Need advice for a big decision. end it or not
me and my gf have been together for 5 months now. it has been a very turbulent 5 months though in which 2.5 months in she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. i was there with her every step of the way and although she tried to push me away constantly by fighting with me etc i didnt let her and stayed. she has now been cured and is in remission.
everything seemed to be going ok as she loves me and we were planning our future together. for the next bit i would need to explain some background. i knew her 5 years ago and we had been dating. she was really into me and i said from the outset i wasnt wanting anything serious. so it got to the stage were she wanted serious and i didnt cuz i was joining the army so she was heartbroken.
now this reflects on the current relationship as she keeps saying things like i cant believe i finally have u and she loves me and always had. what happens though is that i can read her like a book. we both have a perfect night or weekend together and then she starts being weird eg pulling away, being distant with texts etc and hardly see her for a few days. this is because shes scared of me hurting her again and ive told her repeatedly im not going anywere but she doesnt believe it.
so she started her new job on monday and she was working to 9pm. the week previous my granda had been rushed into hospital and it looked really bad. they didnt expect him to pull through. fair play to her she was there for me as much as she could be. now she stayed on friday and we had an amazing night. then as per usual saturday and she started being distant again and the same with sunday. i tried to ask her about it and got told i was being silly and there was nothing wrong even though there obviously was. so ignored it. now as i hadnt been getting any sleep and was going back to work on monday i went to bed early. i woke up to text messages such as "i really wish i was with u" "are you awake can i call" she had been nervous about starting her new job and wanted to stay.
i text the next day and told her that i had fell asleep and she was ok with it. we were texting as much as possible that day until about half 7 i had text her to tell her that my grandfather now has internal bleeding and doesnt look like he is going to make it. no reply. to this time today i still have had no reply.
so seems she is back to her old self of playing mind games. i unfortunately can read people very easily and spotted some of the mind games at the early stages of the relationship and didnt play back because i hate them even though i can play them better than she can.
so now my decision is this? cut her off now for good. cut my losses and move on with my life. i have sat and thought about should i text her, it could b something as simple as she has lost her phone and cant contact me but im making excuses for her. she knows my email address and were i live so if she really wanted to contact me she would have. is she really that petty that she would play a mind game on me when all this is going on?
unfortuately i have post traumatic stress disorder. this involves me being able to easily switch of my emotions to not feel or deal with pain or hurt or even love. now when i have been with her i was getting scared of how close we were getting but i forced myself to stay in the moment and enjoy myself with her. but as i said during the cancer we had some major fights and the relationship finished a few times. although the ptsd doesnt have any effect on the relationship i had warned her that if she keeps pushing me away there is only so much i will take and i will switch off and cut u off which i then did. 3 days later she was texting me she missed me and loved me and she was sorry. she must have expected me to come crawling back to her. so is this another test? or do i just do what my instincts are telling me and cut her off for good and just move on and find somebody that wants me for me and doesnt want to play these stupid games to try and mess with my head which unfortunately doesnt work and she still hasnt realised it.
any ideas would be greatly appreciated