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mixed up
About a year ago me and my wife split up following a pretty crapy year which included a miscarriage, I lost my job and a few other things. We spent that year blaming each other for our problems. So I decided enough was enough and left we had no children together so i thought the time was right. After several months apart i started to see another woman and i really liked her but in the end i finished because i did not think i was being fair to her. Then decided to give it another go with my wife. To cut a long story short i cant stop thinking about the other woman. Its bn about 6 months since i last saw her but i think about her all the time. I struggle being intimate with my wife and i know im not being fair to her but i still do love my wife. But why cant i stop thinking about other woman ?
Comments
It's the old adage, the grass is always greener on the other side.
It sounds like you and your wife have had a rough time of it together which won't help things. But, if you truly do love your wife and want things to work then you have to try to forget about this other woman. Everyone has their fantasies, she can be yours, just make sure you don't act on it, otherwise it will not help your current relationship and is not fair to either woman.
You've not really said how things are going with your wife, but if your relationship is still difficult it could be why you're struggling with intimacy, rather than it being that this other woman is the only thing to get you going.
Maybe you just need to shake things up a bit, maybe book a weekend away or even just a night out somewhere different that you don't normally go. Book a hotel room and enjoy being together. If your wife doesn't know how you're feeling it might be trickier, but I always think honesty is the best policy. Tell her how you feel in as nice a way as possible, you don't want her to feel crappy about herself and lose self esteem, as that won't help either of you. Instead of saying you don't really fancy her, just talk about things you'd like to happen between you as a couple. Try not to make entirely about this other woman. Yes, you should tell her you're fantasising about her, but stress that you don't want anything to happen. Tell her that you're struggling with your sex life with her and you want to try new things. Talk about what you both would and wouldn't be willing to do.
Be prepared for her to feel hurt and put out. Imagine how you'd feel if she told you the same thing.
I hope you can work it out
Thanks very much for your comments. I get on great with my wife recently come back off holidays together had really nice time. Just lacks the sexual intimacy. I have tried to tell her but when i left she took it really bad and i dont want to hurt her again. Just feel bit worthless at moment wish i could be the man i used to be with her. Wonder will i ever be happy again. Im scared either way i think scared to leave scared to stay. I do have feelings for other woman. I know that if she finds someone it will hurt. Really wish i could turn back time. Thanks again
You don't sound worthless at all...just going through a life changing patch from the sound of it. It is really scary to allow yourself to love another person fully, emotionally and sexually after the first stage or the relationship...where it is all sometimes much easier. Have a look at some of the relationship insights on this site, maybe you and your wife together and see if it helps you know and understand more about each other...I found this one very good and since then have also used most of the others http://www.oneplusone.org.uk/Index.php. I hope it works out for you.
Is it normal for me to be still thinking about that other person after so long. Pretty much everyday shes on my mind.