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Not sure what to do anymore...
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 and half yrs, we have stayed pretty strong throughout, but have definatly had out ups and downs. We have broken up before but never lasted more than 2 days. We have a 4 yr old son together, So we try to work everything out, as best as we can. We have been great for a long time now! No complaints, other than the little arguments that most couples have. But lately everything has been taken a toll on me! He works 2 jobs.... 6 days a week. Mon-friday he works at his 1rst job 6-3 comes home takes a shower, goes to his second job from 4pm-12am then of course comes home and sleeps... saturday he only works from 4-12 but i also work sat from 10-6 So we only get to spend time with each other on sundays... its very hard on our family! also Our son is starting school on less than a week, Its very hard on me.. I've been going through so many things lately all i need is some one to talk to .... but he is never around, i get that he has to work but when he's here its a quick hello, good bye... we dont talk much at all... then when sunday comes around we talk about everything and it ends up being so much bills, family issues, our issues, my issues... we end up arguing. Im very distruat. I'm not a sad, depressed person, but lately i have been so sad, crying all the time. Bc he is my best friend and i can't even talk to him.. i dont have many friends I'm just a stay at home mom most of the week...my friends i do have i can't talk to about these things. So finally we were talking tonight when he got home from work and we got into an argument bc we didn't agree on something, He got mad and didn't want to talk. All i wanted to do it talk about it. I understood his point of view but he wouldn't understand mine. He says i stress to much and i know i do about certain things but thats me and if i try not to stress i stress even more.. So anyways we argued.. i told him how i felt about being sad and depressed and he says that he just needs to concentrate on his work right now, and that he is drained all the time. Well I'm drained too from this relationship! Im a very family oriented gal. It sucks bc I'm not close with my only brother and my mom and i are pretty close but not as clue as id like. My other family lives 10 hrs away! So I'm very family oriented... most of the time its just me and my son... but when he tells me he just needs to c concentrate on his work right now it breaks my heart bc i would rather be poor with a loving family then have a little more money and never see each other... I understand that if he wants to be that person then I'm going to let him be it.. Its his life, but i won't waste my life in the shadows of a workaholic.. when i can be our having fun with my son!
I feel so much better just getting this off m chest! Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)
Comments
I understand perfectly.
But blokes are generally not good at appreciating the little things.
You say you have made sundays family days? When do you have couple time? Could your/his parents babysit on saturday nights so you could have something to look forward to?
If he wants to concentrate on work and be the best provider he possibly can, who are you to demand a change that he becomes more family orientated? He is right to ask for wind down time, but he should not take you for granted in the process.
And also you are a family girl, who is he to expect you to stay out of his way when he is knackered from work you live there too!
Its about managing your expectations.
Some men dont like it when their wives become mothers because they are no longer theirs they become someone elases so they loose interest.
Seems like you both need a bit of breathing space and to stop making demands on each other. look for the positives, why did you fancy him in the first place? Why did he want to marry you? What does he do to make you laugh and so on...
let us know how the rest of your day goes as you were up early posting this!
Hello,
I also understand perfectly. My partner is a chef and works 15 hour days. Goes to work at 8 and doesnt come home until gone midnight. Our only days together are one weekday and Sundays. We also have a child together. I am fortunate enough to be a stay at home mum and most days I stay in as we only have the one car and he needs it for work. Town is walking distance so I try to get out of the house as much as possible.
I know how hard it is for you...your at home all day worrying about bills, money, relationship problems and when you have chance to talk to him you really want to get everything off your chest and have some reassurance from that person. However in reality all they want to do is come home and relax and go to sleep without having any stress. But what do we cause them stress! The more we chat about problems, the more angry and frustrated they become with us. Just creating a constant cycle. Well truth is you need to get out of this cycle.
You may see your partner as a workaholic but I can also see that hes trying to provide for your family. Hes working two jobs to earn enough money to pay bills and allow you to be a stay at home mum to your son.
Now your son is starting school would it be possible for you to get a job weekdays, therefore would take some of the pressure off your partner and you could perhaps both work days and therefore have evenings and weekends together. That way you could have family days at weekends and the two of you could just relax in the evenings. Enjoy each others company, whilst your son has gone to bed?
I completely understand how stressed and upset you are at the moment but I believe its just a phase and even though you want your partner to be more understanding you miss him and want more time together you may need to make the first step and tell him your sorry for stressing him out. You know how hard he works but you need more time together and there must be a solution that would help you both.
On my partners days off all he wants to do is be totally lazy and watch tele all day. I know hes had a stressful week but I also made him understand that we are a family now and we need to do things that are fun together. So we go out in the day sometimes just for a few hours and then when were home he has chance to relax. Sometimes I think its not fair as I have to do all the housework and take care of our childs dinner time, bath time, bed time but then again I chose to be a stay at home mum and thats my job and I know if I really need help my partner would do it for me.
Hope you work everything out.
I guess we have just been butting heads lately.. and I'm not blaming totally him for everything and i def understand that he is providing for his family, trust me I've looked into getting another job during the week when my son is in school, but i can't find any that fit my timing i have to take and pick him up... He has to be there at 8 and i have to be there around 2:15-1:30 to pick him up so i have a very short window of opportunity.. Ive looked at it like that for so long that he is doing his duty and being a good father but providing for us! and i still appreciate it to this day... but it gets very overwhelming. the only days we can have date nights is sunday... which i would rather have family day so our son can spend time with him.. he works every other night. and he wants to be in bed early bc he has to get up early monday morning so its not like we can wait till my son goes to bed and get a sitter. Im still going to try and work it out more.. but i hope he does as well... I have another question, when you can't agree on something, how do you handle it. He wants me to do something, that i really dont want to do.. it results with me taking his sister and her 2 kids to ALL of there appts. Dr.s, dentist, WIC, including her appts. and one of her children have extra needs and has to go to a dr. 30 minutes away. She currently has traportation but he wants me to take her.. i really dont want to bc i have done it before and I'm gone ALL day ( I'm not the type of person to say NO, if she asks me to take her somewhere , i feel bad so i say yes.) and i would just rather not be put in that situation where I'm basically her taxi cab. its just another responsibility put on me. And he insist that would be a good idea and i should do it. when i express that i dont want to, he gets mad and just dont talk to me . he gets very angry.. so that makes me angry. When we get into one of there disagreements should we just not talk about it and figure it out by ourselves.. or try to talk it out. Personally i think we should talk everything out and even if we dont agree on something.. I'm not trying to change what he thinks I'm just trying to get him to understand my point of view also .... His opinion is when we dont agree on something just leave it alone and not talk about it... i dont see how thats going to get us anywhere. Thanks so much for listening!