Arguments, bad news, depression, and blame
Hi there, hoping you can hellp please!!??
Me and my boyfriend have been together just over 3 months. We told each other we loved each other within the first 2 weeks, and it has felt like a whirlwind. We have progressed with things very quickly, and were both very lovey dovey. We did know each other a little bit before dating, but not hugely well.
Now, we seem to argue a lot. We had a chat about it, and decided that we are seeing too much of each other, and we should reduce it and have time to ourselves. Fine...then got to last Sunday and we had a massive argument beffore I came back up to Cardiff, where I am University. As usual it was about nothing. I do have issues with paranoia sometimes, but when I do I don't accuse. I ask 'have you noticed anyone recently', things like that...I am a lot beter than I used to be. Since the argument, my boyfriend was told that his step-dad (who was suffering cancer) has a few weeks left to live. He has now become a recluse. He doesn't want to talk to me, and says he feels angry when he thinks about me, and simply has no patience with me. I have tried to get him to talk to me about his step-dad but he refuses. He is stressed at work, and has issues with his family life. He has told me that he is struggling with emotions, and with me. He doesn't love me as much as he did, but does still love me.
I can't work out what to do. He is behaving so differently to the guy I know and love. He is not the same person, which I thought was due to his recent bad news, but he is completely cutting me out, and pushing me away. He is really grinding me down, and I don't know how to stay strong for him anymore, and the things he says to me are really cutting deep now. He just gets angry at the flip of a switch and I don't now how to calm him down anymore. Is it because of me, or because of where his head is at at the moment? Will things be different when see each other. The arguments have been fine this week, no issues, and I have been very passiv, and let things go when he has said things to me, but he is completely glazed over to this fact. He cannot see that we haven't been arguing, he can't see any good in me, or the things I do (his own words), and he deson't want to talk or see me.
What do I do? Do I insist we talk on the phone? I am going home Wednesday, do I try and talk to him then? Do I let things go, and let him jsut work it all out. do we have a break? What would a break involve? Any advice kindly received!! I don't know how to stay strong for him or us anymore. He is pushing me away, yet he loves me, yet he feels anger towards me......I'm soooooooo confused!! I just want to be there to support him with his recent bad news. I fear he may have a breakdown when the step-dad dies, and he will have pushed me away too far ( I know sopunds harsh, but can't help how you feel, by how far you've been pushed).
Thank you for your anticipated help!!!! :) X X X X