Can a man who beat his girl become normal again???
Hi
First of all, just wanna precise that english is not my native tongue so I may do some mistakes in my writing, sorry about that. But still, I need advices so here I am.
It s 2 years since I ve met Jordan. At the beginning, everything was perfect I couldn t believe I had found the perfect match. We understood each other at all point, in the mind and sexually also.
But after a year he started to change, to be more and more exigent till he became totally intolerant and jealous. My mistake is that I believe that it was due to some external factors of stress and that it was gonna change. I also accepted his jealousy cos I thought it was cos he loved me too much. But the more the time was passing and the more the communication was getting lower between us. The more he blame me at any occasion.
Then one day, while a argument I didn t recognize the man I ve met a year ago, his eyes were full of hate and he started beat me. Ever since we have a argument when he has nothing to say anymore he s doing it again. I dont count anymore the bruises on my body. He once broke my wrist. It also happened that I have to stay home cos I have bruises on my face. That s the case now since a week and I believe I have 3-4 more days until I become presentable.
I mean I dont say I m perfect, I have my defects also but he keep pretending I m guilty for evrything even if its not the case and find any reason to beat me. Once he beat me cos I ask him to stay with me instead of going to his friends to watch a football game or cos I didnt clean the house as he expected. Sometimes it is just a slap or two but sometimes it is very bad and blood is coming!!!
I dont know about my feeling anymore but we are living together . I lost my job lately and I dont know what to do. A part of me still believe that he will change but when I realise it s already a year that stuffs are the same I just feel terribly foolish. Lately I suggest we see somebody, a couple conselor, a psychologist and he accept. But It s still very difficult for me to believe he s gonna change. It s also very painful to admit that at our age (mine 28, him 30) we have to call that kind of help. I was hoping something better for my life, for us.
Comments
MS Anonymous you need to break up with him because he will never change thats my advice
if I were your best friend and was hurting as much as you are what advice would you give me?
Chances are you woudl be telling me NEVER to let anyone treat me like that .
Please, please, girl, move out!!!
A loving, decent and sane man never beats the object of his affection. What you describe is a person with serious mental issues, so staying around him is grave and real danger.
Also, thinking that he will change, or getting used to this to the point of knowing how long takes for your bruises to heal is dangerous too,so by all means move out for your own physical safety.
And don´t forget to get a network of people to help you, because you will need them to protect you in case he tries to get you back by force.
Dear Anon
I was very sad to read your recent post and hear of your experience with your partner. I use this term
lightly because his violent behaviour is not acceptable and not part of a loving relationship. It must be difficult for you because you thought this man was to be the love of your life. However, you need to be safe and a broken wrist is not a sign of love - its a violent, aggressive act by one indidivual against another and is against the law. Do you have anywhere you can go and be safe because you need to be in a safe place away from this man. He needs help to sort out his aggressive and violent behaviour and you need support as well. Perhaps your local Womens Refuge can help you. Please keep safe and let us know how you are keeping
I like to think that people can change their ways, however, in my experience of working with violent men, it is difficult to achieve, and usually the person needs a very good reason to work at making such change.
My advice to you is to move out, or move him out if you can, and to stay apart until you are convinced that it is safe for you to live with him again.
There are often two sides to an argument, but violence is NEVER an acceptable way to behave, no matter what the reasons for the dispute may be.
Violent men are often very sorry for their violent behaviour after the event, but don't be fooled into thinking that will make any difference the next time they are roused by whatever triggers their aggressive and violent ways, which can often be the most trivial of things.
Your partner needs to accept that his violent behaviour is totally HIS responsibility, and no one else’s, and that there can never be justification for it.
His violent ways are HIS problem, and only yours for as long as you stay with him.
I appreciate that circumstances can make it difficult, but for your own safety, you need to live apart until he has proved that he has changed his violent and abusive ways.