didnt come on holiday with me after he payed, is there hope?
I have been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years now. We met in the wrong circumstances, he had a girlfriend, eventually broke up with her and we quickly got together.
We both fell head over heels and the sexual connection we have for each other has over-rid everything bad that has occured in our relationship!
Basically cutting a long story short we have had bad times, people gossiping, making up rumours because they have obviously recognised i would be vulnerable given the circumstances we got together in. My boyfriend has insisted all rumours are false but I will always have doubt in my mind. Once a cheater always a cheater?
anyway.. something new has cropped up, a new battle. We booked a holiday a few weeks ago. I went with a friend to look at holidays, he couldnt come with me due to working. He told me to let him know what holiday i find.. so I did. Called when I got home listing 2 holidays for couples. when I asked which he'd prefer his response was not excited, negative. Just explaining to me that we should have looked at holidays a long time ago and that we'll be lumbered with all the rubbish late deals.
Basically i ended up crying down the phone, accusing him of not wanting to come and he raced round to my house telling me to book a holiday in order to prove to me that he DOES want to come. Inevitably the holiday wasnt his choice and he didnt have an input in booking it. Overall we booked the holiday to solve an arguement.
So, holiday all payed for.. 3 days before we were due to fly out, he came round to my house and was quiet all evening. He ended up telling me he doesn't want to come on holiday because he has a heavy feeling of resentment due to the fact he feels he told me to book it to solve an arguement.
I told him, OK that's fine I'll go with someone else. And so I did. All holiday he was pestering me, asking who i went with, making sure I was ok... telling me he wishes I didn't go as he'd have paid my half anyway... telling me he wants to get back together and move in with me, he's realsied he's made such a mistake, and blamed his behaviour on some medication he's on.
It just so happens i was going through a pregnancy scare on holiday, and neede his support. So was replying to his messages, and asking his opinions/for support on pregnancy. He reassured me and told me everything would be ok and that we will sort things out.
On my return he met me at my house in the early hours of the morning, we did pregnancy tests and they all came back negative. We spent a nice day together the next day in which he appologised still, and was telling me he wants to get back on track and has stopped all medication.
I accpeted (head being well and truly fucked from pregnancy scare then finding out im not!) but however the next day i felt confused, like whole situation has been an anti-climax, so i called him round and told him "i cant do this, he doesn't deserve me after how he cancelled holiday and left me to go with someone else" he walked out angry and upset (well and truly threw toys out of pram) and left me standing in my house upset, wanting him to fight for me!!!!!!
After I called it off, i felt imidiate hearbreak, like i'd only done it because i've felt it's what i should be doing - not what i want to. I still love him very very very much.
Now after I told him STRAIGHT AWAY im sorry and have made a mistake , i do want him.. he has now suggested we have space to clear our heads, time to work out what we want. and he says fate wil bring us back together.
but i am left feeling completely confused and heartbroken. It should be me wondering what I want, when I was on holiday he said to me he knows what he wants and will be prepared to fight for me? so why has he walked away?
Did i knock him back and hurt him so much by making out i dont want him after only giving him a day to prove his love to me? or was he spinning me a web of lies to make himself feel better and ease his guilt about not coming away with me?
I love him, miss him and want to be with him. I know we're strong enough to knock all of this bulls*** on the head, but I need advice. Why have we walked away after everything we've been through?