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Cheating
I've recently gotten back together with my partner of the past couple of years after a few months apart. He left me because he decided that, in his words, despite loving me, he just didn't want the commitment of being in a relationship anymore. I found out a few weeks after this he had been messaging other girls on the internet on his phone throughout the course of our relationship. He insists nothing physical ever happened, and I believe him, however he told all of these girls he was in love with them, wanted them and not me etc...
Anyway, during our time apart I really enjoyed being single and started seeing someone I had known for a long time. We slept together a few times, when I asked him if he saw it progressing he was honest and straightforward and said it was only about the sex.
After a few weeks my boyfriend and I got together. I forgave his cheating, as he had spent the last few months trying to gain my trust back and prove to me that actually he did want a relationship, and he had thrown away something good. I love him, and he is my best friend in so many way, and we have fun together. However, when we were together before, I saw it as being long-term, and all of that has gone now. I love him. But something is missing.
The guy I was seeing is now messaging me, asking to see me. He knows I am no longer single, and as far as I'm aware it is still only sex he wants. But every time I think about him my stomach flips. I've never so much as considered cheating before in my life. But there is something about this man which I cannot shake off. I've brushed off his advances, but it is so difficult. It's making me question my reasons for getting back together with my partner.
I suppose the advice I'm looking for is, what to do? I have someone who I love and am comfortable with, but who has broken my trust in the past and hurt me, and I'm not sure I am in love with anymore, no matter how much I care for him. And then there is someone who the very idea of makes me feel sick with anticipation, but who isn't looking (at least for now) for something serious, and could very well only be showing an interest because I am not available to him.
Is it worth the risk of a decent relationship for the excitement and anticipation I feel I need?
Comments
The way I read your post, it sounds as if neither of these relationships is going to provide you with what you are really looking for?
So I wonder if the idea of a fling with someone who says that they just want you for sex is your way of finding some excitement in an otherwise rather grim situation?
On the one hand, what have you got to lose?
But then again, how will you feel when both relationships are little more than memories of times that didn't work out?
I think a lot depends on how you will feel about you when the dust settles?
A fling in the short-term might boost your self-esteem, but what happens when the thrill wears off?
Seems to me that you might be playing Russian roulette with your own emotions because things have generally not worked out for you?
Sky
Having experienced the whole 'my boyf messages other girls online' thing, I am going to be pretty blunt and say that you should seriously consider if the relationship with your partner is right for you, fling or no fling!
It sounds to me like you were enjoying the fling and then wanted something more, only that 'something more' came along in the form of your partner and you knoew it wasn't going to come out of the fling, so you went and got back together. In a way, you are getting something you 'need' i.e. security and familiarity from one relationship, and something you 'want' i.e. amazing sex and fun times (!) from the other. But the major missing factor I see from both of these relationships is trust, and in my opinion (based on grim previous experience) is the absolute foundation of any true relationship.
Not that I am advising per se, but just think about what you really value from both experiences really, and if what you have now vs. what you could have either with the fling or being single, independant, confident and happy is really worth it...but don't cheat. That just opens doors you will never close!
xx
i have been in this situation with someone who makes your stomach flip but won't committ, unfortuantely he has been honest with you about only wanting sex and men rarely change their mind. It is always exciting have sex with somone new but it turns into something more meaningful. You shouldnt stay with someone who makes you feel 'comfortable' as there should be more to a relationship and it sounds like you are having problems forgetting the cheating. People often find it hard to be on their own but perhaps you need this to find out what you really want. give yourself time to find you.
xx