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how do we move on?
Me + my partner met 2 years ago I have 2 sons and he has one shortly after we got together he discovered his ex was pregnant so he went back to her but it didnt work so they broke up and we got back together. He was always there for her throughout the pregnancy and birth. I fell pregnant and we was both happy he asked me to marry him but the baby was ectopic and I ended up in hospital he said he hopes I die! A nurse said hes probably just upset so I let it go. A few months later I was pregnant again and we moved in together but he was getting drunk and crying on the phone to his ex saying he doesnt love me he loves her so I moved out again. But he was soon asking me back we moved back in together before our baby was born and he told me he had been sleeping with his ex it was the only way she would let him see his daughter he didnt want to but he didnt know what else to do. So I helped him get a solicitor. Since having our girl hes spoken to 2 other girls and has now moved out because we are rowing he doesnt understand why im angry when he says he wont do it again and I bring the past up in every argument. He right I do but how do I trust him and move on? Am I wrong to be angry? Sorry its long but I really need help iv tried to take my own life twice and I self harm I dont want to do this anymore I want to be there for my kids and be a family any advice will be gratefully received thankyou
Comments
Dear Anonymous
No you aren't wrong to be angry, you are so frustrated at this whole situation that you are turning the anger on yourself with suicide attempts and self-harming. The relationship with your partner sounds toxic, I know there are children involved but do you actually love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him? How are your children in all this, are they seeing all the upset and rowing going on, that isn't good for them, how could you keep them safe and happy and be a family as you wish, it may be that this is by leaving your partner. He sounds very confused and has been unfaithful to you on many occasions, it is not surprising you are feeling so bad about things. If you do still love him and want to make the relationship work, you really need to get some help with agreeing how it will work in the future, e.g. no more sleeping with his ex. Please do go and see your GP urgently and get some help with how you feel, s/he will probably suggest you talk to a Counsellor and that would be a really good idea. I do hope you are able to get some support for yourself, let us know how you get on.
I agree that he does seem a bit confused but you don't have to deal with him always going back to the ex or whoever. You are not wrong but try not to keep bringing it up in arguments even though it will be hard. Try to move forward. He may have really changed. However, if he cheats again I think that should be the final straw. You don't deserve to be cheated on and feel hurt especially around your kids.
Ps: Don't ever harm yourself over a man. You have to be there for your children. Even if you end up not being with him you will be able to find a good man who will love you and your kids.
Thankyou for you comments. I really dont want to bring the past up but I feel there are so many unanswered questions. As with my kids the oldest one said he used to lke him but now he doesnt becaause he upsets me so he has picked up on this my other son is always quiet so even I wouldnt know if it affects him and our baby is sleeping better since he moved out so she must have felt it too. His son has becimemore misbehaving and hes missing his (step) brotherss is all suvh a mess for everyone. If only I could let it go I love him more than anything have done since the day I met him but I also hate him and iv become really suspicious of him in ever way even thinking he would steal our girl (he has threatened to and he rang social services on me too and stole my car and money from my divorce)