Hi there, 2 years ago I fell in love with a married man. We initially started off as very good friends for around 6 months until are feelings grew. He was older than me and because Im such a bubbly out going girl he wasnt used to being around someone who got on with everyone around them as his wife was extremely anti social. Anyway, I kept telling him to tell his wife about us. In the end she found out. After a few weeks of emotional stress and heart ache he rang me out the blue and told me he loved me that much that he was going to leave her. This went on for several weeks and eventually I flipped on him. We didnt contact each other for a few weeks. Then once again I got an email from him declaring his love, by this time Id had enough so found myself backing away from him. I came to the conclusion of just leaving him alone (much to my disapproval) hes severley distanced himself from me which raises the question of did he want me out the picture so he could sweet talk his wife???
He has admitted to me that he found in me something hes NEVER had or experienced with anyone before and that he did genuinely believe we were and are 'soul mates' . Hes also admitted that he knows deep down he doesnt love his wife anymore and hasnt for a very long time now. There is definately love between us and I do love him with all my heart. The last time I saw him was a few weeks ago and we discussed several things. It was decided mutually that I would leave him alone 'to sort himself out' which I genuinely am doing. Although no promises were made.
I am hoping though he will realise very soon what we had and what he could lose forever :-(
I am very heartbroken as Ive lost a major part of my life... Please help me x
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Anonymous on 24 May 2009 at 5:06pm said...
i dont think you should get involved with married individuals. At least have the decency towards his wife and give her some space. You're not the only one involved here, you're trying to take someone's partner away. Shame on you, i think its a disgrace. Doesn't matter wat your feelings are, you've got no business breaking up a marriage.
PinkGirl09 on 24 May 2009 at 10:35pm said...
Breaking up a marriage that was already wrecked?! How dare you critisize me!!! You dont know the whole story and FACT it wasnt me who started it! He constintly persued me for months and months.
Anonymous on 24 May 2009 at 11:10pm said...
hello! I have to say i agree with the other poster. A marriage might be wrecked in your ryes but you should wait till his wife has moved out and not sneak around. It all sounds quite childish. Also sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it. He cant replace what he's had with his wife and he also wants some action. You're a bit on the side and your only realising it now. You can do so much better for yourself, maybe head for the single shelf next time rather than the married one.
PinkGirl09 on 24 May 2009 at 11:16pm said...
I didnt intentionally head for the 'married' shelf in the first place !!!!
Anonymous on 24 May 2009 at 11:24pm said...
good evening! As a married father of 3 i might have a slightly different perspective. It sounds like you need some encouragment. You come on websites like these for encouragement and want it to be all kissy kissy and hugs, but you open yoursef up to criticism. I think you're looking at this in quite a narrow minded manner. There are plenty more fish in the sea and id he's not feeling like you do then move on! You say he persued you and instigated it, but you're a grown woman. No means no. You have questionable judgment. Maybe this isnt the help you wanted, but its a reality, married people are off limits. Now get over him and live your life!
PinkGirl09 on 25 May 2009 at 11:32am said...
I think the above posters should realise and have more consideration for people who are obviously heartbroken. Cant you see this girl did nothing wrong except fall in love with someone who was already taken?! If anything HES to blame not this poor girl. My advice would be to try move on with your life and show him what hes missing as I have no doubt that at some point he will want to re-enter your life as most men usually do! Just try live your life and not dwell on whats happened. What is for you wont go around you... Hope this helps!! x
confused64 on 30 May 2009 at 12:20am said...
Single women has this thing, "I am sexier than the wife,and I am going to do what it takes to get him", I know the drill, I am a Psychologist, and I have been hearing it for years.
And when everything comes crashing down, the outside woman wants sympathy, well HELLO! no sympathy here, in the first place you knew that he is married, why did you persue him, you should've told him off.Or did you like the game he was playing, married men do not leave the wives, all they want is fun.
I am not going to tell you how sorry I feel for you, because I don't, you knew what you were heading for, get a life girl and stop feeling sorry for yourself, it will not make things better for you, and make sure that something like that do not happen to you again.
West Indies.
PinkGirl09 on 01 June 2009 at 10:33pm said...
Confused64 why??? You may be a 'psychologist' does that also stop you from having a heart? Or is it Ice? There is NO NEED to be so cold hearted. Guess your a human with no or very little feelings/emotions...!!!
Anonymous on 02 June 2009 at 10:26am said...
I feel genuine sympathy for pink girl. She could be telling my story, except I am the wife. My husband met and fell in love with a much younger woman. When I found out , and he made sure that I did, I was very hurt. Our mariage is not a wreck but we had become very distant. My response, after the intial shock was to tell him to be with this person if he really did love her. I could not and would not make him stay. I love him and will always love him we have come through so much and raised two wonderful children I could not regret a single moment of my 28 years married to this man. But he could not leave. He is not staying for the children, thay are grown up and have their own lives. He says he cannot bear to think of a life without me and he loves me so much. Whatever decisions we make for the future, and I still might want to leave, we will be a huge part of each others lives. Our sex life is amazing again, just like the days before we had the children, and we tell each other every day how much we love each other. I was responsible for the distance between us too. The woman he was involved with is devastated that he will not leave me, and he really does not want to hurt her. I believe he does love her but that is not enough , he was lonely and isolated and she made him feel alive again. He responds to her text and emails and reassures her that he will help in any way he can. Whatever he is telling her he is telling me that he wants to fade out of her life and hopes that she will find someone to take his place and ease the hurt. He is not a bad man but he got in to deep and made promises that he could not keep. Even if we do seperate in the future he will not be with her. What i want pink girl to understand is that I would not stop him going if thats what he decides-he is choosing to stay. This man might be doing the same thing.
