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I just dont know what to do
I wonder if somebody can give me some advise as i don't know what to do anymore. I have been with my girlfriend for about 5 years now. A couple of months ago i found that she was sending messages to a guy on face book, the content of these messages was very sexual. I confronted her about it and she promised that she would never do anything like this again. I forgave her, against my better judgement, and decided to give it another go.
The other day i decided to check her account to see if these messages had definitely stopped and to my surprise found that they had not stopped at all. I guess she was just upset that she got caught.
What do i do, 70% of me wants to just get in my car and leave and the other 40% does not want to go back to being alone again.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
Comments
Hi, I had a similar problem not long ago and found out my boyfriend emailed an old flame when we got together we have also been together 5 years. It hurt me alot (even though it was almost 5 years ago) although he said it was innocent and meant nothing there was some lines in there that upset me (alot). I decided to forget about it but to be honest its still niggling at the back of my mind to this day. Im so sorry for whats happened to you. I would say you really need to confront her and ask her what she really wants? Sometimes people who have been in a relationship for a long time tend to loose the excitement so this could be something thats just making her feel a little special and wanted but dont get me wrong Im not saying its right.
If you decided to give her another chance could you even trust her again..could you really forgive and forget? I totally understand you dont want to be alone. If you decide to leave it will be hard for a while but you need to surround yourself with friends and family, keep yourself busy, remember you still have a future and one day you will find that perfect someone who will love and respect you and you can trust not to go behind your back and do this.
Hope this helps.
Hi, Thanks for your reply. I don't know if i could fully forgive her again i guess that is all down to time. What really upsets me is that when i initially brought this up with her she said that she had never done anything like this before and this was just her way of "venting". I get it. Nobody is perfect and our relationship is so far from perfect and i kind of understand the initial outburst... its the fact that it continued. I guess i don't really care about the fact that she did it in the first place its just the fact that she continues to lie to me about it and think that she is getting away with it.
I wish i had never checked in the first place.... the first time that it happened was a pure accident - i literally turned on the computer and there it was.... i kind of felt that i had a right to check after that. Ironically things were starting to get better until i saw some messages to the same person that were questionable to say the least. They gave me the impression that it had never stopped.
I really love her and i don't want it to end but i am so cut up about it.... i must appear to be a right moody A****** at the moment, she must think i don't love her anymore and that i am pushing her away but its just that i feel so hurt.
Sorry for venting - just nice to talk to someone about it.
Hi again, thats ok I know what you mean I originally came on here for help and now I kind of like to repay others when there in need. Sometimes you just need to talk to someone.
Yes forgiveness does take time. She possibly was upset originally because she perhaps thought you were checking up on her. She may of been angry as to think its not nice going poking around on personal messages but then again you had every right to bring it up and dont feel bad shes the one in the wrong at the end of the day.
It will hurt becuase she told you it would stop and it clearly hasnt. Does she know this person or just someone random on facebook?
Yeah you always think that after you checked something. I thought that when I checked my partners facebook messages once. It turned out to be innocent but to be honest I would rather not of even found out.
Yes of course you love her its someone you hve shared the past 5 years of your life. Of course your hurt shes been decietful. I mean is she regretful and apologetic about it? Your not a moody A***** LOL your upset.
Show and tell her you still love her but is very upset that she told you she would end it and clearly hasnt. Best thing to do is to talk to her, dont bottle anything up.
Really hope you work it out.
She has broken your trust twice. Clearly she does not respect you. Respect and trust go hand in hand. I think it is time to call it day and find someone who can offer you the respect you deserve.
Sorry to be so blunt, she has not learnt her lesson. I do aggree with the other comment about her needing to feel special, which would be a good place to start from, if she hadn't got caught out a second time.
Stand up for yourself and move on! Hope you have a nice life xxx
Hi, I agree with the above comment. Also, these facebook messages could lead to something more, what if she decides to meet him? Speaking from personal experiences it is very easy to cheat when you are not happy in a relationship. With regards to being alone, I believe that if you are happy in your own company you will never be alone and you will draw a partner who truly respects you. I met my current partner after being in a emotionally abusive relationship for 6 years, I was single for 2 years before I met him and even though I was single, I was never lonely. I surrounded myself in friends and family, did things I couldn't do when I was in a relationship. I understand we all want someone to go home to at the end of the day, but no one should ever be in a relationship which isn't making them happy. Maybe a trial separation would be good for both you? A chance to rediscover who you really are as an individuals and to remember what your values are. Leaving my ex was the best decision I ever made and I have never been happier. Remember, you deserve to be with a partner that truly loves and respects you