my boyfriend works with his ex and when I ask for reassurance he doesnt give it.
I've been going out with my boyfriend for 4 years and living with him for 1 year. I have always had a niggle about the ex that he works with, but it has grown out of all proportion and has started affecting my daily life and his, I am not a particularly confident person but I would say I wasn't a particularly insecure one either. When I have had a bit of a wobble (when I say wobble I mean thought to myself she is an attractive person who is very flirty and was once attracted to my boyfriend and he was to her) I have felt I have needed a bit of reassurance from him to make me feel more comfortable. When I have asked him for some reassurance from him, he doesn't know what to say to me... he just says that he is with me now and that was in the past end of, I don't know why but this doesn't particularly make me feel any better and a lot of the time if I have asked for reassurance and that's all he says it usually ends up in an argument because I don't feel any better about the situation. I can not sort my mind out as to whether I have trust issues with him, or I am insecure or its just a natural thing for me to be feeling threatened by the situation.
Just to put you in the picture a bit more clearly my boyfriend had an affair with the woman at work before I met him, he was single she was not, he sees nothing wrong with this because he was single (so I know he has different morals to mine), she is married and has a child and is apparently very flirty with all of the men there and has had other affairs with men whilst she's been married, recently my boyfriends office had to move and so now there is only the three of them in one office, my boyfriend the woman he had the relationship with, another woman and the boss has his own office.
I have no problems that there is another woman in the office I don't feel threatened by her at all, but I do feel threatened by the woman who has all the affairs and had a relationship with him in the past.
If anyone has any advice as to what I can do in this situation for my own sanity I would greatly appreciate it!