Getting over the affair - 18 months on
Hi - just found this site - and working my way round it. We have been married for 29 years and have had a happy and good marriage. Two years ago my husband started an affair with a contact he had made through his business, she lived in Italy - and was looking for a way out of her marriage...- suddenly he was travelling there every month - for 'business reasons'. I had no suspicions or mistrusted him in any way and never questioned his reassons for going there, he had always done some travelling with his business. in the past To cut a long story short, I found out about the affair after 7 months - confronted him and he finished with her there and then. Since then I have been to hell and back but we are both determined to make our marriage work again - we have too much to lose. But the journey is not easy .
He still admits to having fond memoried of the affair and has some contact (e mail) with her through his business. I have now insisted that he breaks off this contact - as I am still suspicious and cant trust him totally. Knowing he had this contact makes me ask about whether he has had any contact with her - and that keeps her within our marriage - which is very damaging for both of us. he is trying to forget the affair - and I keep reminding him!
I hate what he has done to our marriage - but I love him and want to stay with him. Life would be no better appart.
I agree with comments I have read on this site, that it is an emmotinal roller coaster - we have had some great times over the last 18 months, and some dreadfull ones as well. He has behaved impeccably since the discovery, and has done all he can to show his remorse, but sometimes this is not enough. He wants me to forget and put it all behind us - and I want that too - but putting that into practice is not easy at all times, there are triggers and flashback which still eat me up.
If there is anyone who has been through a similar experience< I would be pleased to hear how long the pain and mistrust continues....
thanks for listening!