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Involving girlfriend in sons life but ex and gf hate each other

User-anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous
Flag
Fri 17, Feb 2017 at 12:56am
Categories:
Getting on Better with my Partner, Bringing up Children Together, Mixed Families, Communications in relationships

So my girlfriend and my ex "sons mother" absolutely hate each other. My sons 4th birthday is coming up and his mother and I have 2 parties planned. One for his little friends, one for our families and friends. My girlfriend feels that I should be including her in the "kids" party although her and his mother have never spent more than 1 minute in a room together. Her view is if I ever want to move forward with our relationship she should be involved in these events.

My opinion differs, I told her I'd like her to be at my sons family/friends party where there will be more people around to ease the tension. I don't feel that my child's birthday party with his little friends and their parents "who we don't know" is the place to start that part of our relationship moving forward. I feel that my son will feel the negative tension and it may put unneeded stress on him.

What do you think? Please help!!!

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Comments

  • Cc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    Hi, sorry you've had to wait a while for a reply to your post.
    It sounds to me like both you and your girl friend have a valid point of view about this. The main exception to that that I can see is what you say about her view of your ex. She may feel she is justified in feeling the way she does (of course I don't know what may have gone on between them) but it does seem to me that she may have to 'move on' from this position in order for you to feel more confident about them meeting each other. Is this something you might be able to put to her?
    My other thought is that she may be particularly keen to be at the children's party because she might feel that it's an occasion when you and your ex will be, presumably, back in your roles as a parenting couple. I can imagine this is something she may feel uncomfortable about. She may need reassuring about this.
    You're right to be focussed on the impact on your son.
    Let me know if this is helpful.

    Sun 26, Feb 2017 at 4:50pm

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