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didnt come on holiday with me after he payed, is there hope?
I have been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years now. We met in the wrong circumstances, he had a girlfriend, eventually broke up with her and we quickly got together.
We both fell head over heels and the sexual connection we have for each other has over-rid everything bad that has occured in our relationship!
Basically cutting a long story short we have had bad times, people gossiping, making up rumours because they have obviously recognised i would be vulnerable given the circumstances we got together in. My boyfriend has insisted all rumours are false but I will always have doubt in my mind. Once a cheater always a cheater?
anyway.. something new has cropped up, a new battle. We booked a holiday a few weeks ago. I went with a friend to look at holidays, he couldnt come with me due to working. He told me to let him know what holiday i find.. so I did. Called when I got home listing 2 holidays for couples. when I asked which he'd prefer his response was not excited, negative. Just explaining to me that we should have looked at holidays a long time ago and that we'll be lumbered with all the rubbish late deals.
Basically i ended up crying down the phone, accusing him of not wanting to come and he raced round to my house telling me to book a holiday in order to prove to me that he DOES want to come. Inevitably the holiday wasnt his choice and he didnt have an input in booking it. Overall we booked the holiday to solve an arguement.
So, holiday all payed for.. 3 days before we were due to fly out, he came round to my house and was quiet all evening. He ended up telling me he doesn't want to come on holiday because he has a heavy feeling of resentment due to the fact he feels he told me to book it to solve an arguement.
I told him, OK that's fine I'll go with someone else. And so I did. All holiday he was pestering me, asking who i went with, making sure I was ok... telling me he wishes I didn't go as he'd have paid my half anyway... telling me he wants to get back together and move in with me, he's realsied he's made such a mistake, and blamed his behaviour on some medication he's on.
It just so happens i was going through a pregnancy scare on holiday, and neede his support. So was replying to his messages, and asking his opinions/for support on pregnancy. He reassured me and told me everything would be ok and that we will sort things out.
On my return he met me at my house in the early hours of the morning, we did pregnancy tests and they all came back negative. We spent a nice day together the next day in which he appologised still, and was telling me he wants to get back on track and has stopped all medication.
I accpeted (head being well and truly fucked from pregnancy scare then finding out im not!) but however the next day i felt confused, like whole situation has been an anti-climax, so i called him round and told him "i cant do this, he doesn't deserve me after how he cancelled holiday and left me to go with someone else" he walked out angry and upset (well and truly threw toys out of pram) and left me standing in my house upset, wanting him to fight for me!!!!!!
After I called it off, i felt imidiate hearbreak, like i'd only done it because i've felt it's what i should be doing - not what i want to. I still love him very very very much.
Now after I told him STRAIGHT AWAY im sorry and have made a mistake , i do want him.. he has now suggested we have space to clear our heads, time to work out what we want. and he says fate wil bring us back together.
but i am left feeling completely confused and heartbroken. It should be me wondering what I want, when I was on holiday he said to me he knows what he wants and will be prepared to fight for me? so why has he walked away?
Did i knock him back and hurt him so much by making out i dont want him after only giving him a day to prove his love to me? or was he spinning me a web of lies to make himself feel better and ease his guilt about not coming away with me?
I love him, miss him and want to be with him. I know we're strong enough to knock all of this bulls*** on the head, but I need advice. Why have we walked away after everything we've been through?
Comments
this is a tough situation. However, i have been in similar.
I was with a girl for a while and I absolutely loved her, but she was with someone else.
Me and her were going behind peoples back and she was cheating on her boyfriend at the time.
In the end, after months of heart break and sticky situations, she left her boyfriend.
After a couple of months, me and her got together and everything was going brilliantly. However, I feel that we rushed into it too quickly, I think she wasn't 100% sure she knew what she wanted.
People made rumours and her ex boyfriend was spreading a lot of shit about me and her, particularly slagging me off making me look like a awful horrible guy.
It hit our relationship hard. and hit her very hard in particular.
her friends were asking her why was she with such a terrible person.
I just cared about her welfare, i worried if she was okay. I helped her through the tough time, and she was also dealing with personal problems.
After a few months of this, things seemed to die down as everyone gave up with the lies.
Me and her were very very happy, our sexual life was great and our overall relationship was brilliant.
Then things started to get sticky, and we decided that we needed a bit of space from one another. I think it was because we were so used to seeing each other daily, it was great that we saw each other so much, but every now and then we would have fallings out because of the strain that was put on our relationship because of everyone else.
We had a bit of space from one another, but talked oftenly to make sure we were both okay.
We both struggled without one another, and after a little while we sat down and had a talk about everything.
Now things are better then ever and we communicate even better then we used to.
We voice issues that come up early to make sure we sort it out.
The space was a great idea for us both.
If i was you, i would give him a little bit of space. Missing you could be the key, sometimes you need to be away from someone to realize how much you need them and love them.
Maybe let him think things through and then try talk to him calmly about everything, bring all issues up and voice them. Then you could both be totally honest about things, and move on from the issues.
If you both want to be in the relationship, like it sounds. then you will both fight for it. Just because he walked out, doesn't mean he doesn't want the relationship. It might've been a shock and he might've needed a bit of time and breathing space.
I hope that it works out and you get back to having a happy relationship.
Hope this helps
Thankyou very much for your response, in reflection of reading my story back and reading yours i know space is the most sensible option. It's much harder because when we have a 'break' we break all contact and agree to get in touch when one of us knows what we want.
I know I need to be in a much more stable place for our future together to succeed. We want to get married and have childern one day and at the moment i'm living in a one bedroom flat with a job that's on and off. I am yet to find a well paying career path and need to get over the insecurities i had at the beginning of the relationship. Because I do have mild trust issues with him, as soon as a smal obstacle hits us, its immediately magnified because all other issues raise their ugly head!
I know we both need to have successful careers, and a stable mind in order for us to both settle down with each other! He's getting close to 30 and i know it worries him that he hasn't moved out of his parents house yet and he wants to settle down!
With all of this bother I worry he'll meet someone else, and im worried this space will push us furher apart. And im curious as to how long it'll take! It's an anxious waiting game but like you say, the best option for us at the minute.
How long did you and your partner have this space for? was it a matter of months or years?
xx Thankyou very much for responding .
we spent a few months apart.
we still had contact over the few months. the further on the months went the more we talked, we spent a few evening together.
we ended up missing each other a lot and had a whole night where we talked things through, we stayed up all night talking about all the issues we had, and we totally cleared the air.
since then we haven't really argued, we had a falling out, but instead of arguing i suggested if i went out for the afternoon with a friend and took my mind off of it, and have a bit of time from one another.
When i came back we talked and in 20 minutes we were fine again.
The key is to communicate. hopefully space and then clearing the air will get you to a space where you can be calm about issues, and be able to talk about things and understand. So if you did need a bit of space, he would understand kind of thing.
just be honest and open with one another. space would really help, but if you do have space, make it clear that you are doing it to help your relationship and that you want it to work in the long run. that way he will know you want to be with him you just need a little time alone.
hope this helps.
feel free to ask anything else, always happy to help x