Is it over?
Hi, I am new to this site, but I desperatley need advice from someone about my relationship. We have been together now for just over 2 years, we both have children from previous relationships. It was hard going when we first moved in together, what with getting the kids to adjust etc, but we got through it. I have had quite bad depression, but we found a way through that as well, the thing is, although I love him with all my heart, I just don`t know if we work together any more, we seem to be going in opposite directions from each other. We don`t seem to communicate the same way, there is always some misunderstanding where we end up falling out, and we both become very upset. At the start we planned to get married, I certainly thought we would be engaged by now. I have asked him quite calmly, without any tears, if he has changed his mind about marriage, he always fudges this issue, and won`t commit to marriage, but won`t come out and say a definate "no" to a stronger commitment either, as I said I thought we would be engaged by now.
I don`t know what to think, or what to do. I don`t know why we have the stupid arguements we have, any advice please? Thank you all in advance.
Comments
Dear Catkitaconnie
I am sorry you are having such a difficult time at the moment. I saw your other post feeling anxious about receiving no comments on this one, just wanted to clarify for everyone that the Talk it Out Team will usually wait for the community to respond first (usually they have very good advice to offer as they have often been in the same boat!); also in general we will only comment either if there is a crisis situation or if we can say something that may help all posters on th site, i.e. point of general interest. I intended to comment today but Looby has made an excellent comment above, which is just how the site should work! I would just confirm that counselling may well be helpful, you can find Marriage Care at www.marriagecar.org.uk and Relate at www.relate.org.uk. ; Also there is some very good stuff on the Check it Out section of this site - see http://thecoupleconnection.net/articles/categories/11 for help with "Getting on better with my partner" and http://thecoupleconnection.net/articles/categories/5 for help with "Bringing up children together". Good luck with the way forward, I hope you are able to talk honestly with each other to find a way forward.
Hi, How long did you leave it before you moved in together? As you have only been together 2 years do you think you may have jumped the gun and moved in with him before you really got to know him? I know the saying if you think its right why wait but a lot can be said for why rush into living together?
You both need to find a way to come together. I think that he is taking it for granted that you will always be there for him and hes got comfortable with the status quo. You say you love him with all your heart so surely its too soon to think about throwing in the towel.
Is he the sort of person you can sit down and have a conversation with about your feelings or is he a bit like neanderthal man? You need to be able to communicate with him, maybe some outside help from relate or marriage care.
Please dont even consider marriage until you have sorted out your worries. Take care, looby x