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Cheating sons mum wants me back
Me and my ex were together for 8 happy years until I discovered she'd been having an affair with somebody for a couple of months. We had a 3 year old son together at the time.
If it wasn't for my son I would've have ended the relationship there and then, however, because of him and the fact I was scared if we did split up she would take him back to her home country I tried to make a go of it. I arranged counselling for us which we went too. But I found out she had carried on seeing him still. With that I ended the relationship. She (thankfully) decided to make a go of it with this other man whom she told me was her sole mate, so at least I still got to see my son.
All I ever wanted was to be a good dad and keep a happy home for us to all live in, every decision I ever made was for us and our family and to say I was devastated would be a understatement. However because of my work I got to spend at least 10 whole days a month with my son every month and he is my life.
I got over my ex and even had a relationship for a number of months, I ended it though as between work and my son I was finding I was sacrificing time that I wanted to spend with my son. I would say that I am happy being single most of the time as I enjoy the freedom on the days I don't have my son to catch up with friends, keep fit etc although I still find it hard saying goodbye to my son when he goes back to his mums or when I see a 'happy family' walking round the shops together or out on day trios etc as I think about what my son is missing out on.
We separated over a year ago now, however she recently broke down when she came to collect my son and said she wants me back and for us to all live together again.
I really don't know what to do, she is still living with this other guy and I would certainly not do anything behind his back. I know my friends and family would probably not understand if I took her back as they were all as shocked and as hurt by her actions as I was. To be honest, I don't even know if I want her back, I know more than anything I want my son to be happy, so I am considering if we should try counselling once she is single again, I am certainly not rushing into anything but I don't know what to do as although I always knew this day would come it has still caught me wrong footed.
I suppose also this whole episode has opened my eyes to relationships. It has made me very cynical. I don't know anybody who seems to to be truly happy with there married lives and everyone seems to be having affairs and being cheated on and I suppose that I have given up on the idea of true love and sole mates, if I ever did believe in that at the start.
Has anyone got any advice? Did u take somebody back and made it work? Or did they cheat again? This is all hypothetical at the moment as I haven't even spoke to her about it since she broke down, at the time I pretty much pushed her out the door as I just couldn't find anything to say. I guess I'm am looking for some advice before I decide what, if anything I do next.
Thanks
Comments
Do you think you could ever come to trust her again?
You say that having betrayed your trust she then carried on cheating on you while in counselling, and now she doesn't seems to be showing much loyalty or commitment to her current partner.
To be frank, she doesn't sound to be trustworthy.
From my reading of your post it seems as if you are missing family life, and are concerned for the welfare of your son rather than missing your ex?
A year is very little time to adjust to a family break-up with young children involved, which may explain some of your feelings about being a single dad when out and about.
Has the contact you have with your son been formalised? If not, I recommend you look into the legal issues of Parental Responsibility and a properly drawn up parenting agreement. If you want to increase the time you have with your son you could make a case for that based on the fact that he is now old enough to spend longer periods away from his mother. If there is a risk she might take your son off to another country, you might want to think about having a Contact Order, or maybe even a Shared Residence Order, made in the Family Court, which will mean she would have to get the Court's permission to remove your son to another country.
If you get the contact with your son sorted out and on a solid footing, you might then find it easier to decide what to do about any future intimate relationship with your ex.
You can get all the information you will need to sort out the contact with your son from fnf, so no need to spend a fortune on solicitors...
http://www.fnf.org.uk/
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