A sexual addiction that is affecting both lives
Hello and thank you for stopping to read my post.
It is very hard to put it in a few words because of the complexity of the problem. But here it goes: my now husband admitted to be having a problem, and that is internet sex: sending naked pictures of himself and receiving from other women, going on sex chat rooms... basically anything that has to do with this type of activity. We have been living together for almost two years and there were several occasions when I caught him looking for women, porn and so on. So yes, in a way I did know about it and believe me I have tried to communicate as much as possible and be as understanding as I could (as besides this he is a caring man, great sense of humour and passionate). But recently he has admitted himself he feels he has a problem, an addiction; the moment I leave the door he just gets urges.
His first sexual experience apparently was online when being a lot younger and since then he has had this type of activity into his life, whether he was in a relationship or not.
He has poor self-control (even when driving for example) and not much of self confidence (a thing that I thought I could boost, but somehow it didn't happen)... that I can say in addition to this. He said he would never cheat with someone in real life... but obviously doesn't understand that online cheating is as bad as real life, at least to me it is. He says he doesn't feel anything for the women he looks for, it is just a relief and so on. He likes the thrill of it.
But the worst thing of all is that he said he would never go to speak to a therapist/counselor (as I suggested many times). He can't talk about these things and he won't go! And I am completely lost.
He avoids discussing these things with me, it's very hard to get him to confess anything. He knows how much I cry and it hurts me and yet he cannot stop... or he will not stop.
I don't know what to do! I so want to make things work, I have never cheated or talked to any other man online or in real life to raise any suspicion on his side. In fact he claims he trusts me with all his life and I am a trustworthy person. It's just that I cannot trust him the same way and I feel disappointed. We don't have any children at the moment but we do plan to in the nearby future, and also to move from where we currently live.
If anyone has been through something similar or can give me an introspection, it would be much appreciated!