please help iv been in my relationship for 3yr now and i love this girl so so much she is everything and more to me but i am if not already losing her to my stupid temper i hate having this problem i know when it is that it happens its always when im in an emotional state where me & my partner are in an argument and i carnt seem to sort it out i get all confused start saying horrible things to my girl freind like = Slag / Slut / bitch / everything really possible to hurt her but as im doing this i know it sounds crazy but it also gets under my skin and hurts me to hurt her so i get more angry because im hurting her its a mad round about and i just want it to stop i want to be in control of my self never to say horrible things to her ! I also know we will have diss agreements at times but when those times come i want to be able to just either walk away to cool down or just basicly know how to handle tht situation so i dont get on the stupid round about where i keep hurting her . I get tht out of control i start threatening to kill my self , iv been violent to her ( HITTING ) her , the worse i do the more i hurt then more ANGER .........
where should i go for help can my gp send us to a couples counciling ? and me to anger managment ? she said she wants to go get relationship help and so do i we do love each other 2 peices and we are really good together id say if you cut my anger out and i get this sorted which i wont stop till i have !!!!!!!!! Then we are the perfect couple in every way !
PLEASE HELP THANK'S.
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another on 05 July 2009 at 10:23pm said...
Hi mate, thanks for responding to my post (cheating wife). Talking about things can really help. I wish I did this weeks ago.
After reading your message, although it does not bear much siginificance to my issues, perhaps I can add my 2 pence worth. Before I found out about my wife cheating, I was very much a calm person. Wherever conflict wold occur, it would never go further than words. Even now. I would still not ever physically hurt my wife. However, I am actally a more angry person as a result of the affair. Last weekend I took my wife out. I literally was 10m metres away from her (for 1 minute only) and a bloke came up to her and tried to talk to to her. On seeing that, I stormed to him and shuvved him away swearing . I would never have been like that before.
s ther an event in your life that made you have this tendency?
Anyway a couple of days later I relfected on that and thought that even if someone does something that causes you upset, it is them who are the bad ones and will be accountable for it. So me losing my temper would actually benefit very little. One other thing that might help...one day a couple of years back my wife and I had an argument...she started to push me ansd even hit me and then I just looked at her in the face...she almost expected me to react. When I didn't, it was almost as if she realised how stupid she was being!!! She never ever hit me again (apart from in fun!). No argument is worth getting worked up over into physically hitting a woman. On the other hand, I would not say that being physucal is not a bad thing. i would literraly dye for my kids and wife. Try to mentally reserve your temper and fighting for the protection of your woman. If ever you find yourself needing to use t, she'll love you more thinking that you are her protector. Given that you have come onto this site it is evident you are serious about resolving this. SOmething tells me you will. Best wishes. ps - if you are a beleiver in God, then prayer can really help untold amount.
Tony (a member of the Talk It Out team) on 12 July 2009 at 9:46am said...
Dear Anonymous
I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time, but you are right that it is never acceptable for you to abuse your girlfriend. I admire your determination to address the issue and to gain an understanding of what is going on for you. Your GP should certainly be able to help you to get counselling support, but I wonder if it might be more helpful for you to go on your own in the first instance to get a better understanding of where your anger is coming from and how to manage it. Apart from counselling, it might be helpful for you try a course on anger management. Many local authorities support these and your GP may be able to direct you or you could try having a look at the British Association of Anger Management at www.angermanage.co.uk for some help.
It will be helpful to share your concerns with your girlfriend and keep her informed about the actions you are taking. When you both feel you are making some progress in eliminating abuse from your relationship, then you may well benefit from couple counselling and can visit www.marriagecare.org.uk or www.relate.org.uk for access to specialist relationship counselling.