we had been going out for eight months, he moved in for two weeks, then said he couldn't cope with the travelling to work so moved back nearer home. unknown to me his best friend decided when he moved in with me that she cared for him, and her kids love him and this is why he moved back. they saw eachother for 8 wks, he told her he had ended our relationship - not true but she was suspicious and contacted me, we both had it out with him and after a couple weeks of not seeing him, he and i gave it another go, he did cut ties with his friend, she wanted to stay friends with him. His reason for the affair was
!/ he was unsure of how he felt for me
2/ when he moved in, i took my children to my mothers for 5 days and left him at the house by his self during the 2nd week.
3/ he said i was pushing him a way - which i did a little when he moved back but he had already decided to cheat on me before then.
We have now ended the relationship after 1 1/2 years after his affair because i cannot trust him in close friendships. he says he needs female friends he gets on better with them then men. I find it brings up all the memories, how he lied to me, how easy it was to deceive me.
a friend of mine, i had only known her for a year before she became friendly with my partner as we became more involved with a communty group. about four months ago i found out by looking at our mobile bill that she and he had been text ting each other late at night on the nights i worked, this had been going on for a few weeks, they never text each other when i was at home. she is unhappy in her marriage and is only 29, he is 46 and i am 44 and the friend he had the affair with was only 30 yrs old.
i confronted them both, told them i felt it was inappropriate - more on his part as he never told me that they were texting. they did stop. but recently she would ask me when i was working, she would say she would come round, though i would say i was having a 'nap' before work.
she would come round after i went to work and have a cup of tea with my partner - she said to get a male opinion about men and relationships. She doesn't do this with any of her other friends partners. i realise that if isn't her then it would be a work collegue i would see as a threat so realise that i am paranoid. i don't think we can save our relationship- he won't stop having female friends, he keeps saying my mistrust of him is my problem. But does any one have any advice as i am scared i will never beable to trust even the most genuine bloke again.
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aj2u on 22 August 2009 at 12:39am said...
The reason he gave you, reason number 1, sorry to say it but it is rubbish. If you love someone, you just instinctively know they are right. Before I was married/met my wife, I had a series of girlfriends I appraised them about their height, looks, job, personality etc, etc and to my shame gave them lame excuses about why I was finishing with them etc or why I couldn't meet them etc (in the hope they dump me).
Not sure about reason 2&3, lack of close intimacy with my wife has tended to tempt me to stray in the past.
I think this man may like/care for you, but I don't think it is probable he loves you.
My wife had an affair so I know the phychological effects it can have. It just kills your self-esteem and has you comparing yourself to other people. Please don't go down this route. YOUR A GREAT WOMAN, A GREAT MOTHER AND IN THE FURURE YOU WILL FIND A GREAT MAN
Anonymous on 08 March 2010 at 2:50pm said...
This man is like all the others who want to have lots of GF why the hell do they need them ? No but seriously WHY ? My BF was on FB all the time with gaggles of girls it really annoyed me especially the kinds of flirt and grab stuff they use to say to him on there it was soooo crap just DUMP him he's not worth it . He NEEDS girl friends because he needs women who want to be close , put up shelves and so on and then get closer and closer while you put up with all the rest and care and woryy and stress . You'll find someone better who's worth you he's not . I find it so annoying to hear this same old excuse from men who just want to flirt around oh I need to have lots of female company er why a man who has no male friends is a man who can't grow in a relationship ! Good luck