Perhaps this man will leave his wife for you, but he will always have that complex history, and dont you think it might make you happier to meet someone who loves you and wants to create shared experiences/memories with you rather than settle for the remants of anothers life. I do wish you a happy outcome. But please remember that infidelity is complicated and you will never have the full picture.
Anonymous on 02 June 2009 at 10:45am said...
Unfortunately a lot of men say they don't love their wives. It seems the age age old story... I say walk away when men tell that! They are hardly going to say - I love my wife but looking for a bit on the side.
Tuck on 02 June 2009 at 1:24pm said...
PinkGirl, I am sympathetic, in the sense that I can tell you're hurting a lot. But do you really think this relationship is going somewhere?
Affairs make a really terrible basis for a relationship. For a start, are you ever going to feel secure with him and be able to trust him? After all, you know first hand that he will cheat on his wife. That wouldn't make me inclined to want to put myself in a situation where I might be the one cheated on.
DaveAngel on 02 June 2009 at 5:36pm said...
I think Pinkgirl is in good hands with the post above and the third above...dont you?
P.G,
Family life is the biggest worldwide affiliated club on the planet my dear! Middle class and everything either side...
You are taking on the big guns here, and- to my mind-are working at cross purposes to the development patterns of healthy trusting relationships. Ppl will shun you, and so will healthy guys if you think what you are going through with this guy is normal. You would have been better served waiting till he broke up with her or moving on...
I personally would forget about relationships for a while and focus on your own well being- borrow a few simple books from the library... (Can I feel an ear bashing coming on?)
You want to join the club Pinkgirl? Read the road signs and try to learn the rules...
No point in crashing down the track, eh?
C'est la vie...it was fun while it lasted...
daveangel.
( Damn! I admire some of those posters... hope they stick around...)
daveangel.
PinkGirl09 on 02 June 2009 at 6:47pm said...
thank you everyone! Im glad people understand. DaveAngel and anom your the best! I fully understand that he may not ever leave her. I have offered my total support to her as I know she is not fully to blame.
Yes, it bloody hurts!!! ALOT! lol... It feels like hes died as that whole daily contact thing has gone. I just wana clarify that I did not get intimate with me until 18 months down the line. I wanted to see if it was a 'meaningless' fling...
Guess time will tell?
PinkGirl09 on 02 June 2009 at 8:05pm said...
is it normal though to still be commited to someone after all this heartache???????
DaveAngel on 03 June 2009 at 1:51am said...
Me personally? I would enjoy it while it lasts. Whats bad about feeling more alive? Channel it into something 4 u...
daveangel.
PinkGirl09 on 03 June 2009 at 10:26am said...
DaveAngel, It wasnt a case of enjoy it while it lasts. This was a real relationship. However I am fully aware now that I must have meant something to him at least..... it was definately not about sex !
DaveAngel on 03 June 2009 at 2:24pm said...
Hi Pinkgirl,
What I meant was enjoy the heartache...just enjoy it.
dave.
PinkGirl09 on 03 June 2009 at 9:33pm said...
Please enlighten me as to what exactly you mean??? How can I enjoy heartache???
emily on 04 June 2009 at 8:45am said...
I love DaveAngel he has the measure of this whole drama, listen to him he is a wise sage. From his insight into the whole class thing to his understanding that heartache is life affirming and soul shaping-make him your best friend girl.
PinkGirl09 on 04 June 2009 at 9:46pm said...
DaveAngel... Please advise me what I should do... does he deserve another chance maybe in the future ????
DaveAngel on 05 June 2009 at 6:03am said...
PinkGirl,
Never give up on love, but start to see love in many faces; the faces of children and the wise elderly; those that are sincere, show trust, are kind, vulnerable...
Always give love the chance it deserves, and begin to really see those ppl whose behaviours are unloving too- very important.
In life, when you love someone deeply there are always new challenges and obstacles- if you miss one- even one- it starts to undermine the bonds of lasting intimacy, friendship and companionship. Be aware and alert...
and just enjoy it...
daveangel.
ddcs on 05 June 2009 at 6:12am said...
West Indies,
If you are a Psychologist, your theraputic approach and manners are lacking. Psychologists do not spurn, scorn, or otherwise bark orders at one who asks for a listening or guiding ear.
Pink Girl is in emotional pain, and writing of her pain and experience is a process toward healing the heart and mind. Love can happen at the most inappropriate times in one's life, but that does not negate the fact that it happens no matter what the circumstances.
Only if you are perfect, can you chastise another for their life experiences. A true Psychologist is one who listens with an open mind, not a sharp tongue.
Pink Girl: you ask if it is normal to still be committed to someone after all the heartache? Yes, dear..you are holding on to the love you feel for this man. No amount of advise can talk you out of what you feel. You must be patient, and work through your situation one day at a time.
PinkGirl09 on 05 June 2009 at 8:00pm said...
DDCS thanks alot for your kind thoughts. Its good to know that not everyone is narrow minded. I asked for guidance and help, not negativity! West Indies can go do one as far as Im concerned as all you others guys who have given me GREAT and helpful advice (not to mention useful!)
BIG BIG THANKS to you all... I will get through this crap situation very soon with all your help :-)
Much Love to you all
PinkGirl x