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How do I stop feeling jealous?
I've been seeing this guy for about 8 months and we are very happy together, however there is one issue which comes up every now and again which I am struggling to deal with.
He is good terms with his ex and it is making me jealous. I trust him completely as know he loves me but every time he has contact with her I can't help but feel jealous, it's making me feel angry with myself as I know I don't need to feel this way.
Part of the problem is that he won't say a bad word about her (they split because they grew apart), also she is younger, slimmer and more successful in her career than myself. Could these aspects of his ex be highlighting my own personal insecurities? And if so how can I overcome this?
He knows I feel like this and does his best to help me overcome these feelings by reassuring me, but I know that ultimately I need to get over it myself.
I was hoping this was something that would fade away, but if anything it is getting worse.
Comments
Try and see it like he is in a cake shop and there are two cakes on offer - one is a beautiful looking cream cake with lots of icing and sparkles on it, and the other is a lovely victoria sponge with gorgeous jam filling. He used to like cream cakes best but now, although there is nothing wrong with cream cakes, he much prefers victoria sponge so that is what he chooses. He has made a positive choice to be with you and obviously believes you are gorgeous, talented, right for him etc - your hard evidence is that he is there with you! Listen to his reassurance and enjoy being with him, this other girl is not a threat to you. It might help you to have some counselling to help you deal with your worries around this, also have a look at the stuff on "Affairs and jealousy" on the Relationship Advice part of this site, which is really helpful. Good luck, let us know how you get on.
Thanks for your reply Morwenna, it has really helped me alot.
I've told him that I don't have a problem with his ex now, which I think was a relief for him to hear also.
Wow I'm extremely grateful for your advice as I'm hoping that our relationship is going to be a good one.
Thanks again.
Hi it's me again. The green eyed monster has returned I'm afraid.
I found out yesterday that he is having flirty chats online with possible old flames/ female friends.
I actually feel quite heart broken about this as I'm not sure what other online activities he may be engaging in.
I'll be honest and say that we have a fantastic physical relationship, which is why I'm surprised that he feels the need to have intimate conversations with other girls online.
I feel like I don't know him now. Help :-( .
Hi, it seems this conversation is dead, i was just wondering if you sorted it with your boyfriend or what happened? I was in the same situation, but I found out after I split up with my ex. I found out he was messaging other women asking them out while he was with me. My ex said it was just a confidence booster but I don't believe that. So I was wondering how you managed to sort it out. Thanks
In hindsight, I think I may have over reacted at the time this happened. I was a bit vulnerable at the time and I didn't actually see anything too bad...but I just saw red I guess! The only problem I seem to have at present is his close friendships with other girls, in particular his boss who he sends very friendly texts to (calling her love and lots of kisses) which I'm not too keen on. Also, she has sent him a xmas card which she calls him her 'dearest' and he has hidden from me! I'm not really sure what to make of it as I don't think that anything is going on but I hate the way it makes me feel.
Maybe in the new year we might go our separate ways as I really hate feeling like this :-(
Would be a shame to dump a perfectly good relationship because you have jealousy issues! Have you thought about going for counselling as suggested above, it could really help you feel better and more confident about yourself so that these trivial things don't both you? Let us know what you think.
The jealousy issue has died down now, mainly due to other things going on in our lives. I still get the odd stab but I just tell myself that I'm being unreasonable and it fades of it's own accord. We're pretty happy now and looking forward to the future, life is too short to get bogged down with unjustified insecurities! Thanks for the advice on this board, I do have another issue which is rumbling on and may pose a question in a different subject area about it if we can't sort it our ourselves!