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Is he still into me?
Hey there,
I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now and things were great. We talked about getting married after I finished school, we made plans about living together, and we would always go out on dates with each other.
Recently, things have been different between us. I feel like he enjoys hanging out with his friends more than me. He sees them at least 5 days a week in between school and work. I'm saddened to say that the last time we went on a date was back in July to see "The Dark Knight Rises". He's always busy doing something and it doesn't seem like he has time for me. Although, he's content with the time that i do see him, even though we're not alone together. I brought this up to him and he says is: "it's easy to hang with the boys because they're not picky with what we do". He's referring to me not liking sports. However, I don't know if he's seeing all the effort I put into trying things he likes. I don't like volleyball, basketball, sport kite flying, racquetball, or dancing. But those are the things he loves. I've been putting a lot of effort into trying these things, but I'm being honest when I say that I don't have any fun at all. I like swimming, hiking, and going to the gym, but we can't find a convenient time to do any of that.
Furthermore, we have different ideas on what it means to spend time with each other. I like going out on dates and having that one-on-one time with him. I would want to go out at least once a week with him, but it's extremely hard us to find time. He's so busy playing with his friends! He, on the other hand, thinks that me going out with him and his friends or sleeping over is sufficient. As long as I'm there he feels like we're spending time together. I feel the total opposite! I asked him if I literally need to be penciled into his schedule for us to go out. We've talked about going out on more dates a lot(even got into an argument), and I don't wanna sound nagging... Every time I try to schedule a date for us, we're out for a couple hours but then he sees his friends after. I like his friends, but why do they get all of his time? Why do I have to plan all the dates? Is he tired of me, therefore finds excitement and fun with his friends? Is he at a point in his life where he's ready for a serious relationship? Please help, I don't know how to handle this...
Comments
If you read back what you have written,it seems like you have very little in common. In the early 'romantic'phase of your relationship, this probably didn't matter very much. It may be that he isn't at the stage of wanting to commit to a long term relationship yet...so he does not recognise the need to accommodate each other if you want your love to deepen and grow. Or it may be that he does not know how to be more emotionally intimate ...which seems to be what you are looking for. If you really want this relationship to work..you are going to have to accept him as he is....it is only through acceptance and approval that people change.....the only person you can change directly is yourself. It may be in the light of this you might decide to review your own commitment to the relationship. What do you think?
I think some if what you say is true, and I have taken it upon myself to change. at this point, I'm willing to do anything he likes. I haven't been picky and I jumped into some of the activities he enjoys, btw this was with his friends also. I even found myself enjoying it.. But now the remaining problem is us having alone time together on dates. He's always busy hanging outwith the boys. But maybe it will take time for him to realize all of my effort? should I try harder?