I've recently gotten back together with my partner of the past couple of years after a few months apart. He left me because he decided that, in his words, despite loving me, he just didn't want the commitment of being in a relationship anymore. I found out a few weeks after this he had been messaging other girls on the internet on his phone throughout the course of our relationship. He insists nothing physical ever happened, and I believe him, however he told all of these girls he was in love with them, wanted them and not me etc...
Anyway, during our time apart I really enjoyed being single and started seeing someone I had known for a long time. We slept together a few times, when I asked him if he saw it progressing he was honest and straightforward and said it was only about the sex.
After a few weeks my boyfriend and I got together. I forgave his cheating, as he had spent the last few months trying to gain my trust back and prove to me that actually he did want a relationship, and he had thrown away something good. I love him, and he is my best friend in so many way, and we have fun together. However, when we were together before, I saw it as being long-term, and all of that has gone now. I love him. But something is missing.
The guy I was seeing is now messaging me, asking to see me. He knows I am no longer single, and as far as I'm aware it is still only sex he wants. But every time I think about him my stomach flips. I've never so much as considered cheating before in my life. But there is something about this man which I cannot shake off. I've brushed off his advances, but it is so difficult. It's making me question my reasons for getting back together with my partner.
I suppose the advice I'm looking for is, what to do? I have someone who I love and am comfortable with, but who has broken my trust in the past and hurt me, and I'm not sure I am in love with anymore, no matter how much I care for him. And then there is someone who the very idea of makes me feel sick with anticipation, but who isn't looking (at least for now) for something serious, and could very well only be showing an interest because I am not available to him.
Is it worth the risk of a decent relationship for the excitement and anticipation I feel I need?