and all that is properly over. Already seems like years ago!
Hopefully something new will come along and life will begin again.
Hi,
It's been a while since I have been on here. How are things with you? Have you managed to sell the car? Have you had any contact with H?
Yes I suppose I am settled a bit haha! My husband has lost the letter that my solictor has sent him so I need to get it resent. Once he gets it he has promised me that he will go to a solicitor and get our deed of separation sorted and then I can get on with my life as i'd like without the feeling that he is still controlling me. It is coming up to 7 months now and I just need the freedom without doing things in secret.
MIU and I have changed a bit, I spat my dummy out the other week and he has changed how he is with me. I basically went out with the girls and thought it was a good idea to send him an email saying that I deserved more and that things need to change. Then when I awoke I thought what the f*** was I thinking!
Since then he has said that he wants to see me and has cancelled his friends to come round and see me instead and that was after he had worked 8 days and was really busy.
I was talking to a couple who are our mutual friends the other day and they are both in the police and said they can understand why he is still keeping things as no strings, he can't have anything on his record etc if my husband kicks off and so on. When it is all legal and so on, thye think he will change. At the end of the day he hasn't even tried to meet anyone else and things are getting like we are a couple even though we are not. You know the silly things when something happens etc, well he is the 1st person I tell and vice versa. We get on so well and he is a great friend with benefits etc!! We will have to wait and see.
Before you tell me I am being manic again (i agree I was with X), he ticks all the boxes of what I want. He is kind, considerate, gentle, hardworking and so on and he gets who I am. He came round last night even though he was really tired from work, just for a glass of wine and to say hi. It was so hard to keep our hands off each other, but we did it! He's on nights now so I wont see him till next week.
At the end of the day, I am not a girly girl, but I have decided that I want my happy ever after. If that is with him, I would be over the moon, if not, I will deal with it. I know what I don't want and that's a bonus!
Have a lovely weekend and I hope I hear from you. x
Hello, its been ages.
Car has been sold, well my own car has. I ended up keeping H's car. Long story but hers was better value in the long run. I have not had any contact with her in wel over a month. I must admit though that i am still hurting about it all, although i accept the postion.
Memories haunt me, and make me feel my throats been cut at times. Just a sad ending i guess!
other than that i have made a friend who is a wpc, yes a lady police officer. just getting to know each other really at the minute, she has two grown up daughters.
Shifts make things difficult, so its slow progress.
Glad you are ok and in control, and catch you again very soon.
Hello, yes it has!!
You will still hurt about it though. I can't say I'm hurting over my split but I do have some wobbles now and again and it's me that doesn't want the relationship anymore.
They will for a while and yes you are right, it was a sad ending.
How weird that you have a friend who is a WPC - dont you think that's slightly strange that we both have friends that are in the force?? I think it's good karma. We have been there as a support for each other and this is now our reward - haha! What shifts does she do? MIU does 6 on and 4 off.
I know I am okay but in control now theres a question, haha. I am in a good place at the moment and that's all I can ask for at the moment.
I hope you have has a nice weekend and I hope I hear from you soon.
Hello how are you today?
Been a week since i posted last message and its just mad how much my mind is jumping from one emotion to another. My police friend is on the same shift patterns, but its not really working for me.
K is still very important obviously so i also need to fit him into it all. Just a lot of juggling, i also think that the attraction is not really there. I will be kind and honest with her when i do see her next, i am just not that into her i guess.
When i met H i fell for her instantly and i guess thats now what i need to do to move on. I need an instant attraction. I miss H more than ever at the moment, but i am putting that down to the time of year, xmas! Its was also her birthday last week which i could take no part in, plus the time of year when we met. Lots of anniversaries im afraid.
So i am not in a good place mentally really. But its good to share these thoughts with you. Its been a long and painfull year alround really. With a couple of summer months of hope in the middle! Those few weeks really haunt me now also, but i do not regret trying to make things work, my heart still believes that there was love to be had!
Well there is no solution really is there, getting in touch with H wouldnt help, would it?
Thanks again and speak soon.
Hi, I'm fine thanks, how are you??
Sorry to hear that it's not working out with your WPC, you do get used to shift patterns after a while. Have you decided to end it now?? Of course K is the most important thing, my kids are always my first thought. You do manage to juggle things around.
I know what you mean about instant attraction, I felt that when I met MIU but not when I met my husband. I only went out with him just for fun, the attraction came after.
Share all you like, you know I'll try and give you an honest point of view. I quite agree, it has been an awful year really, like you I have gone through a lot of shit but I'm happier now. I hope that 2011 proves to be a better year for us both. You have nothing to regret as you really tried.
NO IT WOULDN'T HELP = do not contact her!!
Yeah speak soon
You are right, anniversaries will make you miss H and especially coming up to Christmas
Hello, sorry i missed you on here. Just an hour behind!
H text me today, i knew it would come! she is after a few bits out of the loft. I replied with one text thats all, told her i would sort the stuff.
So life goes on, drifting along!
Yes me and the cooper are just mates now, was never going to work. It just never had the real spark, i know the feeling as i said in my last post!
