Still trying to get over an ex
Basically i was with my ex for a year or so in 2009 and then after a year, he turned round and said he wasn't interested since then we've been off and on in contact, seeing eachother etc.. Up until summer 2011. As bad as this sounds i tried making things work with another guy but i realised it was just rebound.
The reason it stopped in the summer was because we both knew we would be to busy for eachother and we'd tried to many times, i was still up for giving it a go but he adamant it was no. However on christmas eve i had the delight of seeing him and his new girlfriend out and since then i just can't get him out of my head and i can't get over him. The thing is, our relationship was soo bad, a majority of it anyway but i can't understand why i can't get over him still...
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As the front page doesn't show a reply until the second response has been posted, I thought it might help to make a second post. I magine quite a few people check the board and see the counter at '0' and think they haven't received a reply.
There seems to be something between you and your ex that draws you to one another, even though you both know in your heads that the relationship is not viable.
The part of you that is drawn to him is probably emotionally based, and so is not necessarily logical or even rational, and this combined with trying to work out in your head why the relationship doesn’t work, probably explains why he has become "resident" in your thoughts.
My advice is for you to make a clean break, i.e. take the decision that the relationship is over, and break off any contact that you have with him.
When he pops up in your thoughts, don’t start thinking about the good times, remember the bad times, and how you felt during those times. Having switched your thoughts to the realities of why the relationship was so bad, switch your thoughts again to something else, such as how much you love your cat, coffee creams, red high-heeled shoes, or whatever does it for you. Just think about those things that you do have in your life, and how pleasurable and important they are for you.
You say you had a relationship with another guy and it didn’t work out, but that’s not a bad thing, it just wasn’t to be; probably because he wasn’t the right person for you.
Which doesn’t mean that your ex is!
Your ex isn’t your soul-mate, he’s someone you made a rather special emotional connection with, and that can happen again with someone new. But it may not be the next guy that comes along, or the next, or the next – but then it could be any of those: the only way to find out is to go forward with an available heart.
But to give cupid a chance of opening up a new romantic chapter in your life, you need to write the final paragraphs of the last chapter, and close it.
Your ex has been one of the loves of your life, and you may never forget him completely, but given time, you can come to terms with the fact that the relationship wasn't to be a permanent one, and the chapter has come to an end.
But if you keep returning to the chapter, while focussing on the best bits, you will just keep tormenting yourself, and an unfinished chapter can feel like something is permanently missing in your life.
Seeing him with someone else may have come as a shock to you – such things often do. It probably faced you with an aspect of reality that you hadn’t come to terms with. It might even feel like a step back into the past? However, if you see it as a milestone that tells you that you are on the way out of the relationship (at an emotional level), then it could mean: one step back, leading to two steps forward.
One day you will probably look back with fond memories on your youth, and the loves that came and went in your life, but for now, you need to get on with writing the story in the ‘here and now’ so that the narrative can move on.
Good luck with that.
Sky