My Boyfriend Relocated to Be With Me, But Our Depression is Ruining Our Relationship
So about two months ago, somewhere around Late July, I met a wonderful man whilst visiting my friend. We had immediate chemistry and quickly fell for each other. He was everything I wanted in a man - we were so similar in many ways. We were both happy and confident. We used to stay up all night just fooling around and laughing, and enjoyed every minute with each other. He lived 100 miles away and we would switch off driving to see each other every weekend. We couldn't wait to talk to each other on the phone ... we'd spend hours talking about nothing. When he looked at me his eyes lit up like I had made his whole day. He'd tell me I was beautiful every day, and would tell me how precious I was to him. Everything we did together was fun, even if we were just going to Walmart.
Lately, I've been having a "quarter life crisis". My career is failing, I'm trying to figure out where to go next with college, my dad is sick, I'm broke, and somewhere in between I've fallen into depression. My boyfriend has also fallen into depression since he relocated to be with me. I know he is having similar problems with his life - not knowing where to go next.
Its like our spark is gone. He doesn't listen to me like he cares anymore. His eyes don't light up when he looks at me, or even when he smiles at me. He said one day "sometimes when you smile at me I just smile back to be polite." We argue daily, mostly because I feel incredibly misunderstood and every time I try to talk to him calmly and find peace he says something even worse to make me feel more hopeless. I miss the man I fell in love with - the person I'm with now is not the same. I even feel like having sex with him is to just get off, and not connect like we used to when we shared it.
I know our depression is feeding off of each other's, and I'm not as fun as I used to be, but his whole mode of communicating with me is different. I miss him like crazy (even though I see him every day) - sometimes I feel like the man I fell in love with was fake and this is how he really is.
I've told him I couldn't do this anymore and that we'd have to change and asked him what he thought he could do better to understand me and all he can ever say is "I don't know." and it drives me INSANE! Sometimes he says nothing. He claims he loves me, but my basic needs aren't being met and I'm starting to feel suicidal because its just too much. I'm not happy.
What can I do?
I just want US back. I know its possible but it feels so far away. Should I take time away from him to get better and come back when I can be what I need to be for him? Is that a bad idea?
Thanks guys <3