in need of advice
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5 February 2012 @ 21:07
been with my partner 8 years and love him to bits have 2 boys with him and 2 from before after each child i get postnatal depresion and push him away my last partner was very volient anyway the last 3 rows i had have been bad and the police have been called socail service have got envoled now and they have said if i take him back the will take my kids off me can they do this we are both to blame he had pushed me off him and i have a bruse but this is very mixed up we normally have a very strong relationship and are very good together i would have thought that they would try and help us as a family any advice please as my kids are my world and so is my partner
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Dear Anonymous,
I really feel for you, you find yourself in a difficult situation. You want your partner back but it seems only at the cost of loosing your children to Social Services. Sooo hard. You say you love both your children and your partner and want to be all together again, but it sounds as though he's been violent towards you - and the children? Abuse is never acceptable in any relationship. You've been lucky so far and not received serious injury but what usually happens is that things escalate. It starts out small, the occasional push and a bit of shouting and the making up feels so good afterwards. But it gets out of hand, then someone gets really hurt. It's not usually the one who starts it - it tends to be the the one on the receiving end (you and/or the children) who find themselves getting hurt. In my experience they make out it's your fault, so you end up feeling responsible for everything as well.
It seems you need to decide whether you want to stay with your partner and probably end up getting hurt - or whether you want to keep yourself and your children safe and not let him back. A bit stark when the choice is put like that - but this is what you're dealing with and will have to try to be strong for yourself and for the sake of the children. They shouldn't be seeing or hearing what's been going on between you and your partner - it will only worry them.
www.womensaid.org.uk is a good resource and is used to helping people who find themselves in a situation like your's - please try them, and get yourself some help and support. Support to make the difficult decision is probably what you need most right now, so I hope they can help you.
you have my best wishes, Charlie
This was sad to read. The answer is obvious. So much has happened to put you where you are today and there is no fixing it. If your partner has being caring on like that for this long now there isn't much hope of him changing. You might love him but sometimes its not enough. He obviously is violent and you need to protect you kids. That's all social services is trying to do. If you get back with him it would be very selfish and will more than likely end very badly. I know it's tough and it must hurt so much but for yourself and for kids you need to give up on that type of relationship with your partner. Time will heal you and one day you might feel ready to move on to a guy that will treat you right. Also, by you saying you're as much to blame is a classic sign of abuse. you're a woman, his given you bruises, hurt you so much you had to call the police. The answer is obvious but you don't want to see it.