cheating and unhappiness
ok so i've been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months and although it's not really a lot, it's longest relationship i've been in and the most serious one. we've been living together for quite some time now and i really love him. he's the guy i can see a future with at times, we've talked about marriage and kids in the future and stuff but there are things about us that just make me wonder if we're supposed to be together. We live in the Azores but i was born in Porto (Portugal) and moved here 3 years ago (i was 17) and one of my goals in life is to leave this island and go back to the mainland or maybe to another country and he's just not ok with that at all because he has a good job here and his family and friends and all that. but i want to take risks in life to achieve my goals and i can't do that here. and i'm really unhappy in my relationship because i don't feel the support i think i deserve and so desperately need. and on top of that i feel we've lost intimacy. he's always in the mood for sex and i'm not, almost never really and we don't talk like we used to, i feel so distant from him and he can sense that. i don't want to hurt him or prolong a relationship that isn't healthy for either one of us.
Another big problem here is this. i met the love of my life 3 years ago, he lives in the mainland and last month i went there with some girl friends and i met him and spent a beautiful day together and i felt more alive than ever before in my life. we always had this impossible romeo and juliet kind of love. he was a player, now he's dating and i don't know. when i started dating my current boyfriend we had a couple of fights over this guy and i decided it was best to cut off any contact between me and him so i did. but not for too long, i couldn't resist. we spoke on my friend's facebook so my boyfriend wouldn't find out and we had deep conversations about us and our dreams and wishes just like we did since we first met. and now that he's dating and i'm unhappy he's doing the whole no contact thing to me, although we sometimes message each other on my friend's facebook (i always end up crying in the end) and it's hurting like hell. on one hand i want to give up everything i have to be with him but i know he's not leaving his girl for me but on the other hand i can't bring myself to end things with my man because i do love him and he's done so much for me. sometimes i feel we'll be together forever, sometimes i think i'm with him just because it's a routine and i'm scared of being alone (and since i live in his house and refuse to move back in with my parents makes it even worse) and other times i feel i'll make things work with the other guy.. i don't know what i'm doing. maybe i should just leave them both, maybe they're better off without me... i really don't know what to think or feel.
if anyone could just give me some advice or some comfort words i would really appreciate it. it's the first time i ask for help from complete strangers but i'm done crying everyday and just being unhappy and making other people unhappy