Categories:

Sex/Intimacy & romance

Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for a few months now, we're both college students and although I wouldn't exactly say we "live together", I do sleep in his dorm just about every night.

When we were first courting he gave the illusion that he was a very sexual person, and in fact we had sex shortly after our first kiss. Summer came, we Skyped over that time, and became an official couple as the season ended. When it came time for school to continue, all the electricity I had perceived between us did not translate into our sex life. I was often confused why he didn't seem to want to have sex with me more often, and this generated a lot of tension between us. Since the school year has begun, I can still count the times we've had sex on my two hands.

I've heard many excuses, the most relevant ones having to do with his past where he had little respect for women, would have multiple girls on the side in addition to his girlfriends, had a lot of sex and masterbated constantly. He'd frequently smoke weed and drink. Since then, he has converted and his religion doesn't allow any of these things, including premarital sex. He had said how he had a hard time divorcing sex from this idea of vice and debauchery. We talked about how meaningful the sex we had was, though. And I have to say that we both really enjoy the sex we have had, it's so incredibly intimate. After such conversations, it seems like the "dry spells" will disappear, but they don't.

What makes it even more confusing is how he often enough makes a comment alluding to how I turn him on, or that he finds me sexy...but it never goes past that. Today we had another argument regarding our sex life and he explained that he's not the kind of person (now, I guess) who wants to have sex everyday or multiple times in one day and that sometimes he just wants to hold me, not even kiss. He says kissing (anything beyond a few kisses) inevitably leads to sex for him and that's why he is so abrupt and pulls away when we kiss..if we even kiss. He says sometimes he just doesn't want sex because there's just other things he has to do, but I can't help but feel that the reason is poor because there are times when he wants to just watch a movie with me or any other thing instead of sex.

Also, he says he always wants to sleep after sex, so making love to me during times where he has a lot to do isn't an option.

When I try and get close to him, I often feel him push me away and I often wish he touched me more, but since touching my curves or something like that necessitates sex for him, it's a rare occurrence.

I wish I didn't have to feel like the base horn-ball in this relationship, but It hurts my pride as a woman to be rejected like this. I feel like I am a sexy woman, and although I certainly don't place the chalice of up-most importance in a successful relationship on sex, I'd love to explore and communicate my passion to him sexually. I know it's all tied up in whatever love I have for him, because I find myself only wanting him, and being upset because I can't even masterbate since when I told him I did he was actually disgusted that I was doing these things without him, but what's more is that it's hard for me to fantasize about him well-knowing that the passionate man wanting me in my fantasy doesn't necessarily conform to the individual I see sitting in bed and typing on his laptop as I enter the dorm room.

Should I keep on waiting for a strong spark to posses him as it seems to in our infrequent but incredible sex? Am I being ridiculous in wanting more intimacy from him?