Is this the end
I'm after some advice please. My partner and I have a 4 year old and a 14 month old. Our relationship has really suffered since the children arrived. He feels very lonely and as a consequence has turned to bad behaviours, Drugs, Drink and lies.
I know he is a better person than this, but his personality has changed and so has his perceptions. He is going to see Addaction so I know he wants to change but the problem is he actually enjoys getting high, and if I piss him off he turned to that. Its like walking on egg shells.
Its caused us to suffer financially. He's been spending more than he earns as due to me being on maternity we have had to take out an extension on our mortgage to cover it. But he's still drawing out money from the cash machine, for example £10 here and £20 there and from different cash machines 10 minutes apart as if I wouldn't notice, in a few days £120 is missing and he says he spent it on "general shit".
I know I haven't been able to give him the attention he needs, but my attention is used up on both children, I have been back to work 3 weeks now and I work for BA as cabin crew so this means I am away over night. Until 3 weeks ago I was up at least 3 times a night feeding my little girl who I breastfeed. I hadn't slept a full night in 14 months. But he survived on less and less sleep due to being high, and turned into a monster.
He is now doing the childcare at home at night and we have a childminder and nursery, he's now feeling the pressure of looking after 2 children. He thinks I am spoilt because I get to go away and don't have to work all day then come home and look after the children, when I finish a long flight I can go to my hotel room and sleep. This is true, however I am still feeding my little girl so express regularly, but do get to have a little time to myself.
I feel he's making me feel guilty about it. He's been very nasty and hurtful over the past few years, his latest comment being that the kids don't need me and he did fine without me being around. This has had a very negative result for me, I feel like I don't want to work things out with him, why would I when he is so horrible, and I feel I may be better off with out him.
I feel I have become a person I do not like when I try and fight back, my patients have run so thin that I could walk away from him and our 12 year relationship. Surely there is a better life for me one where I am not a victim of emotional abuse? Any advice is welcomed.