The anniversaires definately played a massive part on my feelings last week, and the begining of this. But i was sort of expecting the text from H about the stuff she wants and i suppose that its unfinished business. Its only xmas stuff and a couple of coats.
I do still have deep feelings for her, i never realised! I suppose that i always will, i believe she has some for me somewhere.
Any other advice?
Mark
Sorry, I haven't logged on for a while.
So has she got her stuff then?? Did you see her?? What's happened??
If there is no spark, then you are right. Nice to have mates around you.
You will have deep feelings for her and her you. You can't spend all that time together and not have. It isn't like you went off with other people and so on.
Hope you are ok.
hello, had a bit of a tough time this week as i said in my previous post. h was in contact on monday only in text to tell me she would not be getting her stuf cause of s. being ill and the weather. So thats stll tio be collected.
I fell into the trap of calling her, we had a brief conversation and only about the stuff, i asked if they were ok and if she was working, She isnt!
After the call i felt so deflated cause it made me think about it all again, like it was yesterday!
I even looked at her facebook page, which i am removed from obviously. I was on a downer and sent a message with a video of a song she loves and a message telling her i still loved her.
She replied to me later telling me to stop sending messages.
I showed weakness! Doh!
But felt better for getting it off my chest, then i looked again at her picture on facebook, she looks older and ill, the sparkle is not in her eyes.
That image seemd to also change my mind set. She is suffering like me i guess, life is indeed hard and strangely it made me feel better. i know i can not change things, and there will be no fairytale ending for us.
So now i am trying to get myself excited about christmas, and so far i am losing. usually got tree up by now and lights everywhere, Even a tree out the front, But nothing not a thing!
My neighbours will wonder whats wrong with me!
Hope you are ok, try to keep popping in, speak soon
Mark
Just a reminder not to use names of family members. You sound a bit down. Christmas and the run up to it can be difficult for people who are seperated from their loved ones. As you've experienced there is a lot of support offered here. Keep popping in!
Esme, sorry abot that, popping in is what i do. You are right about feeling down, but i know that many orher people in the world are less fortunate than me, so i try to be rational.
Crisis and i have been in and out of this thread all year, its a shame this site is so slow and under used.
Hi Mark,
Sorry I haven't been on sooner.
What have I told you about texting, let alone sending a video message?? How are you feeling now.
Have you managed to pick yourself up from this? As you say you felt better for looking at her picture and she doesn't look like she used to, I wonder if now you are feeling sorry for her.
I put the outside lights up and the tree yesterday so it all feels quite Christmasey in here.
How is K?
Well I was doing really well until about Wednesday when X sent me a text message saying he was still in love with me and missed me and wanted to see me etc. I haven't seen him since September. We only talk when I am at work and texting outside of that stopped as well. I ended up telling him about MIU. He was ok, but then again he has no right over me so tough really.
MIU have been getting on really well and we have been seeing a bit more of each other and so on.
My dad called me yesterday to say that my husband called him asking if I have been seeing MIU?? Oh god!
My dad said no- of course he's my dad.
MIU was saying just deny everything and say that we are mates etc that have a chat and have a cup of tea with each other. I feel down in the dumps now and wonder what he actually feels about me as a person. He said to tell my husband he had a 'bird'.
I don't know maybe I am being sensitive. I just thought he may have thought more of me than that. Maybe he is embarrased of me even though he likes me etc. I may say something to him later.
He text me after work today and he knows I'm a bit off. He said we'll have to be more careful. So he doesn't want to change what we do. I think it's me now. I would like to go out and about with him but I know he doesn't want that. What do I do?? There is nothing I can do though is there?
Then I have a friends husband coming onto me and saying that he liked me the first moment he met me and that he would love to be with me just once! You can guess what I said - it ended in off! At the moment I feel like I am just a sex thing. I have feelings and I am a really nice person - despite the affair etc! That was my one wrong move.
So I am back to being quite miserable and not really knowing what to do. The thing is, I really like MIU - a lot!
Help - AGAIN!
Me x
Have you had a good weekend
Hi, looks like your getting caught in a web of lies! the season of good will has got a grip on you as well!
just like it has me, i am up and down lke a yo yo. feeling fed up then trying to be positive!
Honesty is always the best policy, less trouble in the long run.
This is just a quick message, but lets make a pact to keep in touch more often.
Ill check in every day and you can tell me how you are.
It does indeed. I have told MIU what has been going on and he said I should have told him. I have had a few things that have been awful, so I decided I would tell him. I said to him that I felt like a dirty secret and he said I am not that at all and that this is a difficult situation.
To be quite honest with you I am really F**cked off and I haven't felt like this in a long time. I know I only have myself to blame.
Yes I agree, lets make a pact to check in daily. I think I need it at the mo!
Hope you are okay x
Well here i am, your problems are difficult to advice on, it really is down to how you really feel. Is miu really being straight with you, or are you just his dirty secret. like the guy at work, who started all this off.
I suppose its down to your strength to be in control. Hope christmas is goingto be a good one for you and obviously a better new year.
