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Do I turn away or hang on?
My girlfriend of two years and I have been broken up for 2 months now but still communicate daily via text. We dated for two years and moved in with each other shortly after starting to date. Our relationship was up and down. She often had bouts of depression and would often be very upset but could not express why. For two years I suggested she seek counseling but she would not. I know her previous relationships had been abusive and she lost her mother at the age of 20 but her past and pain were always very difficult for her to express to me. After we broke up I called a charitable organization that offers counseling and made her an appointment. She kept the appointment and has been going weekly since we separated.
We communicate daily via text but have only actually spoke once on the phone since breaking up. She called me very upset after having a fall out with the grandparents of her daughter. She text me when she's up set, she text me when she has had a bad day, she text me when she has had a good day, but she will not agree to meet me for a coffee, dinner, etc. I have told her that I want to see her in hopes to move things forward, baby steps. She will show interest in getting together even bring it up but then back out when I make plans. She asked me last week why I would want to date her now because she hasn't changed yet and that she thought seeing each other would make it harder. When I asked her if it would make it harder to move on or harder to be apart she changed the subject. I explained to her that I want to get back together but not until we both get to where we need to be. She didn't disagree but did not agree. I don't know what to do. Lately I have been the only one initiating the text. I am afraid I am being overly optimistic and that it's over but she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I don't want to turn my back on her but the lopsidedness is starting to take a toll on me. I am starting to get depressed and I am loosing hope. I love her very, very, much and I want to get back together. What do I do?
Comments
It sounds as if you've been very loving and supportive towards her. Well done for arranging the counselling-I'm sure it will help her but be aware that counselling helps a person explore very difficult issues so it's possible that she really does need her own space at the moment. Especially so if she's previously had an abusive relationship as she will need to feel that she is in control and is not being rushed. You are right to take baby steps but this involves falling down before becoming confident and at ease. I hope things work out for you and please let us know how you get on.