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Trust Issues from previous Relationship
Ive been with my partner for 2 and a half year and we've been living together for a year. His last girlfriend cheated on him and I know it really affected him badly but because of this, he does not trust me. I hardly go out anymore because of his jealousy and when I do - even though Im doing nothing wrong, he always finds something to get angry about. Last week I went to a concert with a friend and because I went to the pub afterwards for a drink and called him 45 minutes later that Id said I would, all hell broke loose and the argument turned violent. Later when we'd calmed down I agreed that I would try to consider his insecurities more and not put him in the position where he would get worried or anxious when Im out. We arranged to spend a day together on Sunday to make up for the past week of arguing. I made the arrangements and packed a picnic and wanted everything to be perfect but he asked about my night out and I said that while in the pub id sang on karaoke. He asked what I sang and I said "holding out for a hero" and he went mad! I couldnt beleive it. He said that's not a appropriate song for a girl to sing when she's in a relationship and he accused me of sending out signals to all the men in the pub that i was single! I tried to convince him that it was just a song and that there was no meaning in it but he cant see that. A nice day out turned to a nightmare. He said he feels like I always have fun when im with my friends but not when im with him. Yet, whenever we go out (including sunday) he always causes some argument over nothing. We've been on so many nights out/weekends away where he's spoiled them by getting angry over the most trivial of things. I wish we could have some good times together too but no matter what I do, something always upsets him. None of my friends invite us anywhere as a couple anymore and they dont speak to him because he's caused so many fights when we've been out (not just with me but with anyone who annoys him). I dont know what to do.
Comments
I can sympathise with what you're going through as my relationship is very similar. My man is lovely the majority of the time but he has issues with paranoia caused from drug abuse in the past. He knows he has a problem but this doesn't stop him causing an argument usually once a month. He often refers to past relationships that hurt him and uses this to explain his current behaviour, but eventually I came to think this a cop out. We've all been hurt and we've all hurt others. I love him but I can't keep treading on eggshells around him and I've told him this. I think you need to speak to your boyfriend and tell him that you can't continue the relationship if he keeps up his behaviour. It's almost like he's sabotaging the relationship deliberately. If the bad times outweigh the good it might be time to call it a day, for your own emotional wellbeing.