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A 21st Century Marriage.
I'll get straight to the point, I'm a 26 year old man, Married to a 27 Year old woman. We have been married for just over a year and for about 2 years our sex life has dwindled from daily to 3/4 times a week, once a week, once a month and now well probably every other month. Although we both have quite stressful jobs and both work shifts meaning time together is limited, I've approached my wife about the change of our sex life and she accepted there are issues around, loss of sex drive, time together etc. but the lack of sex has now started to effect our relationship (which has been very solid up to now). She seems to be picking fights over very small things. I put an egg shell in the wheelie bin instead of the food bin and all of a sudden I'm the most lazy person in the world and she's ready to walk out. IT'S AN EGG SHELL !!! She's told me straight now that she doesn't want to have sex and the thought of sex disgusts her. She says things like she wouldn't be surprised if I was finding sex elsewhere. But I don't want to find sex elsewhere, I want to sleep with my wife. I feel like she's pushing me to have some sort of mistress for sex and affection and this will relieve the stress from my wife to sleep with me. So I ask, is this a 21st century marriage? A wife and a mistress??
Comments
I am in somewhat of the same boat as you. Been with my partner for four years now and we have a ten month old daughter together. Prior to our daughter, we had a semi reasonable sexual life although it was already slowing down to once or twice every four weeks. After trying and successfully having our first child together, I respected and fully understood that my partner wouldn't be interested in sex for up to six months. Ten months on though and it's been getting bad with me trying to initiate activities and my partner saying no and turning over. It's come to heads on two afternoons recently where my partner would get massively defensive, say she's not even remotely interested in this sort of activity and that it was left for me to like or lump it. Just like you as well, I have also been accused of seeking elsewhere for my gratification but I would never do that or want to do that. I still though have the problem where I want to be close and sexually active and shes not seeing it that way.
It's frustrating as I always try to find some form of middle ground when we have a difference in opinions but the one time it's something she's openly admitted being her problem, she's not willing to make an effort or seek a middle ground even when I've tried suggesting a middle ground decision.
She's even said to me on two occasions that if it's so bad I should just
leave which cut and hurt deeply. That's not an option in my books as our daughter needs a loving and complete home and I'm not going to walk out on either one of the two ladies in my life.
She has also suggested I pay money for sex and that's just wrong in my mind too although I havent taken that bit too seriously as I think that's just said in the heat of the moment.
I can understand what you are going through.... I mean where do we really stand in these situations. We want to stay with those who we love and want to be close too but they are happy enough to make comments to us men that can be painful but they see it as alright.
Don't give up hope.......at the same time if you find a solution, post it up here so the rest of us can try it too
hi,
I am not yet married but am soon to be! my parter hasnt come near me in the bedroom for 2 years and a woman its not a nice feeling!
It can start making you feel like theres somthing wrong with you and its awful that you could probebly go out and sleep with any man/woman that will show you that affection however the one person you want is not prepared to give that to you.
I have asked myself the same question.. is this what relationships between people with busy lives is like?
Surly not .... All i would say to you is if it was good once it will be again, if you both want it to work then hopefully it will!
Hi I suppose I am on the other side of the fence in that I am always tired and just not interested in sex. My partner finds this difficult but I have tried to make it clear to him that I still find him attractive and I try to make the effort a few times a week. If your partner is really not in the mood then as much as you won't like it you have to respect it - however she also needs to try to find some spare energy for you...this is something you really have to dealnwith as it will become a massive problem in your relationship. If you can get them to agree to some sort of proper couples counselling sessions it could help?