I've been with my husband for 17 years, married for 9 years and we have two young children. Without going in to great detail I've been waiting for the "happy ever after" and it never arrived. My husband has never been very romantic and I thought I just needed to work on his very obvious fear of rejection for the romance to come. Over the years I've had to push for everything, for living together, for marriage and for children and although he's been very happy with all these things once they've happened, I feel worn down emotionally and resent the fact that he held back so much. I don't expect the movie romance, just someone who loves me enough to tell me and show me how much they want to be with me and this is where the fantasies come in - I get attracted to a man at work and start fantasising about an intense, passionate and of course secret romance with them. This started happening before we were married and there have been two occasions when I was convinced I had fallen in love. The truth is I'm in love with a fantasy, one where the man does all the chasing and doesn't hold back on how he feels. I don't know how to get out of this pattern of behaviour. I feel that happiness lies outside my marriage and that I've persevered with a relationship that I should have given up on a long time ago.
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Anonymous on 26 May 2009 at 1:54pm said...
Have you tried relationship counselling, or perhaps counselling just for you? You know that you're chasing a dream and that you'd never reach that because it's unrealistic...
Until you've really put in the leg work with this relationship (really try, not such stick around) you shouldn't leave. Tell your partner the truth, and work from there.
Anonymous on 26 May 2009 at 6:56pm said...
hi try telling your husband exactly how you feel some times men are so thick skinned they dont realise.tell him what you need out of the relationship and tell him that you need to talk more openly.also maybe marriage counselling might help you.
Anonymous on 27 May 2009 at 8:51pm said...
I'm in the same situation but in reverse. My live-in girl friend doesn't show me she loves me, it was me who started everything. I love her so much but she never shows it. I have to beg her for sex, and then she bitches about it. I've got to tell her to kiss me and then it's usually a peck. I started to drink alot, it doesn't help. But it does keep me from feeling so lonely all the time.