Ok, so the bones of it are I have been married for 18 years, 3 teenage kids, Christmas 2008 I found out my husband had been having an affair with my best friend. After kicking off, I laid down the law & we started from scratch again, renewed our vows in 2009. Had a few blips every now & again but just usual relationship stuff.
Then his phone broke & he got a smartphone. He has never been into computers, the internet or facebook or anything but I set it all up for him, showed him how to use facebook & access google, etc. Then a few weeks back he asked me how much data he could use without being charged, if he watched football or whatever on the phone would it use his data etc. I knew that he meant porn as he lies badly & it was just like being thrown back to 2008 again. The following morning I checked his browser history on his phone – meet local hotties etc were regularly accessed. I told him if he wants sex with others then he needs to be honest, I pay for that phone and I am not paying for him to hook up with others & I wanted him to be truthful, he said he was sorry, he was just looking, etc.. He hadn’t signed up for anything – that much I did know was true, I told him porn is porn but looking to meet others is not ok.
He said it was all new & he was just seeing what was out there. This morning I plug in his phone and up pops live sex videos sound & picture, he has no password on his phone, if the kids had picked it up they would be disgusted at him.
He has been masturbating to porn during the day & not that interested in me then in the evening. When he is interested then it’s like he is reenacting what he has watched.
Img Source: itscheating.com
I confronted him & he says he has become a bit addicted – phone bill shows he is logging on to it about 5 mins after he has left the house each morning.
We used to watch porn together, now it seems to be a solo activity I am wondering if there is much point in staying together. Sex is sex, good sex but seems just a physical thing at the moment with no real connection.
Yes, I love him but is it enough, in a few years the kids could leave & it will just be us, will it be then he decides I’m not enough? I have given him the choice to move on if he wants as I can’t stand feeling like this whenever something happens to make me doubt him.
I’m sure I have probably waffled but its all a bit of a mess in my head at the moment. Should I take this porn thing personally? I am not as slim as I used to be (size 12 instead of 10) and there is no way I can compete with some of the people on those clips so I do take it to heart that he would prefer to watch that – alone than maybe something with me.
Anyone had experience of this .. How do I move forward? I had to get hypnotherapy to help with the affair years ago but don’t think that would help now as I have a feeling the porn isn’t going to disappear.
