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He says he didn't cheat... so why did he hide & lie?
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. He has been an amazing "step father" to my son & always put us 1st. I am his 1st real girlfriend & I was always afraid of him cheating or leaving because I would worry that my life would be too much for him to handle. We've always had our ups & downs, we've been through a lot together; but even thought I had my concerns of him cheating or leaving.. I always kept trying to convince myself that he would'nt. Until just 2 months ago in July, I found out he was talking to a girl from his job behind my back. After seeing his phone record, I found out he would talk on the phone with her for 5mins, 15 mins, 30mins, and even one time for 75mins. Im assuming this was all when I wasnt around (either out with friends, or just out shopping) When I confronted him, he lied about everything; denied even knowing her. When I showed him his cell phone records he finally came clean 'cause I had solid proof. He swears they were just friends, never hung out together, never had anything other than a work friendship. He says he didnt wanna hurt me & thats why he denied it. But if he knew he was doing something wrong, why continue to do it for 6months? He didnt have her name & number saved in his phone so he knew he was hiding it from me. He said he had no interest in the girl other than just being freinds & having conversations. I dont know what to believe because he hid everything from me & lied about it all in the beginning. Its been almost 2 months & Im trying to move past this but questions keep coming to my head. I want to get passed it but I dont know how to. I dont know what to believe. Since then, he got a new phone & changed his number right away so that we can start a clean slate. He gave me access to his phone records if I ever want to check it. And so far he's in the clear. But the questions still keep crossing my mind. Is he really telling me the truth now? How do I know its not just another lie? How do I know for sure he didnt do anything with her? That there were no emotional, physically attraction, connection or feelings? Please help, I dont know what to do.
Comments
It sounds to me that you need to develop trust between you and your boyfriend. You mention in the beginning of yoru post that he is a good stepfather to your and is supportive of you. You have experienced a difficult time. Your partner it being open with you and you are going to have to develop trust again in your relationship. Counselling maybe an option that could help you both to explore how you want your relationship to develop in the future. Relate and Marriage Care can help you both with counselling.
You have asked yourseslf some really good questions and only you can make the sense of these questions, but perhaps if you share these questions with your partner, you may find that you get some clarity for you and how your relationship is at the moment. If you do not talk to each other, how can you know what is going on for the other.
The problem with having these questions rushing around in your head, is that they tend to grow out of all proportion and increase stress levels. Being open, caring, trusting and loving in your relationship could help get an improved relationship with your partner.
Using this site and the community here is a good way to help you through this situation.
Thank you for taking the time to not only read my post but also for responding & giving me your feedback. It is truly appreciated.... When it comes to other people I am great at giving advice! In fact, ALL of my close friends (even guys) come to me for advice. But this time around, for myself it is really hard for me to truly myself together. I have been through hell & back in past relationships & I didnt expect my boyfriend after knowing what Ive been through, to do something like this to me. He says he didnt do anything physically with this girl, it was simply just a friend from work that he communicated with through text & phone calls here & there. I guess the reason why it is still hurting me is because I feel like I will never know the real truth, or know if what he is telling me, is in fact the truth. Also, the fact that he denied it all in the beginning & then slowly told me things as I questioned him more and more.. its tough. We've had several talks about this situation and I dont want to continue bringing it up if he is always going to give me the same responses & answers to my questions. I have thought about counseling too, but I dont think I can afford it. Things have been okay with us lately, but whenever I feel the need to bring something up about our situation, he avoids it or changes the subject. He says its something he is ashamed of & wants to leave in the past. I'm becoming very stressed with this & work too, so Im feeling overwhelmed with anxiety & I dont know what else to do.