Meanwhile back in my life, its business as normal. One day the same as the last. Still struggling to be on my own, A Single! H came and got her xmas decorations and a couple of coats out of the porch yesterday. She had text to ask me to find them about 3 weeks ago, as i told you i think.
Well she must have come and got them in the day whilst i was at work. There was no message or text. So life goes on....
I am in touch with a girl in Blackburn, through facebook. Nothing in it just a chat friend, she has been through it this year with relationship problems, she has helped me, i have helped her, not unlike we have tried to help each other. Its such a shame, she was doing really well and helped me feel better, but then her ex got to her again and now she is down in the dumps again. He is a shit. But hopefully today she will regain her control again.
Its mad how it goes, i was ok in october and even dated for a week or two. But then November and anniversaires of meeting H, her birthday and so on, just threw me.
i had got into a sexual relationship as well, and it was not good. But i dont think that was me, that was partner. Maybe too much info there???
But anyhow all meant for confusion, and i am only recovering now, but still keep my eye out for a potential new love. Just feel the need to be with somebody!!
So what do you think? Oh yes still not inspired to decorate.
I know how I feel but it quite clearly isn't reciprocated! That much I do know.
I asked if I was his dirty secret and he said that I wasn't at all and it was just a difficult situation. To be honest with you I really can't be arsed anymore and am really fucked off to say the least.
I can't wait for this year to be over. Not sure about Christmas yet as we are 'ALL' spending it together.
It will get easier on your own and I wouldn't bother conacting her again, she quite clearly has no respect for you. Not even a thank you for leaving the stuff out? How rude.
I am glad you are contacting peope and having a bit of fun.
I will log on later as i am in a really bad mood so not my usual self.
Sorry!
Hey no problem, at present time i would not contact her again. I sort of know my place in it all.
Rude to not contact me, or was it just scared to have to talk to me. I remember that i felt bad when i used to have to talk to my ex wife, used to hurt plus piss me off. I think she just thought there was nothing to say. I think she was most likely surprised by my lack of decorations cause she knows i usually have them up long before now. Most likely got her thinking! I hope she feels quilty for sending me around the bend!
I hope you have calmed down, maybe you are being used a bit by MIU but thats for you to decide.
Speak soon . x
Afternoon,
I'm glad you wont contact her, you only go 2 steps back when you do.
Maybe she didn't want to have a heavy conversation and be on her way. I don't know!
I hope she feels guilty too! Get those decorations up though.
Yeah I have calmed down. I don't think I am being used. It has been clear from the start and it's me as I want more. He keeps texting me asking if I'm ok. I am being quiet and not my usual self. We are going to be out in the same place tonight which is the 1st time since the summer. That will be weird. Will have to see what happens really.
Speak soon x
hello hope all went well tonight on your night out. I bet christmas is at the back of your mind and what being all together will bring!
I think she doesnt want to talk to me cause she knows as well as i do it opens wounds. I am damaged by all this i know. She pretended to be strong and right about the split, so that has to continue in her head.
The truth is she is most likely striken with the debts and pretty annoyed with life! I might be used in conversation as the reason, but the truth is as she knows in her heart, that that is not the case. I was there for her until she disgarded me altogether.
No, no more contact from my end.
Speak tomorrow, or if not Sunday definately.
Morning,
I had a good night on Friday, he wasn't out as his mate got stuck in traffice. I went round to his for a glass of wine before I went out as I felt guilty for being offish in the week, so that was nice.
As the kids were due back at lunch yeaterday he invited me round for a cup of tea so that was nice and then he came round mine last night. It's not all about sex and that's what make it even more confusing. My best friend and I were talking about it yesterday and she can't work it out. She was saying you are basically a couple without going out. If something is no strings then you don't contact each other everyday and say goodnight to each other everynight. See why I am confused??!!!
I think H is right in not contacting each other. Maybe when the hurt has gone, and it will go, you can have a chat and so on. She has got herself into this mess and she is the only one who can get herself out of it. You have nothing to do with it and if you do come up in conversation as a reason, she is not a very nice person in my view.
Have you got your decorations up yet?
Have a good day and I'll log in later
No no decorations, dont think it will happen this year. they hold memories of us creating them. We made these wonderfull garlands full of ballbals and tinsel, they are brill. But just cannot see the point in them this year.
I hope its just a one off and next year this one will be a less painful memory.
Your relationship with MIU will never be complete until you resolve your marriage properly. No closeure, still hanging on! Not unlike my feelings a few weeks ago.
Speak soon. x
That's a shame, hopefully they will be up next year and you will look back on fond memories and not misery.
I have no desire at all to be in my marriage and am waiting for my husband to reply to my solicitors letter. I am so over it and I haven't missed it at all. In my eyes it's done, just the legal bits now.
I really don't understand men and hope that things go one way or another wityh MIU and it does my head in!!
Bye for now x
Yes indeed, men are odd creatures, as are you girlies!
Well I have been having a great time at the mo - NOT.
