Hello,
My husband and I have been married for 4 years and together for 7 years. We have to children together both under 3. I realise i'm tired, stressed and no different to any other mum but how do i know if imy feelings will change or not???
My husband works 12 hour shifts, always different and we see very little of each other. He only helps around the house or with the children when prompted and all we do together is slob out in front of the tv.
We never have sex, not that i want it with him anymore, but i always had to instigate it, he never made the first move?! We don't go out, again...not that i want to with him at the mo and we don't seem to have a life?!
Having said that, we get on well and don't really argue.
I ofsten ask him to help me more round the house when i'm tired or struggling so he does for a few days but then goes back to normal. I've reached a pont where i'm fed up asking him to help! Why can't he just do it, to help take some pressure off me???
I've done a lot of thinking recently and realised that i never really did fancy him. I was lost 7 years ago, and he found me, brought me back to life and it went from there. I love him, and respect him but find him dull and boring.
He doesn't have a zest for life. on his last weekend off, he went to the cinema alone! didn't ring friends and organise night out or anything sociable.
I've talked to him and nothing changed. Then i told him i was thinking about leaving him and now he's being very helpful. I just feel right now that it's a little too late. We've agreed to stick at it till end of month, then he'l move out for 2 weeks for us to have a break and we'll go from there. Everytime i try to talk to him, he just listens, but never speaks.
I'm so frustrated and confused!!
x
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loobyloo on 07 June 2009 at 3:36pm said...
This is so sad to read. It looks to me that you fell into this lifestyle rather than chose it and now your wondering where the last 7 years have gone.
This is going to sound like a "man attack" but most men need a huge kick up the backside to get them to help more around the house, not that they are lazy so much as they are so used to us women doing it that they think we can cope.
Its hard for you when you have 2 children under the age of 3 and of course your going to struggle, life sort of takes a back seat when children are involved. Would you feel a bit better if you could go out and have a pamper day? Ask your husband to look after the kids and then go off with some girlfriends. You need to rediscover yourself and be "you" just for a few hours.
You say you dont want sex with your husband but do you feel that you could with someone else or just not be borthered with it? Sex is the first thing that tends to slip away when your not happy. Have you considered going to the doctors? It sounds to me that you could be mildly depressed, they could prescribe you something to get you on an even keel again.
To me I think you husband is just as down as you but hes stuck, men are not the best at coming forward with their own problems and talking about them, I think he would like the marriage to work or he wouldnt want to stay til the end of the month. Another thing to consider is couple counselling, not something I am a big fan of but I think you should at least give it some thoughts.
One thing, at least your husband listens to you, he might not give you any feedback but i refer to my last paragraph for that. I really do hope that you can come to conclusion that you are both happy with. Good luck and take care, Looby x
Anonymous on 08 June 2009 at 3:53pm said...
New children can be very difficult for men to cope with too - I'm writing this as a mum and it took me a long time to realise this. As a mum you are wrapped up in the kids, and knackered, but in my experience at least you have your hormones to give you some assistance! For the dad there is very little guidance on what they are supposed to do, how to feel, etc and very often all their old friends assume they are too busy to go out. If your relationship is not the strongest, and he's not desperately sociable then all these things will be magnified.
Can you get a friend or relative to look after the kids for a few hours so you can go out together?
good luck x