Welcome!
Use the menu on the left to navigate the site, you might find some interesting advice in the Relationship Forum
Or why not explore the the Relationship advice section
Jealousy of partners past relationship[s
Hi there
Was wondering if anybody could help. Im currently in a relationship with a woman who has recently seperated froma 16 year marriage. We have been seeing each other since june now and has been getting very serious and talk of moving in together when she finally sells tha marital home that she is currently living in. She has had 2 kids with him and totally understand the need to have to maintain contact and being civil with him. This guy has not said the most pleasent of things bout me and has accused me of all sorts behind my back. There is a signifiacant age difference in the relationship. I get on with all the rest of her family which is whats important i guess. My main problem really comes from the paranoid idea that she might want to get back with this guy some day. I have no reason to think this but the thought creeps in nonetheless and makes me feel ashamed that i dont trust her. I just dont feel good enough for her sometimes, i dont have the best opf jobs and am currently looking for another. I also hate it when she talks about ANY of her past that may involve her ex, it really turns my stomach. these are paranoid jealous thoughts that i could do without as i really want this relationship to work and worry that one day i may say or do something that would end. Anyone have any advice?
Comments
I can understand what u r going through as that is the same way that I feel about my boyfriend. My advice to you, which is what I'm trying to do is try to not let it get to you. It's hard. The reason for this is because my other half has called time on the relationship because of my jealousy.
I love him so much and I'm hoping that he will come back.
If you really love her, then talk to her and tell her how u feel, also if it helps try and see someone to help you overcome these problems.
That's what I'm doing, I'm going to get some couselling to help me understand what causes these feelings.
Hope things work out, all the best.
Dear Anonymous
I would agree with the commenter above, this is your issue and not your partner's and it would be great to get some help with dealing with your feelings of jealousy and insecurity as they do undermine relationships terribly. Marriage Care and Relate are both good if you consider counselling, or you can get a referral through your GP. I would also say to both of you, have a look at the Relationship Advice part of this site at http://thecoupleconnection.net/relationship-advice/categories/affairs-and-jealousy where there is some excellent help and support around jealousy. Good luck, let us know how you both get on!
Hi Morwenna,
Thanks for your comment, Ive spoken to my doctor and i have been put on the list for couselling.
im hoping that this will help me, hopefully it will help me to move forward and overcome this problem.
as my level of jealously is very bad.
if he does come back, then im going to try so hard not to let my jealousy ruin things, because if im honest the 2 of us are good together.
I ave started doing things that i like doing to clear my head and get out and about. my jealously stems from my past relationship as i was cheated on, my lack of trust is due to a family member being hurtful towarsd me verbally. they have said some really nasty things to me hence why i have these issues.
hopefully with time and patience i will be able to move on and have the relationship that i deserve whether its with my boyfriend or someone else.
i will keep you posted on the outcome.
Anonymous,
Thanks for your comments, they are very helpful. Its reassuring to know that Im not the only one who has feelings like this bout past relationships. Im doing my very best to keep quiet bout things regarding anyone in her past. The relationship is going really well now. Iv just gotta focus on us and realise that it is me she wants and believe the strong feelings that she has for me. It is hard to to let these jealous thoughts creep in, but it is worth it as I love her so much. I really hope that things work out for you and am truly sorry to hear bout your situation.
Thanks again :-)