One of my friends has told my husband about MIU. He knows too much for it to be a coincidence. He called me on Monday night and said I know about you and ?? I said there is nothing to know. To be honest with you he was actually ok about it. I said I wasn't seeing him - that's true as we don't go out. He asked if I had slept with him and I said no as in my mind I haven't slept (as in sleep) all night with him so that was true too. I was so glad he did it over the phone. He was saying he was disappointed in the fact that I hadn't told him and that he understood that I need to get on with my life. He also said he liked MIU as he is a nice guy, good job etc and if he could pick anyone to be in our kids life, he would pick him - what the f**k!
I just didn't admit to anything as I needed to talk to MIU first.
I texted him and he said not to say anything. I now know where I stand. I them sent a massive text saying that even though I know we are no strings but I wasn't prepared to continue. I said all or nothing and I knew the answer would be nothing so therefore our 'thing' was over.
He texted me yesterday saying he was sorry but he wanted to talk through things, we have yet to have this conversation.
We didn't really contact each other and then he texted me in the afternoon asking if I was ok and then said sorry. I asked why he was sorry and he replied saying that he was trying to give me space but was fidning it difficult.
My husband asked to see the kids yesterday and then stayed while they had their bath and went to bed.
I said to him I knew why he was hanging around and that I was not going to say anymore. He kept on saying he knew and he was more upset that I hadn't told him. I nearly did but I need to have a conversation with MIU first. I will ask him round tonight as the kids are at their dads.
I want to tell him a truth in part, but at the mo MIU said not too. We need to have a proper talk first and I'll then decide.
I don't know who has told him and to be honest I don't want to, more fool me for telling close friends parts of my personal life. I have learnt a valid lesson and will not be so trusting. My husband said its a close friend of mine but wont tell me who.
I feel really shitty and know I only have myself to blame.
Things can't get any worse - I hope!
Hope you are ok and I know you are going to tell me off - I KNOW I ONLY HAVE MYSELF TO BLAME!
Well your right, go back to the very first post in this epic thread, look at what you said about affairs and how you felt.
I personally think you are going at your life from the wrong angle, your friends may support you cause they are exactly that. "friends" But in the end somebody amongst them feels for your husbands feelings in it all.
Throughout this year you have gone from one disaster to another with affairs of the heart. the sadest story of them all is that you no longer want to be with your husband, yet you continue to include him in holidays and visits. you nolonger live together, yet still you haver not resolved the position with him.
He now finds out that you are involved with MIU, who is a neighbour, is that right?
He must be so hurt by all this! Maybe he deserves the hurt for not being a brilliant husband over the years and a leson has been learned there for him. But perhaps its time to be straight with him anbout everything.
You have had affairs with two men since i met you on here, are you really happy? I do not think so! Are you satisfied that things will get better? I do not think so.
The only certainty is that MIU is just another complication. He is timid about coming out! Why?
Cause you are still married thats why, the scandal!!!!
Perhaps its time AGAIN to stop and begin to deal with all the deceptions! Get that divorce, get rid of MIU if he has not got the balls to be with you publically. Be alone with your kids for a while, go without a man!!
Its possible you know!
I am waffling abit, but you need a good shake. i would like to think that you really are a loving and honest, caring woman. But just look at yourself in the mirror, this year has been a disaster for that opinion of you.
I hate saying some of those things because i do not want to offend you, you have said many kind words to me in my year and helped me when i have felt low sometimes. So please do not fall out with me.
Its a shit time of year for this sort of stuff, its a time for togetherness and love and smiles. So just try to think hard about what you do next, and try not to avoid the inevitable. DEAL WITH THINGS, then get on with a happier more settled, honest life! No more lies, or fibs!
Sorry xx
The reason that I included my husband on the family holiday was because I had already booked it before we split up. I, like my husband, come from split families and we no how important it is not to use the children as a weapon against each other. We both feel it's important t spend time together as a family. My youngest is only 6 and they enjoy spending time with us both.
I have resolved where I am with him, I have made it clear that we are over, I haven't suggested for one moment since April that I have regretted us splitting up and I have put in for a deed of separation as we can't get divorced until 2012. I have dealt with that so please stop saying I haven't. In all of this, this is the one thing that I am sure about.
I know I haven't been an angel and I haven't yet spoken to MIU so I am not sure what his take on it all is yet. He told me he wants to have a chat about things but not sure when we can. He is nervous about us being caught out. He is well aware that I am married and in his own way he is trying to protect me as he has seen instances of domestics in his job. I hope he will have the balls to come out, he is still contacting me the same etc. He is coming round tomorrow as he has got me a present and i have got him one too. He is on lates so my husband will have gone by then as he wants to be here to put the kids to bed on Christmas eve.
I really don't know what the answer is and I am a nice person and have just had a bad year. I will never tell my husband about X but will tell him about MIU once I have spoken to him. I know that he accepts that I will move on and he is OK with it and says if had treated me better he wouldn't have to know about me and someone else. I really dont want to hurt him anymore and there is no way he would find out about X anyway. He would have kicked off big time and gone round nextdoor to have it out with MIU but didn't, so I believe him when he says he wont say anything to him.
I will see what MIU says and then will have a better year next year - like you!
