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A drastic change in relationship. I need help.

Posted by: Anonymous
Mon 12, Jun 2017 at 3:02pm
Finding Time for Each Other, Sex/Intimacy and romance, Getting on Better with my Partner, Sex and Affairs

First thing first, my boyfriend and I met online and have been together for about a year and a half. We lived close but it was still a moderate distance away. Before we "physically" got together we were talking for quite a while online, getting to know one another. And he always talked about sex, love, and just overall physical attraction and he always gushed about how much he loved me, saying he can't wait to be with me. We talked about what we liked and didn't like in relationships, I stated that I didn't particularly like porn and said it just wasn't for me, he mentioned that he was (very frequent) porn watcher but out of respect he made a personal choice to stop it. I didn't ask him, it was something he wanted to do. Months had gone by and often times porn would pop up and he'd just assure that he wasn't that person anymore. Weeks had past and we met in person, and "officially" started our relationship. When we first had sex... there was a problem with him "keeping it up", he said he had to confess he had kept watching porn and he felt his problem was down to that. I was upset more than anything that he would lie about it, but I just let it go. For a few weeks we were ok. But now that we see each other regularly, and have been together for over a year, his sex drive has just plummeted. We go weeks and nearly into months at a time without doing anything, aside from sex he's not very romantic anymore so I just get nothing? He rarely tells me he loves me without me saying it first, he's not affectionate. And whenever I bring it up he always says I put pressure on him, his excuse is that he's tired. A week or so ago, he told me that I force him into doing it and that hurt me because it's like he doesn't want to have sex anymore but has to? I'm at a complete loss because when I bring it up he gets defensive and thinks I'm nagging. I just thought for someone who constantly watched(/es?) porn and spoke about sex he'd have a higher craving for it. He's admitted he always thinks of sex but if that's the case, why am I so left out of it? I need help because it's just not gonna change.

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  • Cc jaybee (moderator) Flag

    It sounds like your BF has a sexual problem that may be nothing to do with you. It's very sad after you clearly had such hopes for your relationship together.
    There is some research that suggests that watching porn can have a negative effect on real-life intimate relationships. If you want to stay with this guy, you might want him to acknowledge that he has a problem and that he is prepared to get some help with it.

    Wed 14, Jun 2017 at 12:14pm
  • User-anonymous Lucy08 Flag

    I completely understand what you are saying. I have recently discovered that my boyfriend of nearly 4 years has a sex addiction or cybersex addiction as it is online. We didn't have sex for 6 months once and he made me feel ugly,fat and unwanted. I thought it was me, that he wasn't attracted to me anymore. But because of his online sex addiction he was already fulfilling his sex needs, he was too ashamed to tell me and decided to blame it on me instead. You and your boyfriend need to sit down and chat and just be honest, he needs to realize that he has a problem and i do recommend that he visits a counselor as he may be too embarrassed to talk about it you. Your not alone i promise.

    Wed 14, Jun 2017 at 12:50pm

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