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feel like i'm losing her..
so i'll start off by saying that me and my girlfriend have been together for 6 years. we have a beautiful 5 year daughter. during the course of our 6 year relationship, i'll admit to slipping up a few times but have never cheated. this happened in the middle of our relationship and i've done everything possible to correct the mistakes i've made. putting family first, i've picked up a stable job while i go to college to further my education and expand my job potential to benefit my family.
recently, i've noticed a bit of a disconnect between me and my girlfriend. she would text me often and always interested in what i was doing. now, it's rare that i get a text and when i do it's often something as simple as "how was your class" and nothing more. i've also seen a dramatic rise in her need to be with her friends; not to mention finding a few things on facebook i wasn't too fond of (pertaining to male friends, we share a facebook by the way). feeling this disconnect, i decided to talk to her about it. well, things couldn't have gone any worse. i talked to her about her needing to disconnect from work when she gets home and to drop the facebook addiction. we are both in our late twenties and i don't see fascination in posting your life to meaningless people we never see. i've always had trust in her and have never held her back from doing things or questioned her about her actions.
she begins to tell me how i am no longer passionate with her, that she feels she needs to beg for my romance. that i dictate everything in our relationship: from if/when we get married to when we decide to have another child. basically telling me she's unhappy with the current situation. admittedly, i've been so focused on school and work but never to a point where i disconnect from my family. our discussion got a bit heated and she went to stay with her mother. now i don't know where we stand or what brought up all of this. i get the feeling she is getting her attention elsewhere, but she denies the very mention of it. there is just a gut feeling i have that tells me she isn't being 100% truthful with me. i don't know what to do. i've tried so hard to fight for my family, to do what's right, and be the best father and boyfriend i can be.
she had to work today and said she would leave at lunch time so we could talk. that didn't happen, nor did i even receive a phone call telling me she couldn't make it. i felt so betrayed as i was looking forward to settling things. my day had been horrible as it was. we've had our fights and we've always done whatever we could to talk about the issue and come to an understanding. this time was different.
any help would be appreciated and sorry for the lengthy post. this is my first reach out for help on a subject i'm very sensitive discussing with even my own family.
Comments
Dear Anonymous
It may not feel like it to you at the moment but actually you have made huge progress in starting to talk about your concerns, which has led to her starting to talk about hers - I understand it must feel like a mountain has fallen on you, but to me it is more like a boil being lanced - all the nasty stuff is now coming out in the open and you can both to start to deal with it. That has got to be better than both of you feeling unhappy and resentful and not talking about it, surely? Persevere in your attempts to both talk honestly about your relationship, and try to accept that she may have some valid points too, for example it does sound like you may be a little controlling! If you can't manage to talk honestly by yourselves, how about seeing a relationships counsellor together, they are there exactly for this sort of situation, where a couple needs to talk but are finding it difficult to be honest. Marriage Care and Relate are both good. Good luck, let us know how you get on.