I wont fall out over this as you are giving me your honest opinion.
Thanks xx
Glad you are happy that the husband and marriage position is sorted. i accept what you are saying.
The MIU thing is just another thing thats troubling you though. If youe husband has accepted you are in a relationship with MIU then Miu should have no problem joining you in an honest open relationship which can be more settled and give your kids a chance to get used to a new man around you.
They are very important as you well know and your deception is from them also remember.
Things will get better, they cannot be any worse. I think this year is now officially the worst of my life so far! that includes the year i spent battling my ex wife when she left and had affairs so thats a big statement from me.
plus it shows how much i loved H.
speak soon, merry christmas x
I'm glad you accept what I am saying about where I am with my marriage. Out of all of this, that's one thing that is true.
I quite agreee that the MIU thing is troubling me. We still haven't spoken about it, he said he had somethings to say on the matter. He is coming round my house tonight after he comes off shift as we both have presents for each other. I am really at a loss of what to do. My initial feeling is that if he wanted this out in the open, now would be a time for it to happen. My guess is he doesn't otherwise wouldn't have he been round like a shot. Or is he protecting the feelings of my husband?? I have no idea. He is the same, if not more attentive to me at the mo. I just don't know and it's making me feel miserable. My kids know him anyway as he lives nextdoor. I would keep a new relationship from the for a while anyway as I would want to know it would work before they say hi. They are young and I feel I am protecting them not decieving them.
I quite agree, things can't get much worse. Have a drink tonight and I will raise a glass to you and have happy thoughts that you will have a great year next year, roll on 2011 and leave the misery of 2010 behind.
It does proove how much you loved H although that was pretty obvious from what you put yourself through trying to get her back.
Have a good day tomorrow and will log on in a few days.
Merry Christmas xx
Yes you enjoy your xmas, hope your kids have a ball.
Next year will indeed have to be better, for us both.
will speak after christmas and before new year!
Hi, how was your Christmas?
Mine was ok and the kids had a great time. I am now itching to take the cards and tree down but will wait.
MIU came round on Christmas Eve and we had a really nice although he didn't say what he anything about what had happened.
He came round last night too and I pushed the issue and basically I said what's worse, the fact I have kids or I am married. He said he isn't bothered that I have kids and that mine are great (they are), it's the fact I am married. I also said I felt that I was getting in the way of him finding someone and he said he wouldn't meet anyone while he was seeing me and that you never know what will happen. What does that mean?? Am I being a typical woman and reading too much into things?? I really don't know. My mum said just to be patient.
Did you see much of K over Christmas?
What are your plans for NYE?
I would say that he is a good guy, but has issues cause you are married in law! Thats perhaps part of it. Do women read too much into things?
Christmas has been different to say the least, seen plenty of k, he is here now until tomorrow. As you knew already my heart has not been in it, and thats not really changed. No plans for NYE which is today.
Be glad to be rid of this year, not that much changes with the end of a month. I find it hard to stay positive sometimes if i dwell on things too long. Its such a shame cause thats just not the real me!
Anyway keep in touch and have a good day, see you in the new improved year!
Happy New Year.
He is a good guy and I think that what makes it so hard. I took the kids to the cinema on Friday and he said he would have come with us although neither of us wanted to deal with the aftermath of my husband finding out. I wouldn't have done that without sitting down and having a chat with him before I introduced anyone into their lives. I know they know him but it still would be strange for them. Then he said he wished he could come round to a cuppa whilst they were still up?? I am not brave enough to have that big talk yet.
I know how you feel about getting rid of 2010 although mine has been estatic as well as unbearable.
I didn't see him yesterday and when the clock struck midnight I was quite gutted, I need to sort my feelings out.
Come on it's 2011 and stop dwelling on the past, what's done is done and there is nothing you can do to change it.
Yes women read too much into things - always. They are lying if they say they don't!
Speak soon x
Welcome to the new year, see what it brings eh!
So far its business as usual. When the clock struck midnight i was just chilling with Kyle. It was fine!
So far into the new year, i have a few lady friends on a dating site, but nothing more than mailing so far. So its a case of being paitent and see where that takes me. Its a funny time of year winter, so much stops and we all go indoors. I was doing that in August!!
Hows things then, has anything resolved itself or is it all still a bit limbo. Have you introduced him to kids as your BF yet.
How old are your children?
Right speak soon,
Yeah great, I am still as miserable as sin and need a good kick up the back side. I can't seem to get myself out of it.
That was a nice way to see the New Year in. Mine didn't make it I'm afraid! They are 8 and 6.
What dating site do you go on? It's good you are mailing some lady friends!
I am still in limbo and I feel that I am being sensitive and really going backwards. I am really miserable to be honest.
He's not my BF so I haven't introduced him that way to them. They speak to him anyway when they see him as we live next door!
You ok?
I am ok yes! i am on match.com. its ok.
Ok is such a popular word in my vocab at the moment. That and "i guess", funny how they sort of some up my state of mind.
Everythingis normal, whatever that is? Plus nothing i say is more than a guess cause i am never certain i am saying the right thing.
