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just don't know what to do anymore
I have been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years now and we are both each others first 'real love' so I don't really have any concept of loving anyone else. At the moment we are doing long distance and have been for 7 months. There have been months here and there where we have been apart before and in these times we have had a lot of problems with communication and jealousy but have worked through them but we do not work well apart. We broke up for about a month and a half after 3 months of long distnace this time but sorted a lot out and are better than ever when together. However, when we are apart things are going down hill so fast but only I am really aware of it.
She is REALLY bad at keeping in contact and so frequently appears to 'forget' about me when she is with her new friends. I've tried honestly 100 times to talk to her about this and it is now slightly SLIGHTLY better. (however she also won't call her friends for 2weeks because she's so bad at keeping in contact).
I know she still loves me but she seems to have become really selfish and does absolutely everything for herself. When we are apart she seems so indifferent and in front of her friends she seems almost uneasy when talking to me on the phone and like i'm an inconvenience. But when we are together we are so tactile and everyone comments about how in love we are and we only care about each other.
I'm meant to be moving in with her soon so we won't be doing long distance anymore (we've lived together before briefly and things were a lot better when together) but the thing is, i'm getting so fed up of how she treats me like second best when I'm not there... I don't know if I'm over-reacting (I have a lot of abandonment issues) i've talked to her so much about this but she says i'm overreacting and imagining things. she knows that she has me wrapped around her finger and when things annoy her she will let loose on me but if i say something that annoys me she just says i'm overreacting.
what do i do? i can't work out if this is a relationship glitch because of long distance which i know will either make or break a relationship but i'm fed up of being the only one that seems to care when we aren't together.
Comments
Dear Anonymous
You are wise in recognising you have 'lots of abandonment issues' and that this is affecting how things are with your gf - it sounds like you get very upset when she can't supply all your emotional needs while you are apart. I do wonder how things will be if you move in together, she will probably still want her own "space" at times, how will this be for you? Could you talk things through honestly with her and agree how much she can "be there" for you, this probably won't be as much as you would like, and you would then need to find more emotional support from friends and other family. I wonder whether you have ever had any help with your abandonment issues, would it help to talk to a counsellor, if so see your GP who can refer you, this could be really helpful. Good luck, let us know how you get on.