Trust Must Be Rebuilt
i was getting ready to propose to my girlfriend, but I got scared. Commitment is terrifying. Instead of simply discussing it with her, I sought help from her best friend. Instead of telling me how good of a person she is and how great we would be together, he told me nothing but bad things about her. He is a gay man and was telling me all about how awful of a person she is. He also came onto me very strong. I should've have taken this as a hint to stop associating myself with him, but instead I continued to seek him out. My emotionally fragile self in this time in my life told me that "I might be gay and I don't want to marry a woman if that's not me." Over the course of three days, this guy and I spent a total of 30 mins with one another. We kissed and I did not enjoy it. I now know how little I want other men sexually. Too bad it took me losing the most important person in the world. Upon learning about our plans to marry each other, he decided that he hated the guts out of my girlfriend (his ex-best friend). So, he took screen caps of all of my texts that I sent him in trust, showing her that I was unfaithful. I never once said that I would leave her for him. I never slept with him and the fact that I'm not a gay man, just going through a bout of curiosity, made me think that I wasn't really cheating on her. I never expected to go anywhere with him, I just wanted a friend during my moments of doubt. Instead of reassuring me that being with my girlfriend was the right thing to do, he seduced and betrayed me (devastating her in the meantime). She feels that she can never trust me again, while there is nobody I would rather spend the rest of my life with. I am attracted to her sexually, and love her smile. She is funny, intelligent, and has great taste in the finer things of life. She is strong and independent and I support her through everything. I am a piano player, and she is my muse, the reason I write any music at all. I would do anything to prove to her that she can trust me. I know I have no excuses for my actions and I know I was in the wrong, I just want her back so bad. I'm thinking of proposing with a ring regardless of what happened. Even it is doesn't work, I want her to know that I love her more than anything else in the world. I made a big mistake and really want to make it better, I'm just all out of ideas. Please help!