But as i said i am ok. You though seem to be going through a down period. you like me want a more certain future and want it now. But life is never that simple, its a journey. It seems that you want many questions answered and there are none!
Like me you have to carefully look forwards and not rush to get there, even though you long to get there.
Have a kick up the backside! BOOT.
Glad you are ok.
My friend is on there and she keeps trying to get me to do it - not right now although I have had a sneaky peak.
Apparently plenty of fish is free, my friend also told me about that one too.
I'm am glad things are as normal as they can be and you do seem to be happierish if you know what I mean?? I am really glad and feel it's your time now. You'll get there, I just no it.
Yes I am going through a down period at the mo, I will be ok as I usually bounce right back. I haven't seen MIU yet, he had 2 night turns to do so has the weekend off. He is going out with his mates as he hasn't been out with them for about a month. I'm hoping we'll see each other at some point. I really miss spending time with him.
Thats for the BOOT, well and truely needed!
That was a well deserved boot. I had a bit of luck on the site, and got chatting to a really nice girl.
Will see what happens eh, have not seen a picture, but have spoken to her on the phone and she seems really nice and have alot in common with her. See hoe it goes eh!
speak soon.
How's it going with the really nice girl?? I am hoping you are getting on well.
How's your weekend going?
Help me! I am in such an emotional mess and i really don't know what to do. I tried pounding it out on the treadmill this morning but that didn't work.
In short, here goes.
I haven't seen MIU since the 30th, he's been training and working. He's on rest days now so I thought we might see each other last night if he didn't go out with his mates. He didn't and we didn't see each other.
I got a pit pissed off and sent a message saying that did he want to stop things and I am at home and so is he and we haven't seen each other. He rplied saying that he has been thinking loads recently and he really likes me a lot but is confused and doesn't know what to do.
What he's getting at is that he had no problem that I have kids, he just has a problem with my ex husband. MIU wants to meet someone and have kids etc. I have already said that I would have one more but I am getting on a bit and that wouldn't happen for another couple of years anyway. He said that he didn't want to meet anyone whilst we were seeing each other as he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. He is not sure whether to take a risk and come out in the open or stop things with me. He says he really likes me, we have a great chemistry and we get on really well and have a laugh.
I am really emotional as I really like him to. I could so easily fall in love with him. I really dont want to lose hom but he's not mine anyway.
He keeps saying that he wants to talk to me and I said that everything has to come out in the open once and for all.
He's text me as normal today and then just keeps sending me X's which does my head in. I am trying to be normal but I just can't. This really hurts.
Ahhh! Mess again.
Thanks
Me xx
Oh no, i am sorry. Your being messed about in short!
This guy is a neighbour and obviously knows your husband, now that alone is one problem. He likes you alot and knows about what comes wih you. I take it he has nobody in his life, living with him!
Its a case here of him getting worried about how your husband will see things, he also knows it will be difficult and complicated. He is questioning if he really needs all that!
You say you could easily fall in love with him! Are you not half way there already? I think so!
Its perhaps literally too close to home, as the saying goes! For MIU that is!
i really feel for you, you just want to be happy. As we all do.
Where are you in the separation stakes, has your husband done his part? Has he accepted its ended, and does that help were MIU is in it all?
If your husband knew you were seeing MIU how would he take it? Thats the big question, cause thats whats bugging MIU.
He does not want to be seen as the bad guy, and in some ways thats exactly how it will look to outsiders! We do not all know the full story, and people talk. other neighbours will form opinions, as well as friends and so on.
Keep on smiling when you can, you are strong and you may have to write MIu off in the end for everybodies sake. i have said it before and its the same thing. Sort out your marriage, make sure you are happy alone! Then look to find your new life, maybe MIU is just too difficult a task!
I met the nice girl as you called her, she is lovely. Had a very tough life compared to both of ours i'll tell you that much! We have been lucky. lol.
We are meeting again so thats good, see what happens eh.
He know of my husband but doesn't know him. Just hi on the drive is really all it amounts too.
I know he likes me a lot as he has been telling me loads. He is 100% single so don't worry. He has opened up more and is being really nice and he is feeling this like me.
MIU main issue is that I am married. He doesn't care that I have kids and he thinks they are great. It's going to be a case of all or nothing and i have to respect that he needs time to think and make sure he is confident with what he decides.
I asked my ex is he had been to his solicitors and he said he couldn't afford it this month. It's starting to really piss me off now. I don't want to be married anymore and I certainly don't feel as though I am.
MIU isn't and wouldn't look like a bad guy. I have been separated 9 months now and most people carry on with their lives and he wasn't the cause of my marriage breakdown.
I had a really bad day yesterday but am a bit better today.
I'm glad you are finally getting there and I can feel you smiling, that's great and about time too.
Keep me updated
Yes my life is going through a settled period, would not say i am out of the woods. like you i want to feel loved and in love again one day. But its going to be a long and slow journey.
New lady is nice, but i think she has many issues to resolve and that its too so for her to have a relationship more than a friendship. Thats fine with me cause if nothing else we are getting out and helping each other look forward and not back too much.
