Boyfriend of Four years is now searching "Sex Finder" Sites
MY boyfriend and I have been dating for four years.
In the past, I found him searching a "sex friend" site on his phone. I confronted him, and through a little backtracking I found that he had never made contanct with anyone and didnt have any pictures posted blahblah. I told him this made me feel uncomfortable and after him giving his reason of " I wanted to see if anyone from my home town was posted on sites like these" I understood. I mean, I wouldnt do something like snoop around to see who I knew was feinding for sex. But hey to each his own right? I still asked him to get rid of his account. He said he did. Two years later *give or take* and I have found that he is on these sites with renewed vigor. Our sex life had been a little ..stressed.. whereas I wasnt getting enough and had complained about it. Im very sexual and am always willing to do anything. I mean anything, as long as my guy wants to try it out. I had complained, we came to the conclusion that it was stress related, and I eventually calmed down, and eased up on pressuring him. Very recently our sex life has come back to normal. And I have been elated. That little pressure at the back of my mind about our relationship was blissfully going away. But my thoughts werent totally soothed. So through a little snooping... I find out that he has created a profile on three different sites, and I have found him sending messages to women. None of them responded, but I feel really hurt. As the most sexual of the two of us... I havent even engaged in any "harmless" flirting. This was all in the past week of our recent "reconciling" sex life. I find that very strange, and hurtful ( I dont know why its hurtful? Thoughts?) that after having amazing sex, he decided to sign up for sex partner sites? Did our good body chemistry give him a little fluffing up of his "man ego" and thats what caused it?? I think its so out of his character and I cant even understand his reasoning. I want to wait and see if he would actually cheat on me, not so I can "nail" him with proof if he does, but so I can know who he truly is inside as a person, and if this really is "harmless faceless internet" flirting. Even if it is harmless flirting, I wont tolerate it. I have a lot invested in him and want to know his true self, so I dont want to just blurt it out. I know some people may think of me as being sneaky, but that isnt fair. Privacy is as easily gained by changing a password, when where trust is broken, it takes far more to mend. Sometimes finding out who a person really is, is harder than simply asking, when the person may not know who they are for themselves.
I think of myself as self aware, and through our conversations about sex-less-ness, I said, " Im fine with it now, and I will be for awhile, but I cant promise you that if this goes on for a really long time, and someone happens to catch my eye, that I wont become interested in them. But if that does happen, you have my promise that I will tell you how Im feeling before anything comes of it, and I would hope you would do the same thing." His response was " Im a person who, when something is broken and it cant be fixed, I know when to walk away from it. So yes, I would tell you"
I just dont know if I should tell him, or wait. I know for a fact that now I wont be able to act normally. Right now I feel like venting all my anger and smashing a few plates in my kitchen ahah but thats what we call self control!! :) (joking here)
I think what the most hurtful was him saying he was "spontaneous" in a profile description. That's me. That's who I am in our relationship. And because he is so against doing certain things, I have quelled that part of me because I want to be with him. And here is he.. saying he likes to be spontaneous. I know you shouldnt look into things like that because he is being a "fake person" who doesnt really exist, and if I were doing what he was doing I might say I'm a " jet setting trendy stylist" or some fucking shit who knows aahha
Really I didnt mean for this to turn into a novel, so I still hope someone will read it! I need suggestions, should I just come out with it? *he will know I was snooping....there goes my security blanket* Or should I wait? If I cant help myself from acting strange...he will notice. What should I do?
I hope someone answers soon, Id really like some advice :( Thank you for listening.