Categories:

Money, Work, Friends & Family, Getting on Better with my Partner, Making a Commitment

This ones long and complicated,

My girlfriend is totally dependant on me for somewhere to live, food, money and sopport. she is in the middle of proving her right of residency in the uk, which is proving a long and tedious affair. At present she cannot work as she has no evidence of her right to. this has been going on for about six months. she is american by birth but she moved here with family. her family have since moved to spain and she decided to stay in the uk. this all happened before we knew each other.

we have been together for about a year. three months in she started looking into her rights to live and work in the uk and was wrongly give some bad advice and left the uk to see her family in spain and to decide what she was going to do with her life. at this time i was very upset and diddn't want to lose her. i started looking into the subject of immigration and even sought legal advice. i found that she had every right to live and work in the uk and after some discussion and debate we both decided she would come back to the uk to sort out her residency. Part of the complications was that she was unable to work untill the matter was sorted out. I offered to provide her with a place to live etc.... untill she could go back to work.

Now comes the problems, After living together i find that i dont want a life together, i like and care for her but thats not enough. we are no closer to resolving her residency issues, partly because she doesn't bother to do much about it and looks to me for guideance (which i try to give). She has no other place to go, no family in the uk and no friends that are well off enough to support her. she does not want (or can afford to) go back to america. she is really stressed about her situation and i find i have to give her false hope in the relationship just to stop her falling into complete depression. to cap it all i am in love with one of her best friends and have been for some time (before we got together), although i have not acted on thease feelings. The reasons i never got together with her friend was because i have had my heart broken before and was scarred of my feelings so i ended up getting together with my girlfriend as she has a great personality and we got along really well and i thought there was less risk of getting hurt again with her.

I dont know what to do, if i split up with my girlfriend i effectivly ruin every chance she has to hold onto her life in the uk, and im scarred of the consequence a break up will have on here and the guilt i would feel. But i am not happy, i dont feel strongly enough about her to make a life together. im not hanging onto any hope of chances with the other girl but i still feel its not fair on my girlfriend if i have feelings for someone else. As well as the emotion i am finding myself resentfull of supporting her financially as i have had to give up a lot (social life, savings for future etc....). i have no idea what to do.......