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Confused
So I need advice from someone who is not biased or doesn't know me as I am so confused on what to do.. Well here goes..
I've known this boy since I was a teen - 12 years old as we went to High School together and we were good friends. When we were 14, we fell for each other and started to date for a while but we split up soon after as I couldn't handle so many other girls interfering in the relationship (I wasn't as strong as I am now). I ended it and I knew he was really hurt because he wouldn't speak to me for months and months.
However, we soon started to talk again and at 15 he came back to me for another chance to start again. However I didn't want to get into a relationship with him again because I didn't trust him. I know for a fact he cared about me and loved me because he showed it every day. I just had a fear of comitting to him as I was scared to be hurt and he also had a bad reputation. So he moved on because I kept him waiting but we've always had a different relationship.
The spark has always been there and I can truly say he was my first love. I'm not sure if I was his but he moved on into several relationships after and we didn't speak after High School for two years.
He has always had a place in my heart and I never forgot about him. However, recently - about a year ago he came back into my life. We are now 20. He kept ringing me and texting me to meet up with him. I finally did after a lot of persistence on his side and we went shopping together and caught up on old times. The spark wasn't the same but I put that down to us being adults now and times changing.
We met twice after that but he made it clear he only wants one thing from me. I don't understand why he'd come back into my life after all these years for one thing - i mean im guessing he could get any girl to sleep with him.
I said to him straight that i would only be intimate with someone if i was in a committed stable relationship and we stopped talking again for about 4 months.
4 months later he has come back AGAIN! asking me to meet him. i really don't know where i stand and why he keeps coming back to me. He knows I have no intention of doing anything with him - although i did kiss him the last time we met. And because we have so much history behind us im wondering whether its worth holding on to or should i just let go. He has a very bad reputation and thats the main reason i would always find it hard to trust him.
Sorry for the long post but any comments are appreciated!
Thank you x
Comments
"I said to him straight that i would only be intimate with someone if i was in a committed stable relationship and we stopped talking again for about 4 months." You are doing exactly the right thing. Do not change it.
Either he feels something for you, but has learnt to express himself only through physical intimacy and doesnt know how else to show you what he feels. Alternatively, you saying no repeatedly is giving him a challenge he cant get out of his head.
Either way, if he wants to connect with you, dont let him unless he changes his approach. Unless you want a purely physical relationship, I wouldnt begin to trust him until he has shown you he can give you a stable relationship - you've made it pretty clear what you want, and if he cares for you like you want him to he will man up and provide it.
Thank you so much for your reply; the situation has been getting me really down and your comment helped a lot!
In my heart i think he comes back to me when it's convinient for him, i.e. when he's bored so unless he proves he cares about me drastically - as you said 'man up', I need to find the strength to let him go.
Once again thank you!