Keep me informed on yourself
x
Hey i hope your ok?
Hiya,
Sorry been crap again.
You okay? How are things going?
No, I'm not really that good at the mo, I am sick and tired of all of the waiting for MIU to make up his mind.
Last Monday we had a chat and a cuppa and I said that we needed to talk properly and that he needed to tell me what he is feeling and what he is confused about otherwise he will be going round and round in circles not getting anywhere. We had this talk on Tuesday last week.
I said to him on Sunday that as much as i respect the fact that he needs time etc, I can't keep holding on forever and this is wearing me down somewhat. I have been a right mardy cow and I can't seem to kick myself out of it.
Funnily enough I met X the other day and he listened and helped me out which was nice. He still says it's weird seeing me but I am so over that.
So not sure if I should be brave and say stuff it or wait, he is on lates at the mo hence why I haven't seen him.
Confused.com!
x
Well i do not really know what to say to help you really, you sort of knew that he ewas sitting on the fench and there he remains!
Its your call, end it and move on, or wait for him top make an uncertain commitment!
My life is up and down, the girl i met is a lovely person, but there is no romantic spark. She has many underlying problems that stop her being relaxed and has too many secrets. We will be chatting and then she will clam up and not share, and this i find frustrating as even friends need to be open with each other.
So i have decided to keep her as just that, A Friend!
More irons are in the fire and maybe one of those might be hot enough to flatten my trail of ups and downs. lol
Life is still a bit boring and limbo, but one day i'll be sorted again if im good!
Please keep in touch and ill try to help with my words of wisdom.
Hi, how are you? Met anyone else yet?
Well things are the same as well as different?? He still hasn't made up his mind although on Saturday night we were going to go out but his car needed work done so was really expensive and we stayed in and had pizza and I stayed the night at his - shock horror! We have never done that. May have been something to do with the wine but it was so nice to wake up with each other and have a cuddle and so on. He then came round last night for a cup of tea and a chat even though we were both so very tired. I know you are saying he is sitting on the fence and I totally understand why, he has a lot to deal with regarding my life. My friends partner is a policeman and she said all this is very normal! I just wish he would say that he wants to be with me. So I am non the wiser and the mo. Before you say it, this is so much more than sex as we just talk and talk and get on so well. It's all very confusing though and I just wish he would make his mind up! I wont see him this week due to his shift patterns.
Thanks
Hello sorry i have been an age!
Still fishing at this end, although i might be meeting somebody this week, benn exchanging texts and chatted alot online, so see how that goes.
has anything sorted itself out for you at that end?
No worries, I know how it is.
Oooh, so have you arranged to meet someone??
Good question and in a word NO!
MIU and I had the same conversation on Tuesday and it's still not resolved. He's back on shift now although he may come round tonight after he's finished. It's Sat night so I don't hold out much hope.
My 'husband' is taking the absolute piss out of me and said he hasn't got the spare cash to go to a solicitors. I have found out that he has paid up front for a year where he is living - that is £900 per month - WTF?? He also has a personnal trainer at the gym. He was also1.5hrs late picking the kids up last week so I threw all of my toys out of the pram as he decided to go out on the piss the night before he had them. I explained that he had 6 nights a week to do what he liked. I am just so pissed off at the mo.
I said to MIU that sometimes I really want to say F off but would always be wondering what if?? Also if he wanted me then nothing would get in the way. AHHHHHH!!!
Hope you are having a nice weekend.
Hello , you ok? What is the latest?
Life ticking over for you or not, i have had a couple of dates but nothing serious.
Drop me a note lets catch up.
Hi, I'm fine thanks. How are you?
Life carries on anyway. Glad you have had a couple of dates, well done for starting to get back out there.
Had a massive argument with my ex about the solicitors chase letter although that seems to have been resolved as he is going to get a solicitor and agree with what mine has said so that's cool.
X keeps telling me he loves me and misses me, it's kind of getting on my nerves now.
Got 2 Valentines cards and red roses from people I have know idea who they are. Wasn't MIU as he got me chocs and wine. Nothing new there so that's about it.
Could have been a double bluff with the flowers, you never know!
Glad things have moved on a bit, take no notice of X.
Things this end are just as frustrating as ever, lol. But i am used to my new routine, and something will fall into place one day.
Just need to kiss loads of frogs, i was very spoiled with H, she was a babe and they are hard to find at my age and around these parts. But i'll keep on looking.
Cannot believe this is approaching a year!
You are right, I will never know!!
I wont take any notice of him. He still tells me he loves me and misses me. I have told him about MIU and how it all makes me feel, but it doesn't seem to change.
MIU and I are still the same. He hasn't made his mind up yet. He went out with the lads on sat night and he texted me loads saying he would rather come home and ended up talking in phone for ages!! Oh well, he hasn't said no though has he??
Glad you are getting used to a new routine and getting on with things. Have you spoken to H at all? How is K?
You will find someone dont you worry.
My husband and I spoke about our separation agreement today and after a few heated discussions, it all calmed down and we have agreed on it so he will go and get his bit done soon. He wants us to be a happy divorced family?!?
