Categories:

Sex/Intimacy & romance, Affairs & Jealousy

Hi all,

I have a question which I'm confused about and am unsure what to do or think about it.

I have been involved with a man for the past 10 months. First let me say that when I met him I was married, but have since separated and in the process of a divorce. Prior to meeting him I had already made up my mind to leave my marriage, so his coming into my life was not the main factor in my decision, but was a push I needed to move on.

Anyway, we've been very happy together, well I am anyway. I am completely in love with this man and can't wait to be with him. He tells me he feels the same about me. He is a good man, caring, loving, patient. I'd like to think loyal.

However, I am bothered by something. On many occasions I'll tell him something I did or said to someone at work. I work in a restaurant and am always doing something nice for people, like the little kids/elderly or Military/Police. I do it because I like to make people smile and the Military/Police, I'll buy them a cookie or a brownie to thank them for all they do for us. My boyfriend was in the Military which I am so proud of. When I mention these acts of kindness to him, he'll listen, but then in the next breath he'll ask me "did you give them your number too" or ask if I was flirting with them. If I'm tired and want to go to bed early (mind you we don't live together and in a long distance relationship), he'll say "oh, getting rid of me so you can talk with your other boyfriend", sighs little comments.

Now, these things really hurt me and I've told him so, also said that it's hurting our relationship with comments like that. I've been faithful and loyal to him, yet nothing I seem to do makes him feel this way. He tells me that he was hurt in the past, which I can understand, but I also feel is an excuse for him being disrespectful to me. He and I can, or at least I thought, could say anything to each other, but his comments make me feel dirty or unfaithful when I know I'm not. The acts of kindness which make me smile end up making me feel bad, like I've done something wrong. It all seems so childish.

I can see myself with this man, living a happy life with him, but then I think of his comments and I become scared. If he feels this way about me now, what will happen when I do move in with him.

One of my friends told me that sometimes people accuse like that when they themselves aren't being honest. She said maybe he's been doing something behind my back and trying to deflect the guilt so that he doesn't feel guilty. I'm not sure what to think.

How can I help him understand that he is the only man I care for? The one I want to be with and love. I suggested to him that when we do move in together that we speak to a relationship counselor. I feel that its important to get issues like this resolved so we live peaceful. He never said yes or no, so we'll see what happens there.

Do you think there is any way I can help him understand now and not feel so insecure or jealous or whatever it is he is feeling. If so, what are your suggestions.

Thanks for listening to me yap and yap.