Is it too late for us?
My boyfriend and I are both 48 and have been living together for almost three years. He is a god send! He is without a doubt the most wonderful, caring and generous man I have ever known. I have never in my life been treated so wonderfully by a man.
He made a comittment to me and said he wanted to spend his life with me. My life with him is like living a romance novel!
He is divorced and has two wonderful teenage daughters whom I love and admire. The youngest one esp is attached to my hip and idolizes me! I love them both very, very much. My life has been very, very content.
We rent the house we live in and were told recently we have to move by 11/15. Fortunately, I own a home five minutes away however it is in need of a lot of repair and is filled with 44 years of stuff from my deceased parents.
Needless to say, this is causing a great deal of stress between us. On top is the fact that I only work part time and never seem to have enough money and although I don't ask him, he always seems to pick up the slack some where.
He has put a lot of money, time and energy into the house.
He works all day in the city then comes home and works on the house. It is non-stop and he is changing things and making it look absolutely beautiful.
Lately, we have been arguing a lot from the stress and he feels I am ungrateful and do not appreciate him. I must admit, I have been acting that way lately but it's far from true. I am having a hard time getting rid of some of my parent's stuff and it is bringing up a lot of old emotions for me. He is struggling to understand that.
Yesterday he was short fused with me and this morning, he apologized and said, "Babe, I know we are both under a lot of pressure right now, but I'm not going anywhere, I am in this with you, okay. We are just being tested and we are going to come out of this stronger than ever." I was elated!
Then after we ate breakfast, he and a friend were joking around and poking fun of me in a light way as usual but I took it to heart. I admit I have been very touchy lately. Anyway, he went back over to the house to work in the basement and I went over too, worked then confronted him and told him how stupid I felt when he joked with me. I took it seriously and then I argued with him about it.
He said that he had smoothed things over with me this morning and I ruined it by arguing now. We said a few words in anger and he said he was done. He wrapped up all of his tools, a truck load, and said he was done with everything and he left.
The house is not liveable yet and he came back to get his skidloader and told me that he does not expect me to live there like that.
He said he was really angry right now and nothing I said or did at that moment would get through to him. He said he needed to cool off.
A hurricane is coming our way so I went back home to be safe. When he got home, we calmly talked and he asked me if I knew what the problem was and I told him yes. I then went down a list of things that I need to change and how I took him for granted today and I was sorry.
I am a good woman who has never cheated on him, lied to him or hurt him in any way. He said that he did not want me to leave.
He said he was not sure that he wanted this anymore since he feels I will never change. He said he needs time to think about whether he wants this or not. He does love me though. He feels I am never going to change and he doesn't know if he can handle things anymore. He said to give him his time and he will think about what he wants to do about it. He said it will not happen today or tomorrow.
I am sick thinking I might have ruined the best relationship I have had or will ever have. This man took an interest in me and in my home and has changed my life and I acted like a jerk toward him today.
He came up to bed tonight and I asked him if I could put my arm around him, he hesitated and said no. I told him I was afraid (of what might happen) and he told me to go to sleep.
I told him I loved him and he said, I love you too, we just have a lot of things to work out right now.
Other than that, I have not been bothering him. I cannot lay in bed next to him knowing I cannot even touch him. It is killing me.
I am hoping he is just angry and we can make this work.
Please tell me it's not too late and what can I do?