No I can't, spooky where the time has gone though.
Hello, its my mums birthbay today. So we are out later.
I feel a bit down really, been putting up with loads of stuff. In the end you get annoyed and frustrated.
My job will chane at some point in the near future, ill still be with the same company, put just have a different role and have to drive further to get there. More stress. On top of that i've felt poorly since the new year, been to the doctors but he cannot seem to see whats wrong. Then there are just the silly things that go wrong at home.
Today its my Virgin television, thats not working at all. My bath has leaked and ruined my kitchen ceiling and just silly stuff! Just gets me down, i realise that my friends are busy getting on with there lives, and mine seems to be endless hours in front of this computer.
All a bit sad, i just need a break! An angel to rescue me!
On the H front, no not heard from her since Dec, and that was just a very quick phone call of 5 minutes in which she just wanted stuff. No substance in the call. That was the last time, and it just upset me again to be honest. She is my past now, and i am just trying to move on. But there lies the problem, i just seem to be bumping along the bottom.
The dating sites are ok, but its hard to get any decent company. The women are either stuck up and demanding, or just plain desperate and odd!
I am a little fussy i guess, i think i am a decent looking bloke and not at all bad for my age, i mean H was 9 years younger than me lol. But its just not happening. The dates have been ok and the ladies nice, but there has been no fireworks for me. I just feel on guard from them a bit cause i dont want them falling for me, if the feeling isnt mutual.
But the search will continue, and you have three to choose from lol.
K is fine, just growing up. He has become a different person since the split, mainly because he can get away with murder when here. Television always has playstation on and he is always in the fridge. Plus there is only me here to please. So its ok for him. His mum has just started to see somebody again so see what happens there i guess, i hope that if i do find somebody special that he will accept them and behave the way he is at the moment.
So how are things with you then, you are on the way with the divorce then. That might help with your own future relationships wherever they may take you. So good luck.
Right any advice you have ill take it, What part of the country are you in?
Hi How are you? Sorry I haven't replied sooner.
I hope you are feeling better now.
How was your mums birthday?
I suppose in one way at least you still have your job, loads of people are loosing theirs. Is it a lot further to travel?
I also hope all of the things have stopped going wrong. I find I go in waves that smething little keeos happening with different things and it tips you over.
You will get there and start enjoying life again.
Anymore dates? I would be fussy too if I were looking. I am decent looking too but just not interested in anyone apart from MIU - he is just gorgeous! Still no further forward there. I am going to tell him that after 10 weeks surely he should know what he wants by now. He has a night turn tonight so hopefully I'll catch up with him at the weekend as he's off.
Kids know how to play us though. Mine have tried but don't anymore, but they are younger though.
We have agreed in principle the Deed of Spearation but he hasn't been to his solicitors yet although he assured me he will. I can't apply for a divorce until next April as we have to do the 2 year thing.
I haven't got much advice at themo.
I am in the South East
well i am glad your in a stable state at the moment. Things are the same here.
Will wriye you a longer message soon. xx
Hi, how are you? Long time since we have "talked".
Hope things are still ok with you?
I am not quite sure where I am at the mo. I decided that MIU and I need a good talk as things still haven't been resolved. I wanted to wait until this week as it's his birthday today.
Anyway I think he knows I am getting pissed off now as he came round mine on Weds and Thurs for a chat and a tea, on Friday after he finished work for a couple of hours for a chat and a tea (nothing physical happened). I saw him out on Sat as he was out with the lads for his birthday and I was out with the girls. I haven't seen him out since July! Anyway, I really didn't know how to be and I was talking about it to my friend. She said text him to say it's strange that we are both in the same place and we haven't even said hello to each other. So I did and within 2 mins he was coming over to say hi. She said he really likes you but obviously has a problem with committment.
Anyway I had said about going out to lunch today for his birthday and he said he would let me know once he knew what his family were doing. We actually went out for lunch today. I thought we would go somewhere quiet where noone could see us, but no we went to a local pub and sat in full view of everyone! He also came round mine last night and is coming round again tonight. Can you see why it does my head in?
I am going to talk to him this week, he's not back till Friday. He is so frustrating!!
xx
Yes all very frustrating for you, but i think your friend is not far wrong!
But the committment is down to your past and the fact he is a neighbour and your exhuband and so on. All vey close to home!
See what happens, i dont know if there is any advice to give!
my life is still full of ups and downs, still spend too much time on my computer. Have little social life other than with family.
Its my birthday this week, on friday, yes April 1st
On the ladies front, i have nothing to report.
catch up soon,
xxx
Hiya
Did you have a nice birthday? How are you?
Sorry not been on here in an age. It's a year since I posted my first messgae - how weird and how quick that year has gone.
Me in brief - kids are ok, husband still hasn't gone to the soliciors. X and I are just friends, we hardly ever talk anymore though, t's good. MIU - still the bloody same! Had a big chat about it all agian last week and I feel we are nearer to 'coming out' than not. Hopefully it will be sorted soon.
Have you been on any dates?
How's K?
xx